Fate:EXTRA Insanity
by mastersword124356
Summary: Challenge from The Infamous Man. What would happen if the enemy Servants in Fate/EXTRA were replaced from characters from various anime? Join Pinochle, Rummy, and Saber as they find out. Expect plot twists and turns, a cast of all stars, and more references than you can shake a corrupted Holy Grail at!
1. Prologue: I Certainly Hope That Everyone

**This fic is a challenge from The Infamous Man, author of Fate:Zero Sense and Fate:Stay Away. The challenge is to replace the Servants in the game Fate/EXTRA with those scattered throughout various omakes in Fate:Zero Sense. As such, this fic may reference the other two at times. I highly recommend them. Though just because this is a challenge doesn't mean I won't put my own twist on it. And now for the disclaimer.**

**I do not own the Fate series, the spin-offs, or any other fictitious character in this story unless I state otherwise. Now without further adieu, enjoy your fanfic of questionable quality.**

* * *

The automatic door opened allowing his access to the room. His form however, was obscured by the darkness. He then went to the super computer, produced a disc from his sleeve, and inserted it into the disk tray. The screen told him to input a password, so he merely typed the word swordfish and the download started.

"Honestly, you'd think these guys would come up with something more original." The form said to himself. Seeing that the download was done, he removed the disk, closed the tray, and began the ten minute walk from the super computer room to the Virtual Reality pods. Once there, he bypassed the pods of the contestants and went to a separate room. The room was much smaller and only held three pods, one of which was already opened. He went to the opened pod, got in it, and it shut.

"Well I guess I'll finally find out" The form began "If servants that actually walked on this world are more powerful than those from fiction."

And with that the form drifted off to sleep. Good thing too, it was the last day of qualification and he had a lot of things to do to get the SE. RA. PH. ready for the chosen masters.

_This is gonna' be fun._ He thought as he entered the virtual world. And now our story begins.

* * *

**Prologue: I Certainly Hope That Everyone Realizes That These Long Chapter Titles Are A Shout-Out To Baccano**

Pinochle was walking on his was to school, and before you think it, yes he was aware of his weird name. Back in elementary school he was endlessly teased for it. He was convinced that his parents named him that while drunk.

Pinochle's full name was Pinochle Obake. Though since he lived in Japan like any good anime protagonist, this meant that he had to endlessly explain that his name was pronounced as pea-knuckle and not in any other way. Apparently the Japanese aren't big fans of the game. He secretly bet that if his name was Pachinko they'd never get the pronunciation wrong.

Other than that Pinochle's head was killing him. He had this random ass headache that started as soon as he set out for school. Actually, come to think of it he didn't remember anything that happened before he was walking to school. It was as if his entire life started at that one point, and all his memories were fake.

The headache increased in intensity until he felt he was going to faint. He neared the school gate and realized that everyone was doing it again. For the past few days many of the students here appeared to be repeating their actions each day. At first Pinochle passed it off as a fad, the next day he thought a cult had infiltrated the school, but now he had no idea what to make of it. Come to think of it, his headaches started around the same time as this. Could they be connected?

"Good morning! Lovely weather we're having, don't you think?"

Pinochle looked up and saw the boy Issei Ryuudou addressing him.

"Oh, yeah. Great weather these past few days." Pinochle replied.

"Hmm? Why do you look so surprised?"

"Well it's just that I get the feeling that –"

"We announced at last week's assembly that this month the student council would strictly enforce school rules." Issei reminded him, thereby cutting him off mid-sentence. This was the fourth time Pinochle had heard this. It was getting old fast.

His headache got stronger. So strong in fact that he was seriously convinced that he was about to die. But not before he acted like a smart ass.

"First, let me check your student ID. I shouldn't need to remind you, but it should be on you at all times." Pinochle said in time with Issei. He expected to get a dirty look from his friend, but no. He got nothing. All Issei did was hold out his hand for Pinochle's ID. This was seriously starting to freak him out. He handed his ID to Issei, (who he was convinced may be one of his new robot overlords), who then promptly returned it.

"Great. There's no telling when an emergency might occur, and it will be a help if you have your ID." Issei told him, but at this point Pinochle's brain was in "Holy shit everyone has been replaced by robots with a crappy AI" mode.

He then started feeling nauseous along with his ever growing headache. He didn't know why but he had a strange feeling it was because of everything around him. The fact that everything just kept repeating over and over was driving him insane. Now he knew how Yuki felt during the Endless Eight.

"Now for the uniform inspection. …Collar, check! Pant hems, check! And your socks … check!" Issei spouted. But Pinochle had run to the school already, leaving his "Friend" in the dust.

"Next is the contents of your bag… Notebooks, textbooks, pencil box! Not even a whiff of contraband. Your nails are evenly cut, and your haircut is sensible. Indeed, quite remarkable. You're a model Tsukumihara Academy student."

* * *

Inside the Building

Pinochle was getting further into conspiracy theorist mode. His mind was only occupied with finding a way out of this. That's when he began to see distortions in the world around him. As one can imagine, this really didn't help reassure him to say the least.

He decided to leave the classroom to try and find a spot that the distortion hadn't reached. Pinochle checked out everywhere on the second floor before running back to the staircase. He was going to go up to check out the higher floors, but then he felt as if someone was willing him to go downstairs. He thought for a moment if he should ignore this or not, but the distortions got larger and he instinctively ran to the first floor.

Once there Pinochle noticed Leo, the exchange student, calmly walk down a hallway while being chased by someone. Without thinking he chased after them, all the while asking himself questions.

Don't turn away now.

What is the "truth"?

Don't turn away now.

What defines the world you know?

**Don't turn away now.**

There is a reason why you're here.

Come.

Do not allow yourself to close your eyes to the truth.

At some point Pinochle thought that he wasn't thinking those thoughts anymore, but was being told them! He would wonder what this meant later though, as he arrived at the end of the hall.

"The attention to detail is quite impressive. Even the surrounding air is surprisingly substantial." Leo spoke, as if to himself. To which Pinochle thought _Attention to detail, please. The AI on these things is awful!_

"If that is the case, this world is in some ways more real than the real world it represents." Leo continued. _I knew this world was fake! Finally, someone who gets it too._

"How about you guys? What are your thoughts on this?"

"Well I'm glad that someone is finally making sense! I mean-" This was when Pinochle stopped and registered that Leo was talking to him too. But just as he stopped, Leo began talking to the other boy.

"Greetings. I believe this is the first time we've had an actual conversation." Leo then turned to Pinochle and granted him a smile befitting of a prince. All Pinochle could wonder though was what that smile was hiding.

"Attending school wasn't half-bad. I've never had the opportunity to go to one before now. In that respect, this has been quite an interesting experience. … However, the time for fun has come to an end. I did not come here to play at being a student. No matter how enjoyable the detour, eventually one must return to their appointed path. And for me, the time to do so has arrived…" And with that Leo turned around.

"Farewell. No, that's not quite right. I don't think farewell would be accurate in this situation. For reasons I cannot explain, I have the distinct feeling that we will see each other again. So I guess I should use the more congenial, see you later. Well, it's time for me to move on. I wish you the best of luck."

Those are the last words he says before he walks through the wall. After that, the other boy walked through the wall as well. Pinochle, not wanting to be left with these robots, also went up to the wall with full intent of making the laws of physics his bitch by walking through it. A doorway then appeared in the wall, not being the strangest thing he saw today, Pinochle entered it. He was ready for whatever lied beyond it.

* * *

Elsewhere

Pinochle entered what appeared to be a storage room. It looked familiar to him except for the Tronish lines, the golem with Tronish lines, and the girl who was sitting next to said golem. The girl was slightly shorter than he was. She was wearing the girl's uniform, so she didn't look exactly different. Her hair was long and brown, and her eyes were light brown. Pinochle didn't bother to take the scenery in because the golem started moving.

"I guess it's supposed to be yours." The girl told him. "My name's Rummy. Rummy Yuurei."

"I'm Bond. James Bond." Pinochle joked. But after Rummy sighed he filled her in on his actual identity.

"Well Pinochle, would you mind if I sticked with you? Ya know, so I don't die? I'd be eternally grateful."

Eternally grateful? Pinochle liked the sound of that. Until he felt himself get mentally slapped. He decided to ignore it however.

"Alright, you can come with. After all, I don't want to leave you here to die now do I?"

And with that the boy, girl and golem set off through the door on the other side of the room.

* * *

Elsewhere

The next thing they knew, they came to a walkway made of lights. Nothing but darkness surrounded them, but the path gave off enough light to let them see.

"I just realized something." Rummy said.

"Yeah?" Pinochle replied.

"You don't think that when the door appeared in the school... that we went through the fourth wall do you?!"

"Maybe, but we need to head to the end of this hallway to find out."

"Ok." Rummy responded with vigor. They were off. Though as they walked, Pinochle tried to figure out what Rummy meant by forth wall.

The farther they walked the more shape was given to where they were. Grids appeared, water surrounded them, and blocks came out of nowhere and shot in linear directions. Then that all disappeared, and that looked like blue laser panels made up the floor and walls. Still they continued forward, until they got to a point where they appeared in another room.

* * *

Elsewhere

There they were in a chamber made up of the laser panels. They didn't have the chance to take it in though.

**Welcome potential masters.**

Before a voice from above began to address them.

**If you are looking for answers, you must reach the goal. Now, please step forward.**

They did as commanded and made their way through the room. The voice of god, (as Rummy called it), kept informing them of how this world worked. It told them of item folders, enemy programs (to which Pinochle had a field day with his Tron references), and how to use the golem to fight (both of them compared this to JoJo's Bizarre Adventure). Through this, Pinochle and Rummy learned much more about each other. They both liked to read manga, but Pinochle was definitely saner than Rummy was. Both of them believed that their parents were obviously intoxicated when naming them. And last, but not least, they both had no clue what was going on. At some point Rummy noticed that dinosaur bones were floating in what appeared to be the water around them. This solidified in their minds that they were, in fact, not in Kansas anymore. It also showed how hyper and observant the girl was. Eventually they cleared all the enemy programs and made their way to the final room of this madness.

* * *

Elsewhere

They stood on a stained glass floor, surrounded by three stained glass windows. Pinochle stopped for a moment to catch his breath. However he would have no such luxury.

"Nucks" Rummy began. "There is a stiff over there!" Indeed she was right. The body of a boy lay dead on the floor with a deactivated golem beside him.

"Shit! The cops are gonna' find us! Then they're gonna' throw me in the slammer! I'm too young to drop the soap!" Rummy continued on her tangent. It took several minutes for Pinochle to explain to her that dropping the soap was only a threat if you were in a men's prison.

"I'm too young to be prison raped!" Yet again he started to reassure her, until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked back and saw the golem.

"What's up Hub?" Pinochle asked the golem, whom he named as a reference to Megaman. The golem however just punched him in the face.

"That's that dead guy's golem!" Rummy screamed. "He's gonna' revenge kill us!" But Pinochle didn't hear her. He had noticed that the boy was the one that was following Leo!

"Hub, help!" Pinochle screamed to his golem, who then took on the golem. Unfortunately it was as if the enemy golem knew all of their moves beforehand. It didn't take long before it broke Hub, and after that it waltzed right over to the two and killed them.

… **Hmph, you seem to be lacking as well.**

The voice barely registered in Pinochle's mind.

**The time has come. Seeing as you died, I will now close the preliminaries. Goodbye. I hope that you realized how much you let me down. Jackasses.**

The voice stopped speaking to them. Both were unable to do anything. It was then that they noticed that they were not alone. Both of them were but new additions in a field of corpses upon the floor. Soon, they would join them.

**Do you give?**

No, they didn't give. As if their minds were one, they both attempted to rise. But failed as unbearable pain shot through their bodies.

**Do you give?**

No! Once again they tried, in spite of the unbearable pain, to rise once more. But before they got the chance to

"Indeed! You must embrace your fear of death and fight on regardless what fate may await you." A voice began to speak from above. This one was different though. It was female.

"Well spoken, nameless travelers! Even if the world will never hear of your desires, know that I admire and respect them! Close your hands and fists and raise your heads! Your time is yet to come! In fact, your destiny begins now!"

Two of the stained glass windows shatter, leaving only the one in the middle. A form begins to materialize in the middle of the room. A woman with a red dress that clearly showed her panties, golden boots, blonde hair, green eyes, and a red ribbon in her hair appeared and walked to Pinochle. He felt for some reason though, that she wasn't human. He could feel her power, ant it was well over nine thousand!

"Now then, I shall ask you once more. Answer me. Which one of you is my Master?"

"Both of us!" Rummy excitedly announced. She had gotten up already, and as such, got to decide this for them.

"Both of you hmm? Well this will be interesting. I like that. I won't ask how privileged you feel for summoning me. All right then, you have my blessing! I shall bestow upon the both of you the honor of being my Masters!"

The newcomer helped Pinochle to his feet. At that moment, he felt a pain from the back on the hand she held. He looked over and saw a symbol there. Before getting a chance to take it in, the golem that killed Hub started to approach them. The newcomer pushes me aside.

"What excitable Masters I have. Though in different ways clearly. Why are you so flustered boy?"

"Well" Pinochle began. "That thing kind of killed us before."

"It killed you? Then how come you stand before me?" This was true. For the first time Pinochle took in the fact that he wasn't dead. It was sweet.

"When I am by your side, have no fear that you may lose your way. Remember that victory is all that matters." She then turned to the golem. "My blade is the ultimate instrument! Even the Muses themselves would bow before the sound it makes. Masters, strike with my sword. Show me that you are worthy of having ME as your servant!"

The newcomer was so powerful that she overpowered the golem in a matter of seconds. Pinochle immediately walked over to the floored golem.

"That was for Hub, bitch." He then stomped on the golems head, shattering it into numerous pieces.

"Well well, it appears you are lively as well boy. Still though, that golem bored me. I've waited so long for this, so naturally I'm unsatisfied."

The mark on his hand burned brighter though. He couldn't hear her at all over the pain.

**Well well well, look who survived.**

Pinochle thought he was cursed when he heard that asshat of a disembodied voice again.

**I suppose I owe you an explanation.**

_Ya think?!_

**That mark on your hand is called a Command Spell. It proves that you have power over your servant. With it you can give three absolute orders to your servant that can even break the laws of physics. Think of them as a Deus Ex Machina. It also proves that you've entered into the Holy Grail War. If you lose it, then the system will correct the error by reformatting your instances.**

"Um, what does that mean?" Rummy asked.

**It means that I'll have to kill you. Ok?**

"Ok!" Rummy said cheerfully as both the newcomer and Pinochle wondered if she realized that she had received a death threat.

**I get that you probably have a lot of questions. But before I forget, I need to read this spheal off since you made it. Congratulations. You have endured much to make it here. Now rest for a while; you've achieved your first goal. It was nothing less than an epic fail, but somehow you managed to change it into a curb-stomp battle, literally! You two really do interest me. Will you fail, or will you succeed? The suspense is killing me! Just like how your hand must be killing you.**

Pinochle once again felt the pain in his hand after being reminded it was there. _Asshat._ Though he did start to put some things together. The voice sounded like someone in his late teens. Someone toying with the world for no reason other than his own amusement.

**Oh, you wanna' know who I am? You're gonna' have to figure that out for yourself. I can assure you however that I'm not one of those programs. I'm an administrator to this Holy Grail War. In more ways than one … Wait that came out wrong. But regardless, I think you should know that someone told me before that you two possess a certain light.**

Pinochle had no clue what he meant. Rummy though was blunt.

"You're just trying to distract us from that sentence that came out wrong aren't you?"

… **Now let us commence with your baptism.**

_She called it._

**You have proven yourself worthy of the honor. For most the monotony of everyday life continues on without end. Your decision to look beyond the accepted and progress means that you have earned the right to exist. However, you have but taken the first step. Be jubilant young knight, for the Holy Grail War begins now!**

Pinochle realized that his speaking pattern had changed entirely. She must have called it so hard he reverted back to just reading the script. The pain however was too great for him to bear, and he fainted leaving Rummy and the newcomer to get the rest of the information.

**Now, let the Holy Grail War begin!**

* * *

(Opening music: Ao Iconoclast by Kotoko)

* * *

Infirmary

Pinochle woke up in an unfamiliar setting. He was in a white bed with curtains around it. The sound of birds chirping flooded the room. All he could focus on though was this nightmare he had. He dreamed he was in the burning ruins of a city. However, this was all he recalled. He then looked around and saw Rummy sleeping in a similar bed not too far from him. That was when he realized that he was in the infirmary.

He sat up and then heard a very familiar voice.

"So you're finally awake. Truly there are no limits to your feebleness. At least the girl lasted until the administrator stopped talking."

It was then that the woman in red appeared before him.

"I had to carry the both of you back here myself. You really need to go on a diet."

_Thanks for the advice woman who apparently defies the laws of physics by appearing out of nowhere._

"But at least you woke up in time for the start of the Holy Grail War. I guess how convenient you two are can be considered a redeeming quality."

"Um, about that. I kind of passed out before Mr. Disembodied voice got to that part, so would you mind telling me what this Holy Grail War is?" Pinochle asked. The woman looked shocked, even angry, upon hearing his question.

"You know nothing of the Holy Grail War?! Then how the Hell did you become my Master?!" She then took a few deep breaths and continued to speak.

"Well, as pitiful as it may be, I suppose I should explain to you what the Holy Grail War is."

And thus the woman told Pinochle what was going on. She was also kind enough to explain what Servants were. From this, he learned that the woman was a Saber class Servant. He agreed, at her request, to simply call her Saber. After class with Saber-sensei was over she dematerialized. As if on cue, Rummy let out a big yawn and woke up.

"Where am I? Hmm? Nucks, where are we?" Pinochle could tell that if he was to be teamed up with those two girls, he would have to become the responsible one.

"The infirmary Rummy."

"Oh, I guess I must of passed out too. Hehhehheh." She said as she closed her eyes, stuck out her tongue, and lightly tapped the side of her head with her fist. He could tell she was going to be doing this a lot.

"Oh, you two are awake now. I'm so relieved."

Both turned to see the newcomer, a girl with purple hair and eyes, wearing a lab coat.

"Neither of you seem to have any injuries, so you can go whenever you want. Also, the SE. RA. PH. should have restored your memories by now, so do not worry. Any magi that seek the Holy Grail have their memories suppressed and are given those of a student. Only masters that manage to recover themselves are allowed to enter the main tournament. Now that you have regained your memories, please review them to make sure they're complete.

"Um Sakura?" Rummy questioned.

"Yes?"

"What's a memory?" Both Pinochle and Rummy said in unison. Sakura looked shocked.

"Your memory restoration failed? I cannot help you. I am just a custodial AI. I can however call one of the administrators over to help." And with that she placed a call with one of the administrators. The administrator would be there shortly.

"I should also give this to you before I forget." Sakura said as she gave them both Portable Terminals. "As a participant, you should pay close attention to any messages that appear on your terminal."

With that the door opened. Out came a man dressed in a black trench coat with a white shirt and jeans underneath. His hair was brown and curly and his eyes were blue. But the first thing they noticed

"Hello there, I heard your memories were not loading for some reason so I came over to see if I could fix that."

Was that he was the voice from before that they heard.

"Are you god?" Rummy asked.

"Pardon?"

"Don't mind her." Pinochle said while covering her mouth.

"Riiiiiiiight. Well I compared your identities with the database and I discovered your memory files are encrypted, meaning that it will take a while before I can extract the vital data you two so seek." After getting a stare from the two of them that assured him that they had no clue what he just said, he decided to simplify it for them. "Means we're working on it."

"Oh!" They both said in unision.

"As for the matter of both of you sharing a Servant, I've already done the necessary paperwork so that you may share her."

He continued on for a bit, though Pinochle couldn't help but wonder. Was he really the voice they had heard?

"Yes I really am the voice you heard. And before you wonder how I did it, Admin privileges."

"So is there anything else you need to tell us?" Rummy asked.

"If you're asking for my name it's Konton. Konton Coded. If not than no, I have nothing else to tell you. See ya' bitches!"

He then dematerialized in a blue laser light, different than how Saber did. After seeing this, the two decided to leave before the room got any weirder. They might as well check the place out anyway. And so it was decided, and they left the room.

* * *

School Building

The two of them split up in order to cover more ground. Rummy decided to check the roof and bottom floor, and Pinochle was tasked with scouring the second and third floors as well as the cafeteria.

As Rummy got to the roof she saw a girl with twintails, a red shirt, and grade SS Zetai Ryouki. She moved over to talk to her and the girl began to speak.

"I've investigated this school from top to bottom, but it's not like the structure is special or anything." _Yep, that's cyberworld Rin._ Rummy thought. How she knew that however, the world may never know.

"…Huh? Hey, you over there." Rin directed at Rummy. Rummy pointed at herself and Rin continued. "Yeah, you. I haven't checked the NPC's out much yet. But now that you're here, I can fix that. Don't move."

Rin walked over and began to touch Rummy. Rin examined and felt every part of her as Rummy tried to hold in her laughter. Rummy knew Rin would freak out when she realized that she wasn't an NPC.

"Imagine that. You're warm, though you shouldn't be. Wait, are you laughing? Why would you be laughing?" She was at Rummy's waist now, and Rummy was enjoying every minute of this build up. After Rin was done feeling her up, she turned around.

"Wait why are you laughing too? We should learn the most about the area, including the NPC's, if we hope to win the war."

"I'm not saying we shouldn't" Came a female voice, probably from her Servant, also trying to hold back her laughter. "But that's another Master you idiot!"

"Wait, she's a Master? That can't be right… A Master should be more…"

"Eeek!" Both Rummy and Rin's Servant released their build up laughter. Meanwhile, Rin's head was spinning.

"Wait, but that means I just felt up…" Rin began to blush profusely. "How embarrassing."

"Not only are you a dummkoph, but you're a pervert too!" Rin's Servant said, earning a high five from Rummy, even though she was invisible.

"Shut it! So I screwed up once, get over it! I'm not a pervert!"

"It's ok Rin." Rummy said. Rin turned her head and gave a sigh of relief. Said relief lasted for about two seconds as Rummy got down on one knee and grabbed Rin's hand as if proposing to her. "You can be as perverted as you want with me sexy."

If Rin was drinking anything, she would have done a spit take. Rin's Servant's laughter intensified, and Saber joined in. It was at this point that Rin had snapped.

"ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!" Rin ordered.

After several minutes of pain, the three were now bowing on the floor to Rin. All three of them now had large lumps on their heads. The Servants were materialized now as well. All she gathered about the Servant was that she had long red hair, a Tronish skin tight red body suit with a 02 on it, and two red hair thingies with more Tron lines. After Rin explained why all of this was their fault, she appeared to calm down a little.

"Honestly your face is so bland it's like you lost you don't even have any memories or something." This was Rummy's cue to have more fun at her expense.

"Well actually…" After explaining the situation, Rin was shocked that she was exactly right about Rummy losing her memory. Rummy stealthily received a high five from both Servants as Rin was processing this.

"Wait, your memories are encrypted? That's seriously bad. Once you enter the Holy Grail War, the only way out is by winning. You can't leave prematurely. You'll have to fight without any experience. …Oh well. You'll be dead by the end of the week in that case."

That was the point where Rin ceased to give a damn. Her servant returned to her side, and both Saber and Rummy stood up.

"How impudent of her, but she piques my interest. She'll be an interesting foe, if you have the courage. Those, my amnesiac Master, are fighting words. When we do battle with her, I shall gladly deliver my answer to them."

"… Well, I guess I pity you. At least I can understand most of what my Servant says." This response earned Rin one of Rummy's trademark high fives and began to mend their relationship. "Well in any case, you don't look quite cut out for fighting. I guess I can try and help you unless it's inconvenient for me, b-but only because you're pathetic understand?"

Rin's servant started to giggle, but Rin shot her a death glare. "Understand Lancer?" She said with all the malice in the world.

"Yeah, yeah." Lancer said back. After thanking the two, Rummy headed back down into the building. Her next stop was the first floor. _I was so right about picking these floors. More screen time for me!_

* * *

First Floor

Rummy saw Kotomine and ran up to him. He made the first sentence.

"Congratulations. You have been deemed worthy to be a participant in the Holy Grail War. You may call me Kirei Kotomine. I am an NPC assigned the task of supervising the Holy Grail War." _I doubt you're an NPC Kirei. I'm on top the forth wall, and I can see your secrets!_

"… Would you please stop staring at me?" After Rummy stopped, Kirei continued. "As of today you and your fellow magi have been given the honor of fighting in the arena up ahead. The war is run as an elimination tournament, with the Grail being awarded to the last person standing. In other words, the participating Masters will kill each other until there is only one person left. Simple enough to understand, yes? Even a complete idiot should be able to understand the rules. Masters get a six day preparation period before Elimination Battles, which will occur on the seventh day. I'd advise you to use the time given to devise the most efficient means of slaughtering your foe. On the seventh day, you and your foe will fight. The winner lives, and the loser is… deleted."

"Um that's fine and all Mr. designated villain, but I'm just trying to figure out who my opponent is." Rummy replied to his wall of text, thus prompting a scowl from him.

"What was that…? You have yet to be informed of your first round opponent? Hmm… Wait just a moment." Kirei said before turning around and entering a room behind him. After shutting the door he noticed a man who looked exactly like Ryan Reynolds crashing on the sofa while watching Whose Line Is It Anyway?.

"Wade, where did you put the tournament bracket?"

"I don't really know Broseph Stolin, but you really should come over here you know. Whose Line is on."

"That depends. Is it the American version or the British one?"

"The American one."

"Well in that case I've already seen it."

"So then, mind telling the readers why we're here anyway?"

"Fine. The reason Wade and I are here in Mastersword's fic is because TIM kicked us out of his house because he thinks if we know too much about the sequel to Fate Zero Sense that we'll spoil it for everybody. So whenever there isn't a new update for Fate Stay Away, we have to be here. And I'm pretending to be an NPC because I want a monopoly on medium awareness. Now if you excuse me I have to pretend to be an NPC so that this girl doesn't make that connection." Kirei said as he left the room.

"Just tell her the brackets are uneven or something!" Assassin called after him.

Kirei walked back to his spot and Rummy asked. "What happened?"

"N-nothing, nothing at all. Anyway, it appears that our reason for being unable to place you is because there are currently an uneven number of players." He gestured to one of the many flat screen TV's mounted on the walls. The screen was blue and had a bunch of codes, like the ones on her ID written in white. There was also, in big letters, text that read "Number of Participants."

"As you can see, there are currently nine hundred and ninety nine-" Kirei was cut off as the number started to rapidly decrease, and several of the codes started to go dark. It took about two whole minutes before it stopped. "One hundred and twenty eight participants." Kirei then received a call.

"I'll tell her then." He hung up. "Well, it appears you will be fighting Shinji Matou."

"Kay, thanks, bai." Rummy said as she began to leave.

"Wait, don't you need me to tell you about your private room?" Kirei asked.

"Nah, it's cool. I've already played the game so I know how to access it." Rummy said as she headed to meet Pinochle on the second floor.

Kirei stood in shock. _Could she be like assassin and I? Has she, also broken the fourth wall? _

"Shit!" He said out loud.

* * *

Private Room

After explaining what happened to Pinochle, they used the Password that Rummy kept from her last play through to enter their private room. Since the room was from Rummy's old save file, it was fully decked out. It had golden chandeliers, gold vases with roses, red cloth draped everywhere, a tiger doll, and more things too but something caught Saber's eye.

"Master, is that a photograph of you and I?"

"Why yes, yes it is!" Rummy replied, doing her signature motion.

"When did you take tha-"

"Saber, we can worry about that later." Rummy said, cutting her off. Saber eyed her with a mixture of shock and fear.

"If you say so master. Well then, this shall be my audience chamber. If you have any grievances, you may address them to me here."

_I really hope we make it out alright._ Pinochle thought to himself. _I don't want to die not knowing who I am._

"Are you feeling fine boy? Are you not already accustomed to this school? Stop running your mind and relax as I have."

_Maybe she's right._ Pinochle thought. _I should just try and relax._

"Though I do sympathize with having nerves on one's first campaign. Cherish that fleeting feeling."

… _I take it back, my Servant is insane. Campaign? I know this is called the Holy Grail War, but it's not like we're going to fight an army! Oh well, I guess I should relax. We should rest before heading down to the arena later._

And with that, the three relaxed, so that they would be ready to face the challenges that the arena held for them.

* * *

(Ending Music: Mosaic Kakera by Sunset Swish)

* * *

Omake Author's Room

"Welcome to my room! I am the author of this story, Mastersword124356. This place here is called the Author's Room! It's a talk show where I invite a character or two from the story, grant them medium awareness for a little bit, and then have a chat with them. Our first guest is the girl who leapt through the fourth wall. Her name is Rummy!"

The swivel chair she was in spinned around to reveal her.

"So Rummy, how did you like the first chapter?"

"It was actually pretty good!" She said while doing her motion.

"Well thanks Rummy!"

"I mean, I was concerned when I heard you were doing the challenge. After all, the rest of your stories suck." Mastersword then suffered a nonfatal heart attack. "I guess I'll see you next time on Rummy's Room!" _Soon all the screen time will belong to me! Muahahahahahahahaha!_


	2. Chapter 1: Please Ignore How Rummy's

**I do not own the Fate series, the spin-offs, or any other fictitious character in this story unless I state otherwise. If I did, this would cease to be a "fanfic" and become the actual canon. Now without further adieu, enjoy your fanfic of questionable quality.**

* * *

After resting up in Rummy's private room, the three decided to head to the Arena. The location was convenient, as it was where they (as Rummy put it) walked through the fourth wall.

"You really need to stop making those jokes Rummy." Came the voice from nowhere. Only now, they knew the voice's name.

"Hey Konton, how's it hanging?" Said Pinochle, thus destroying the air of mystery surrounding him.

"Ouch, you don't have to go and destroy the air of mystery surrounding me."

"So why shouldn't I make fourth wall jokes?" Rummy asked sarcastically, knowing she was going to be lectured.

"Because you didn't actually walk through the fourth wall. That was the third and one half wall." Was the genius response, and that term is used loosely, of Konton.

After several seconds of awkward silence, "Wait, what?" Rummy spoke up.

"You can make fourth wall jokes, just not in that instance Rummy. That clear things up for you?" Konton said.

"Fine! Now let's go, I'm getting really bored and I wanna' make something bleed!" Rummy announced, as psychotically as it sounds. Thus prompting an awkward silence lasting for several minutes. _I guess we need some sort of Deus Ex Machina to break this awkward-_

* * *

**Chapter 1:** _Final-freaking-ly_ **Please Ignore How Rummy's Thoughts Somehow Managed To Get In The Title, But Instead Pay Attention To Their First Time In The Arena And Shinji's Servant**

(Opening Music: Sandome no Sakura by High and Mighty Color)

* * *

The Arena

Somehow, the three had managed to make it to the arena off screen. The three decided not to question this, as Rummy was the only one who noticed the off screen part. The Arena looked like the pathways from yesterday did, laser panel floors and walls. Other than the Enemy Programs floating about, there was nothing else of interest here. Saber began to explain more things to them. Today's class with Saber-Sensei centered around the Arena. She told them how things work in a way which would be too long and tedious to explain. If you are really interested, play the game.

Anyways, the three then encountered a Klein and proceeded to battle.

* * *

(Fight Music: Dragon Fight from the Blue Dragon OST)

* * *

"Ok Saber" Pinochle began. "This is our first real fight together, so we should try and figure out what the enemy is going to do. That way, we can use our moves to counter their"

"Boooooring! Kick its' ass Saber!" Rummy yelled to cut Pinochle off.

"With pleasure Master!" Saber decided to do as Rummy instructed and began to mercilessly beat the crap out of the Klein. Pinochle had no idea something could be cut into that many pieces. This was how most of their battles were in the Arena that day. Rummy looked like a kid in a candy store, except with blood instead of sweets. She was seriously beginning to freak Pinochle out. He feared that Saber might one day become just like her.

"That's not gonna' happen. I mean Saber and I are cool, but we're nothing like Kirei and Assassin."

(Cut to montage of Kirei and Wade hanging out, picking up chicks, watching Bea Arthur, watching the sunset, ect. Set to the song Bromance by Chester See and Ryan Higa, with GARcher playing the guitar.)

"See!" Rummy said to Pinochle after showing the aforementioned montage, (which you should have envisioned while listening to the song), to him. "I wish that we could be that close, but there isn't a word for a female Bromance. Hmm, maybe Hoemance?"

**Hooooooooooooemance! **Apparently Konton heard their talk.

"Masters, I think we should leave. It is getting late, and you two are only human. I believe we should rest for tomorrow. " After hearing Saber's logic, the three decided to leave for the Private room once more.

* * *

Rummy's Private Room

As soon as they got back, Saber asked them to take a seat around her. She wanted to tell them something. Not wanting to remain ignorant, Pinochle and Rummy sat facing her. She then began to speak.

"Well Masters, I regret to inform you but I must. While we were in the Arena, I found myself unable to access my true power."

"That is seriously bad." Pinochle replied. "Do you have any idea why that may be?"

"Why yes I do."

"Well, as long as we have an idea we can always"

"Because of your deficiencies, I am unable to manifest my full glory." Saber said, thereby cutting him off and placing all the blame on her Masters. "But, do not worry yourself. Having access to my original abilities for use is hardly important. There is no shame in being a novice; in fact, the possibilities of what you may become are exciting."

"If you say so Saber." Pinochle stated, with an anime sweat drop on his forehead.

"Tomorrow we shall make another effort in the Arena, and we shall all improve little by little. It's nothing but a trivial matter. As long as you two have me, we shall keep going."

"Yay! We get to kill more things!" Rummy announced with glee.

"I also think we should look into who Shinji's Servant may be Saber. After all, we currently know nothing of their abilities." Pinochle said with a level head.

"Do you have that little faith in my abilities Master?" Was Saber's retort.

"Not at all Saber!" Pinochle began. "But we only get one shot at this. If we lose, we die. So I really think we should look into it."

"If you so desire to look into it Master, I would be in your debt." Saber admitted. This also reminded Pinochle of the time Rummy had said she would be eternally grateful to him for saving her. If only he knew how psychotic she was back then.

The two of them then heard a loud thud. It was Rummy who collapsed on the floor, now sleeping with her mouth open.

"I think we should turn in as well Master."

"Agreed." And with that, the three slept soundly.

* * *

Outside the Private Rooms

"Heh, this is so easy." A shadowy form said to himself. "I should be able to hack into this no problem! Then nobody will be able to stand in my way of getting the Holy Grail. I'll just kill them all while they're sleeping!"

The form was currently hacking into the password system which separated the Private Rooms. He was also having an easy time of doing so, seeing as he was an expert hacker.

"There, now all I have to do is hit enter." The shadowy figure explained. He raised his hand high, then dramatically hit the enter key. … And nothing happened.

"What?! This can't be possible!"

"Actually, it can."

The figure turned around after hearing this newcomer. He was also obscured by the darkness. Damn this virtual power outage! If only he could see who this newcomer was.

"And why would that be?" The form asked.

"You see, the rooms only open if they were opened by their passwords at least once. The first time they open, those rooms are created." Replied the newcomer.

"Yeah, and? I saw them enter their room! So it must have been created!"

"That's where you're wrong." The newcomer snickered a little at how dense this form was. "What if I told you that they never picked up their password from Kotomine?"

"What? But that's not possible! I saw them enter their Private Room! How else could they get in?!"

"The girl happens to have a password of her own."

"That can't be right! Only Kotomine knows what the passwords are!" _Well I know too_, _seeing as I stole the list._ The form thought to himself.

"I don't understand exactly how she did it either, but the facts stand. Kotomine never gave her a password, her Private Room hasn't been created, and you can't hack into it."

"But then how can she have a Private Room?! You're talking around the question!"

"Well, to explain it to you… Let's just say they're using a back door to the system. The SE. RA. PH. never get's rid of any data pertaining to the Holy Grail War. So they could be using a prototype of one of the Private Rooms. Sound reasonable?"

"Hmm. Well, I have to admit your logic is sound. If that is the case though, I won't be able to hack in at this point in time. I'll save this approach for my later opponents. I suppose you won't mind if I go back to my Private Room then and we both pretend like this never happened?"

"Why not? You only live once after all. Go get your rest; you'll need it for tomorrow." Said the newcomer to the figure. With that, the figure packed up his things and returned to his own Private Room.

"Well then, it looks like this Holy Grail War is going to be interesting." The newcomer said to himself. At that moment, the lights came back on.

"Hmm, looks like the system's been repaired. Either way, I should go get some rest too. I sense an irregular day awaits us all tomorrow."

Konton Coded then left the second floor, and proceeded to the room which he was sharing with Kirei and Wade.

* * *

Second Floor (The Next Day)

Pinochle, being the first one awake, had left to see if he could find Shinji.

"Hmm, I guess you're my opponent then huh?" Which he apparently did not need to do as Shinji found him. This however meant that Shinji was going to go on one of his rants about how much better he was than Pinochle. Such was the price to pay for not needing to look for him anymore.

"Who ever made this tournament must be one hell of a sadist! I mean, they're forcing best friends to kill each other in the first round!" Shinji said while laughing. "That and it's totally overkill. I mean, no offence, but you won't last ten seconds flat against me."

"Did you come here just to taunt me? Or do you actually have some purpose?"

"Hey hey hey, no need to be so cold man. I just wanted to make sure you were as ready to face me as I am to face you. I don't want you to hold back on my account. Plus, I heard that your situation is kind of, well irregular."

"What do you mean by that Shinji?"

"Well, I was referring to that girl. What was her name? Vermouth?"

"It's actually Rummy."

"Whatever. But word on the street is that your Servant has both you and her as Masters. I can imagine that must cause some, conflicting orders." Oh if only he knew.

"You don't need to worry about me Shinji. I have no intention of letting Rummy turn into a handicap."

"As if you could stop her from turning into a handicap. But anyway, I suppose I should be going now. My Servant and I are going to train. Catch you on the flipside Nucks!" Shinji then left the floor and headed towards the Arena. Pinochle then saw Rummy and Saber heading his way.

"Wait up Nucks." Rummy yelled, still half asleep. Pinochle seriously hoped that she wouldn't prove Shinji right and become a handicap for him. "I had this dream I want to tell you about."

"What dream would that be?" Pinochle inquired. At this point the two had caught up to him, and Rummy began to speak.

"Well" Rummy began while doing he signature motion, though with a little less energy since she just woke up. "Saber and I were both cocktail waitresses in Las Vegas. All the way in America. And this really rich guy offered to pay us a lot of cash if we would sleep with him."

Everyone in the general area then turned their heads as Rummy vividly described what happened in her dream.

"And so after we were done, he brings his friends over and"

Now people from other floors were gathering around to here this story the girl was telling.

"So then Saber and I killed them and became the new godfathers. Do you have any idea what that could mean?"

"Actually yes." Pinochle said, surprising everyone.

"What does it mean then?"

"Well, let's start from the beginning shall we. First you two were cocktail waitresses, not that very good of a career. That's sort of like us right now; we're in a bad situation. The next part had to do with a lot of bodily fluids. Though it's not one of the fluids you were talking about, blood is also a bodily fluid."

"But I'm a virgin so"

"Like I was saying." Pinochle cut her off, so she would stop embarrassing all of them even further. "Blood, is a bodily fluid as well. Meaning that blood will be spilled, just as the other fluids were. Finally, after killing them you ended up better than you were before. This means, without a doubt, that you triumph in the end. So, by putting this all together, we can conclude that your dream means we will defeat Shinji and the next several opponents we will face. Therefore, we will end up better off than we are now."

All the observers were shocked with just how much this made sense. They all began to clap and cheer for Pinochle. Eventually, they picked him up and he rode the crowd. This left Saber and Rummy on the outside of the crowd, looking in.

"Wow, I didn't know he could interpret sex dreams." Rummy said to Saber.

"Neither did I Master. Neither did I."

Rummy then received a message on her Portable Terminal.

"What does it say Master?" Questioned Saber.

"It says that the Primary Trigger has been generated."

"What does that mean?"

"Good question. Hey Kirei, what does it mean?" Kirei had also come up to the second floor to hear of Rummy's dream, and thus he was conveniently standing next to her.

"Two Triggers must be retrieved by the end of each week, if you mean to participate in the tournament. They are the Primary Trigger and the Secondary Trigger." Kirei explained.

"You don't need to pretend to be an NPC Kirei. I already know you aren't." Rummy stated.

"… I don't know what you mean."

"Whatever. Anyway, let's go Saber. We should probably get that Cipher Key thingamagig."

"Right behind you Master." And thus, the two of them left to abduct Pinochle, after which they all headed to the arena to train.

* * *

The Arena

As they entered the Arena, Saber stopped in her tracks.

"That aura… Exercice caution Masters. That weakling Master and his Servant are somewhere nearby. But this may be a good chance to obtain the information you desire boy. Why don't we follow them while they're in the Arena? After all, we must make them pay for the sin of insulting my Masters!"

Though a little extreme, Pinochle basically agreed with what Saber was saying. And so they began stalking Shinji and his Servant, killing everything along the way. Rummy, being the more observant Master of the two, relayed details about the enemy Servant. Pinochle, being the more logical Master of the two, recorded the information in his Information Matrix. This way Pinochle could easily make a connection between the Servant's features and his identity.

The Servant wore a red baseball cap turned forward. He also wore a red jacket with white half sleeves and collar as well as blue jeans. Rummy also saw that the front of his hat was white, and that he was wearing a black shirt underneath his jacket. Lastly, he was wearing fingerless gloves and a belt, which several red and white orbs were attached.

"What are they, his favorite colors or something?" Asked Pinochle, although, nobody really knew the answer to that. They walked a little further, until Shinji turned around.

"Pinochle, you're late. While you were crawling along like the slug you are I obtained the Trigger!"

Rummy eyed Pinochle skeptically. "Is is really your friend Nucks?"

"I have no idea how that happened either." Pinochle said with a sigh. This however didn't shut Shinji up.

"Hahaha, what are you two talking about? Your skills are pathetic compared to mine, so don't be so harsh on yourself! And speaking of you losing, let me introduce my Servant. I'm going to win; it's not like it matters to me. If you can't even get your Cipher Keys, you might as well accept your game over right here and now!" He then turned to his Servant. "Seriously, feel free to turn them into corpses whenever you feel like it!"

His Servant did not speak.

"W-why the hell don't you ever talk!? Just my luck getting a retarded Servant that can't speak outside of battle! Not that it matters, as long as he does what I say I could care less! Now then Servant, kill them here!"

It didn't look like Shinji's Servant was going to do anything. But then he started to move closer to them. The fight had begun.

* * *

(Fight Music: Eternity by Ian Gillan)

* * *

Saber immediately charged at the Servant, with her blade drawn, fully intent on taking the Servant's life. He just simply stood there, emotionless. This angered Saber to no end.

"You think you are that much superior to me that you need not expend any effort!?" Saber had almost closed the gap now. She was really looking forward to killing this arrogant worm. But at the last second, the Servant started raising his arm towards Saber. As he brought his arm up, he pointed his palm toward Saber. He then spoke as calmly as the wind.

"Blast Burn."

The whole thing took less than a millisecond. A large stream of fire shot forth at Saber, completely engulfing her. She screamed out in pain and fell to the ground.

"W-what power. How d-dare you assault me with t-those flames."

"Hahaha! Get a load of this! I mean I knew your Servant was weak Nucks, but I didn't think she was this bad! Hahaha!" Shinji laughed. "Hey Servant, finish the job."

His Servant looked toward him and raised an eyebrow.

"Don't pretend you don't know what I mean! Kill them right now!"

His Servant shook his head.

"By the power of the Command Spell, I hereby order you to"

His Servant then pointed straight up and a familiar voice spoke.

**All fighting between Masters is prohibited outside of the tournament. I shall give you a warning, but if you continue to break the rules I will have no choice to terminate your existences.**

"Hmph, fine! Let's go!" Shinji ordered. His Servant then followed him back to the school, leaving Saber and her Masters alone.

"T-that can't be right." Rummy said to herself, trying to hold back tears. "S-Saber should of kicked his ass. And that's not all. Who was that boy?"

"What do you mean Rummy?" Pinochle asked.

"Shinji's Servant is supposed to be Sir Francis Drake, a Rider. S-so, where in the world d-did he get that powerful of a Caster?" Rummy could no longer hold back her tears and broke down crying. Pinochle didn't know what she meant by this, but his mind was on other things. Right now, he was wondering if Shinji was right, _(As if you could stop her from turning into a handicap.) _ or if he was right. _(__We can conclude that your dream means we will defeat Shinji and the next several opponents we will face.) _This continued on for a length of time neither of them could measure. Their insecurities all coming to surface was the last thing either of them needed. It would take a miracle to even begin to fix the damage in their hearts.

"Masters." Both turned to see Saber holding a fragment of data. "I managed to retrieve the Cipher Key while you two were deep in thought." Immediately Rummy ran up to her and embraced her from the front. This however caused the Cipher Key to drop. Luckily, Pinochle made a dive for it and caught the Key. Saber didn't notice this as she was too preoccupied.

"M-Master, I am humbled that you show so much affection for me but I must simply ask you what is the matter?"

"I-I'm just so g-glad you're still alive!" Rummy, still sobbing, replied to her. "You s-scared me s-so much!" Rummy broke down even further after saying this. Saber looked to Pinochle for advice but he shrugged in confusion.

"W-well, after the fight was stopped, Konton restored my health. He also should have restored that other Servant's magical energy. So I'm fine now Master. Hmm? Master!" The reason Saber had said that last part was because Rummy had fallen asleep while holding on to her. "Master Pinochle, may I suggest that we leave the Arena for today?"

"I think that would be best."

"Ok, I shall carry Rummy with us then. Let us be on our way Master." Saber said as she picked up Rummy into a bridal carry. They had a whole lot to talk about when they got back.

_We need to start fighting smarter._ Pinochle thought. _If we don't, we'll end up just like we were today._

After suffering much in that place, they left the Arena and headed for their Private Room.

* * *

(Ending Music: Blood Teller by Faylan)

* * *

Omake Author's Room

"Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Author's Room! Rummy suffered an emotional breakdown, so I got to take this room back until she recovers. Before you think it, no I didn't end this chapter on a bad note for her just so I could get the room back. If I wanted it back that badly, I'd just write her out of the room. Anyway, time for our guest. Our guest today is a boy with a serious ego problem that even pisses Gilgamesh off. His name is Shinji!"

The swivel chair spinned around to reveal that Shinji was, in fact, sitting in it.

"So Shinji, what was your favorite part of today's chapter?"

"Well, I actually have two favorite parts."

"Really? Well why don't you share them with the rest of the class, I mean live studio audience."

"Well the first part was obviously when I totally destroyed Nucks and Vermouth with my Servant."

"Her name is Rummy. It's not that hard to remember, and this is coming from a guy who sucks at remembering names."

"Whatever, but my next favorite part actually surprises me."

"And why would that be Shinji?"

"Well" Shinji said, now unable to hold back his laughter. "I just crack up every time I see that Bromance montage! Hahahaha!"

"Is it really that funny to you?"

"Yes it is! …Wait a minute; you didn't say that last sentence did you Mastersword?"

"No I didn't."

"Well if you didn't say it, and I didn't say it, who did?"

"It was me!" Shinji turned to the audience and saw a man who looked exactly like Ryan Reynolds jump onstage. "Hi! I'm Deadpool, and for the next twenty minutes you're my bitch."

Shinji proceeded to scream his fool head off as Deadpool gave chase.

"Well that's all folks! Join us next time for another exciting segment of The Author's Room! …Unless Rummy jacks my host seat again."

* * *

**Author Note:**

**In case you were wondering, I did switch the identity of Shinji's Servant from what it was supposed to be from the omake in Fate:Zero Sense. This was done because I was not familiar with the Servant in the omake, and because I wanted to get this chapter out as soon as possible. I shouldn't need to change the identities of any other Servants though, and I did receive TIM's permission to change the Servant before doing so. I am sorry if you were really looking forward to seeing Naota as a Servant. That is all. If you still don't wish a plague on both my houses, please review. It really helps to see what I did wrong, and to have encouragement from you guys. Thank you and, as always, **

**Stay Awesome!**


	3. Chapter 2: I am Not a Flower of Hell

**Before I begin with the disclaimer (though by now I'm pretty sure you know I don't own most of this), I'd like to say thank you for waiting for this chapter. I just had my wisdom teeth out so that's why I haven't been here updating. I hope you will like this chapter as much as, if not more than the others, and that it is worth the wait for ya's. Now, on to the disclaimer.**

"**Mastersword doesn't own anything unless it's an OC of his." Rummy started. "He doesn't even own the idea of replacing the Servants! Now without further adieu, it's fic time! Enjoy your fanfic of questionable quality!"**

* * *

"And that's why we need to think before we act from now on." Pinochle finished. He knew it was hard for the girls to hear, but if they didn't they'd be dead by sunrise. Especially since rules clearly didn't matter to Shinji.

"Yes Master, I must agree that my earlier actions were rather hasty. However, I do believe that our new system can work." Saber announced. "Now that we have cleared up why information gathering is essential, I believe we should begin with it post haste!" Of course, her enthusiasm only lasted until she saw Rummy's face. She was looking down, zoning out of the conversation. What just happened yesterday really did some damage to her.

_I thought this was going to be easy since I cleared the game before. I even beat Servant Monster! So then, why is Shinji's Servant not Rider? Now that I think about it, Rin's Servant was different too. I didn't really remember since I took her route and didn't have to fight her. I'm weird like that._

"…my."

_But what does this mean? Oh wait, that Konton guy wasn't in the game too. What's he all about?_

"..mmy."

_Damn it! Why did this have to happen! Saber almost died and it's all my fault!_

".ummy."

_And that Servant of Shinji's again! I feel like it's so obvious. I don't know why, but I feel like if I find out his identity then I'll understand why everything is so different._

"RUMMY!" With a shock, Rummy jolted back at the sound of Pinochle calling her name for the fourth time.

"Y-yes Pinochle?" Was her meek reply. She looked so scared, as if Pinochle was a lion waiting to make her his dinner. He felt kind of guilty for doing all of this, but it had to be done. At least, that's what he kept telling himself.

"Saber and I are going to gather some info on Shinji's Servant." Pinochle began. "I just wanted to let you know that we were heading out, ok?" He desperately searched Rummy's demeanor for some kind of sign that she wasn't really this depressed. Unfortunately for him, her sadness was genuine.

"You can go Pinochle; just let me give you a copy of the Password so you can get back in." Rummy said as she received Pinochle's Portable Terminal. She then proceeded to hit a few spots on the touch screen. When she was done, she returned the Terminal to Pinochle.

"Feel better ok." Pinochle said with a concerned look on his face and empathetic tone of voice as he and Saber left the room. Rummy then looked up at the ceiling, raised her hand to it as if reaching out for something, then brought it back. She then felt moisture on her cheeks. Rummy was crying. Still crying, she began to do something nobody could have predicted. She began to sing.

"Nukedashitette Nukedashitette

Kanashisugiru unmei kara

Watashi wa naraku no hana ja nai

Sonna basho de

Sakanaide sakanaide

Karametorarete ikanaide

Oto mo naku tobikau toki no kakera. "

* * *

**Chapter 2: I am Not a Flower of Hell**

(Opening Music: Naraku no Hana by Shimamiya Eiko)

* * *

Second Floor

The first thing Pinochle saw as he left the room was Shinji bragging to Rin on the other side of the hallway. Deciding not to waste a perfectly good gift from God, he and Saber discreetly approached them to eavesdrop on their conversation. The saw that their assumptions were correct, as Shinji was being a total ass and bragging about his Servant in an attempt to impress women.

"So yeah, why are you hanging around that total deadweight? I just personally beat her Servant into next week!" Shinji told Rin.

"Really? Even though participants in the Holy Grail War aren't allowed to fight outside of Elimination Battles?" Rin rebutted with half sarcasm, and half fake interest.

"…Damn! Please don't tell on me Rin! I swear I'll be your friend for life!" Shinji pleaded in panic.

"Look." Rin began, obviously annoyed. "If you fought in The Arena the Administrators already know that you did it. Obviously since you're still here they decided to let you off with a warning."

"Seriously? Ahem, I mean Seriously!" Shinji announced as he regained his composure. "The Admins must be afraid of my Servant."

"Oh really?" Came Konton's voice, walking out of the library. "And why exactly are we shaking in our boots again?"

"Because, my Servant is Awesome! Duh! He goes on so many adventures, he hangs out with Gym Leaders, and he always beats Team Rocket!" Shinji loudly proclaimed. It was only then that he realized that he had just spilled the proverbial beans, and that everyone was looking at him.

"And that my friends, is an example of what not to do if you wish to survive in this Grail War." Rin began. "Never reveal information to your opponent." She looked Pinochle in the eye and Shinji looked back, now realizing that he had just screwed up so much.

"Master, are you taking notes?" Saber asked Pinochle.

"Already did Saber, I can type really quickly on a touch screen." Pinochle replied, thus confirming that he was in fact jotting down information about Shinji's Servant in his Portable Terminal.

Shinji once again regained what little composure he had to begin with and tried to think of a comeback.

"Well it's not like it matters anyway! I can afford to give you a handicap Nucks. But I never thought that you'd stoop this low. Trying to gather information on my Servant after he wiped the floor with yours is basically admitting my superiority!"

"Master, why in the name of God are you two friends again?" Saber questioned.

"You know what Saber, I have no idea." Pinochle said back. He had come upon the knowledge that he in fact had no knowledge of why they were friends. Instead of being confused, Pinochle took this opportunity to do something to relieve his stress and hopefully make Rummy happy. He looked at Shinji with a cocky smile. "Consider this friendship over Shinji. I will have your head."

Saber gasped in shock, Shinji was too startled to even register what Pinochle said, and Konton was sitting down on a couch and sharing popcorn with Rin.

"This is gonna' be good." Konton told her.

"Wait WHAT?!" Shinji exclaimed, now realizing exactly how screwed he was. "You can't do that!" _Shit! I was counting on him not winning 'cause he thinks he's my friend. If that changes then… I might lose!_

"I. Just. DID!" Pinochle yelled. "You haven't even seen what you did to Rummy! No real friend would hurt another friend's friend! All you do is constantly brag about how strong and powerful you are, while your friends, and I use that term loosely, do all your work for you! And what do they get? Nothing! You just troll the living crap out of them! You keep pushing people away, but for some reason they stick around. I don't know why the Hell they would want to, but they do. I'm guessing you've built an awful lot of bad karma during the few years you've been alive, and it's about to bite you in the ass! **JOINING THIS GRAIL WAR WAS THE LAST MISTAKE YOU'LL EVER MAKE, IN FOUR DAYS I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU WISH THAT YOU'D NEVER BEEN BORN!" **At that last part, Pinochle's voice got as loud as Konton's over the loudspeaker. Everyone stood in shock. It felt like time had frozen to everyone. Everyone except Pinochle that is. He felt so good after getting this off his chest._ Now I'll have no regrets. I won't kill a friend, I'll kill that kind of person everyone hates._

Then something strange began to happen. The spectators, still gathered from Shinji's reveal and further amassed by Pinochle's telling off of Shinji, started clapping. It started out slowly, a lone unnamed Master broke the silence with his hands. Soon those around him returned to life as well, each joining in on the clapping. Before long everyone was clapping. Cheering then started.

"Way to go Nucks!"

"Kick that asshole's ass!"

"That douche bag hit on my girlfriend! Make him pay!"

"You can do it!"

The cheering then took a new form. It was very simple, but easy to follow.

"Pi-no-chle! Pi-no-chle! Pi-no-chle! Pi-no-chle!"

Pinochle looked around and took it all in. Everyone was there for him. Everyone had his back. Everyone wanted him to win.

"I must say Master, that it feels good to be the popular ruler again." Saber told Pinochle, amidst all the cheering.

"Yeah, it does feel good Saber."

"Do you know why exactly they are all cheering though? Not that I'm complaining."

"I think I have some idea."

"Well out with it Master. Satisfy my curiosity."

"I guess that everyone here has met someone like Shinji in the past. All these Masters, their Servants, I'd even go as far as to say everybody in the whole wide world, they've all met someone like Shinji. Someone who used them for all they were worth then tossed them aside like trash when they were done. My guess Saber, is that these people all see that same struggle in Shinji and I, and how I just broke free of him. Some of them may be cheering because they too broke away from their Shinji. Some of them may be cheering because they couldn't break away from their Shinji, but now how hope because I did. And some of them must be cheering because they can't wait to see a guy like Shinji get his just deserts. All in all Saber, I think they're cheering because they're my real friends."

Saber then began to clap herself. Pinochle turned to look at her and saw that she was crying tears of joy. Had she been crying during his whole explanation?

"Spoken like a true Muse Master. Only, you are the only Muse that I do not wish to bow before my blade." Saber said tenderly, while continuing to cry her tears of joy.

"So what does this mean for the Grail War?" Rin asked Konton, who was still sitting on the couch.

"Well it means, actually wait one second." Konton said to Rin before turning to the commotion. "Slaughter the worthless bastard!" He cheered. Then turning back to Rin, he once again spoke. "Anyway, it means I'm gonna' pull a few strings to make this much more satisfying for all of us." Konton then disappeared and his voice once again came on the loud speaker.

**Attention Masters and Servants. Due to unforeseen circumstances the Administrators have decided to allow use of the Battle Tower so that you may Spar with other Masters and Servant without fear of being eliminated or disqualified. It may also be used for training alone if you prefer. Also, for reasons which will become apparent at a later time Pinochle and Shinji's Elimination Battle shall take place tomorrow instead of on Elimination Day. That is all.**

* * *

Cafeteria

Rummy ate her food in sorrow at her table. _I really just only get in the way huh. Maybe I should just disappear._

"Hey bitch, that's my table!" Rummy turned around to see where the voice had come from. She saw a pissed-off blonde chick with blue eyes. Clearly she liked the color red, as both her dress and high heels were also red. Finally, she wore several gold bracelets and gold necklaces as well as a single pearl necklace. _Way to show your wealth asshole._

"I wAs HeRe FiRsT." Rummy said in a monotone voice dripping from overflow of murderous intent. She had been through a lot, and was now looking for any excuse to kill this blonde bitch.

Said blonde bitch slightly drew back in shock. "Y-you sound just like." She then returned to her previous position and shook her head to snap herself out of it. "Look, I'm sorry for telling you to move, and for calling you a bitch." The blonde admitted reluctantly. "There's more than one seat, so do you mind if I sit next to you?"

Rummy had not stopped her murderous aura, but grudgingly let the blonde have her way. "Fine, but don't piss me off."

The blonde then took the seat to Rummy's right and began to talk. "So then, why are you all pissed?"

"Mind your own damn business." Rummy barked back. It was clear that she was taking her own self hatred out on the blonde, but neither of them realized it.

The blonde sighed. _Damn. I know that this can't end well. Why didn't I ever listen to that stupid Afro Priest or even my Master when they were talking about manners or chivalry or something? I don't know how to do therapy. Well, except… never mind. This girl just reminds me so much of her it's not even funny. Nobody deserves to relive what I went through, I have to calm her down. Damn it! How does one simply make others feel better, and not in the way I usually do it! Maybe if I try and change the subject that will work. …I really need to stop monologuing._

"So hey." The blonde began. "Did you hear about how that boy freaked out like ten minutes ago?" The girl was met with another cold, murderous stare.

"No I didn't." Rummy said, hoping to shut the blonde bitch up.

"Well the guy totally flipped out! From what I heard, the two were friends." At this Rummy's ears perked up, and a small hope in her arose that the situation that the blonde was talking about, was the same one that she thought it could be. "So yeah, the one guy totally called the other out on being a total dick. Then he basically broke the friendship with pure hatred and vowed to kill him on Elimination Day." The hope inside of Rummy continued to grow as she hung on to the blonde's each and every word with baited breath.

"And then what happened?!" Rummy said excitedly as she pounced on the blonde's left shoulder with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Heh. Well… Then everybody stood in shock for two full minutes. Me being me however, I couldn't stand nothing happening for so long. I really hate being bored, ya' know. So I started slowly clapping. 'Cause I mean the guy deserved it." The blonde said with a smile on her face.

"And then?!" Rummy asked, with more excitement than before.

"Then everyone began to clap, and the next thing I know we were all chanting his name."

"And then?!" Rummy asked, with even more excitement than before.

"Then his Servant asked him why we were cheering, and he said it was because everyone met someone like that douche bag before. And that he realized that the douche wasn't a true friend, but that all of us cheering for him were his true friends.

"And then?!" Rummy asked, somehow managing to get even more excited.

"Then the Servant started crying tears of joy while he was speaking." The blonde smiled lovingly, just like how a big sister would smile to a younger sibling when reading them a bedtime story. Like how she did when she read her sister bedtime stories when they were younger.

"Is that it?" Rummy asked.

"Yeah. Oh wait, I think the boy's name was… hmm. I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure he had the same name as a game I played when I was at that casino last."

"Pinochle!" Rummy exclaimed happily.

"Yeah, and the douche bag was named Shinji!" The blond told Rummy as she remembered.

At this point Rummy could die and go to Heaven. Pinochle had just stood up to the one who plunged her into the depths of despair, and verbally kicked his ass. She then remembered how Pinochle interpreted her dream earlier. _Maybe he was right. Maybe we will defeat Shinji and the rest of our opponents._

"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier." Rummy started. "I'd like to start over. My name's Rummy. It's very nice to meet you."

"Heh. I'm Servant Archer. But since there's like twenty of us, I like to call myself Angel Archer. That way, people won't get confused about which archer I am." The blond told Rummy, who looked at her with a surprised expression.

"I didn't know you were a Servant."

"Well I am. So, how about we hang?" Angel offered.

"Ok Angel!" Rummy accepted, doing her signature motion and thinking how fortunate she was to have made this new friend.

* * *

The Battle Tower

(Background Music: Dance of Ruling Water from the Tales of Graces OST)

* * *

After Angel told Rummy about Konton's announcement, the two decided to check out The Battle Tower. The Tower was located farther away than most utilities. It was only accessible via a long forested path, west of the archery club's building, which had only just appeared after Konton was finished addressing everyone. Frankly, Angel was surprised Rummy hadn't heard the announcement, but chalked it up to her hating everything at the time it was made.

After fifteen minutes of walking, Angel and Rummy with the voices in Rummy's head made it to The Battle Tower. It was a giant glass cone without a point, reaching up farther than the eye can see. Surrounding it was a glass wall with a slope on the side. Something that looked like an elevator was attached to its' edge. Finally, the structure was mounted on a stone building in lieu of a roof. The building in turn was surrounded by a beautiful garden.

"Wow." Rummy said.

"Yeah. Wow." Angel agreed. "It takes a lot to make me say something like this, but this scene is absolutely beautiful."

The two then went into The Tower. The lobby was adorned with various statues, suits of armor, tapestries, and so many more elegant decorations. There was even a fountain in the center! They then approached the receptionist while taking the scene all in.

"Welcome to The Battle Tower." The receptionist spoke. "Would you like to train on your own or have a Sparring Match? If need be, we can pair you with a random opponent."

"The brown haired girl is fighting me!" Angel and Rummy turned around to see Shinji, with his classic superiority complex influenced expression. His Servant was also behind him, with his classic lack of expression.

"What do you want bitch?" Rummy asked Shinji, mirroring his expression. This threw him off a little, and even made his Servant raise an eyebrow.

"Wait, shouldn't you be all depressed!? I kicked the living crap out of your Servant remember!?" Shinji said in response.

"Oh I got over that like a hot air balloon after I heard how Pinochle disowned your ass." Rummy laughed with arrogance rivaling that of Gilgamesh. "So, ya' wanna' go? I need to kick your ass physically to match how he kicked your ass verbally. Besides, this chapter needs more than inspirational quotes and Hurt/Comfort plotlines. This chapter needs more action, and I didn't get a chance to kick your ass yet."

"Wait, what do you mean by chapter?" Angel questioned. "Ah never mind, I wanna' kick his ass too. He reminds me of this green haired bitch I used to know, and that Servant faintly resembles her sister."

"…" Said Shinji's Servant. _You could at least help me think of a comeback. Actually, never mind. I have a better idea._

Shinji then smirked and the symbols on his right hand began to glow. "By the power of the Command Spell, I hereby command my Servant to speak in more than just battle situations!" Everyone stared at him, shocked. Nobody was more shocked though, than his Servant. Part of the symbol then disappeared. The absolute order had been issued. Shinji's Servant began to open his mouth, and Shinji took satisfaction in knowing that his Servant had to obey all of his orders.

"You are an idiot."

A cold breeze blew through and a tumbleweed bounced by as Shinji tried to comprehend that the first thing his now vocal Servant did was call him an idiot.

"W-w-w-w-w-what do you mean I'm an idiot!?" Shinji furiously yelled at his Servant. Said Servant then karate chopped him on the head, flooring him. "What the heck Servant!?" His Servant then glared at him and began to speak.

"I was not refusing to speak fool, I merely saw no reason to. I only speak to those I respect, or when I find it necessary. That's what I promised myself when I neglected to tell him what I wanted to."

"Who are you talking about!?" Shinji uttered before his Servant stomped on the floor before him.

"I do not need to tell you that, not after you wasted a Command Spell on something as trivial as getting me to speak." The Servant said while still maintaining his calm as the wind expression. It was clear that he wasn't angry, but that putting his own Master in line was as trivial to him as taking out the trash. He then turned to Rummy and Angel. "I am sorry for the events that occurred earlier today, I was under orders from Shinji. I hope you can forgive me Ms. Rummy."

"Oh that?" Rummy started. "Think nothing of it. I'm over it now. I actually should be thanking you for the wake-up call at time-to-actually-use-a-strategy o' clock." The Servant smiled at this.

"You have earned my respect then Ms. Rummy. And thank you as well Ms. Angel Archer for helping to comfort her."

"Wait, how did you know that I did that huh?" Angel questioned the Servant.

The Servant took a second to chop Shinji on the head again as he attempted to rise off the floor. After he was floored a second time, the Servant spoke again. "I was under Shinji's orders to follow Rummy when she left her room. After I heard you were going to The Battle Tower, I informed him of your decision and he decided to make your life even more miserable."

"Servant, I order you to cease this at once!" Shinji exclaimed.

"You know Shinji, I didn't hear the whole thing but I'm glad that Mr. Pinochle told you off." The boy in red said.

"Why the heck are you!? I'm your Master!?" His Servant then looked at him and said, as if telling him that water was wet.

"Because, I don't like you."

"So, are you fighting me or what?" Rummy asked Shinji.

"Fine!" He angrily replied. "But it's a foregone conclusion since I'll never get beaten by a girl."

"Real mature Shinji." Said his Servant. "And another thing, I'm the one doing all of the actual fighting. But enough of this pointless bickering. I suppose I am to fight Ms. Saber, but where is she?"

_Shit!_ Rummy thought. _He's right! I don't have Saber with me, and I don't want to waste a Command Spell like some people here. That and she's digging up dirt on that Servant with Pinochle. I can't interrupt them. What should I do? … I agree with Angel, I really need to stop monologuing._

"You suppose incorrectly then boy." Said Angel. "You'll be fighting me."

"Hmm? That sounds interesting." The Servant began. "I accept your proposal."

"I am not proposing to you!" Angel retorted. "Oh wait, never mind I get it now."

And with Shinji forbidden to give objections, the four registered their Sparring Match with the receptionist and took an elevator to their Arena Floor.

* * *

Battle Tower Floor 81

"Ok, so all you need to know Rummy is that I use a gun as my weapon. It may seem a little, well weird at first but it's how I fight, ok?" Angel whispered to Rummy as they were waiting in the elevator.

"Got it Angel. Also Shinji's Servant can shoot fire from his hands, but that's all I know about his abilities." Rummy whispered to Angel. The elevator then stopped and opened revealing a room the same size of the lobby. A screen stretching across the entire top of the wall across from them was the first thing they saw. There was also a large Computer Terminal on the left and the right side of the room, each in a similar position to the other one. Between the Terminals was a large rectangle, with its' far ends just in front of the Terminals.

Each of the two teams went to a separate Terminal, Rummy to the right and Shinji to the left. Both Masters plugged their Portable Terminals into the Computer Terminals to act as their screens. The large screen on the wall then lit up showing a picture of Shinji's Servant and Saber on their Master's respective sides. They realized that this was because the equipment had no way of telling that Angel was to fight in Saber's place.

**Select your battlefield.** Said a loud voice. This time however, it wasn't Konton. The voice was obviously either a robot or an NPC due to its' robotic tone. Before Rummy could make a move, Shinji already selected a battlefield. The battlefield he chose was named Castle Duel. After its' selection, castle walls enclosed the perimeter from behind the Terminals and around the field. The floor was now dirt, and both Servants were standing in the middle of a castle of three floors. Specifically, they were in the court yard. Miniature walls rose in front of the Terminals. They were both high enough to protect the Terminals, and small enough to not obstruct either Master's field of view.

"Well, I guess I better get ready." Angel said as she placed her hands up her dress and began to remove her panties.

"What are you doing!?" Shinji said with both shock and excitement. This of course disgusted everyone else in the room, especially both the girls. His Servant however, just patiently waited for Angel to finish.

"This!" Angel announced as she transformed her underwear into a white pistol. Shinji was now no longer excited, he was just shocked.

"Can all girls' underwear do that? Rummy, can you do that with your panties!?" Shinji demanded, thus pissing her off.

"Yeah, no. What are you, eight? But I have to admit, this does give me an idea." Rummy then began to remove her pantyhose, and then her own panties. This gave Shinji the absolute weirdest boner right then. Rummy then walked over and gave her panties to Angel. "Can you use these too?"

"Why yes. Yes I can." Angel said before combining the two pairs of underwear. "I call upon the power of all the goodness in the universe. The charitable, who give to the needy. The kind, who comfort those who suffer. And the loyal, who will never abandon those who they care for. With this power I raise the weapon which once destroyed one thousand evil spirits. And in its' wake, I leave nothing!" Angel then turned to Shinji's Servant. "I'm ready to fight." Then with the final words, she activated her Noble Phantasm. "**Noble Phantasm: Backlace EX!**"

Shinji's Servant smiled at Angel. Truly, he felt that she had earned his respect. The large screen with the Servant's pictures on it then appeared on the castle wall. The voice powered up, and said the last thing that needed to be said.

**Battle of Servant Saber and Servant Rider, begin!**

As the two Servants charged at each other, Rummy could only think one thought. _Shinji's Servant isn't a Caster after all! I was right, he is a Rider!_

* * *

(Fight Music: Team Galactic Battle from the Super Smash Bros Brawl OST)

* * *

As Angel was charging Rider she began transforming Backlace into a sawed-off shotgun. Now that she had two panties to use, she could alter Backlace's shape. When they met in the middle, Angel raised the gun to Rider's head and was about to pull the trigger.

"Charizard, use Fly!"

Angel knew he was up to something now, so she squeezed the trigger as quickly as she could. A shot rang out and dust clouded her field of vision. Had she won already? No way! Angel would admit that she was reckless, but she wasn't stupid. There was no way she had won this easily. It was only then that she realized what direction of escape the command Fly implied. It was too late however, to save her as Charizard slammed his body into her and knocked her back into the castle wall.

"Y-yeah. I guess I deserved that." Angel said while emerging from the rubble. "But a beastman friend of mine on the Throne of Heroes once gave me some advice about attacks like that."

"Really?" Rider asked with a smile, while on top of what can only be described as an orange dragon with a flame on the end of his tail.

"He told me, sneak attacks only work once!" Angel said as she transformed Backlace into a turret and opened fire.

"Return Charizard! Go Turtley!" Rider said as he exchanged his dragon for what appeared to be a giant turtle with a bullet proof shell. Said shell was able to deflect all of the bullets with ease.

"Damn it you're good!"

"Now, Hydro Pump!" Rider said to his Blastoise, who then revealed, and aimed, his cannons at Angel. She barely managed to dodge the high pressured blasts of water, but she jumped and landed to the right of Rider. From this position she proceeded to punch Rider in the face several times until his Blastoise took a swing at her with his shoulder. That's when Angel jumped back, retrieved Backlace, and ran into the castle. Rider's Blastoise was about to follow when Rider told it to stop. He then recalled his Blastoise, and picked up two of the orbs on his belt. He held one in each hand. _I may not know what she's up to, but if I have these two ready than I should be able to counter it. Now we play the waiting game._ There he and both Masters waited for what felt like an eternity, but in actuality was only three minutes._ There she is!_ Rider thought as he dropped the ball in his left hand.

"Pika, use Hundred Thousand Volts!" Rider yelled as a strange electric mouse launched two lightning bolts from his cheeks at one of the castle's windows. One hit the bullet shot at Rider's temple. The other hit Backlace, now in the form of a sniper rifle. The electricity passed through Backlace and shocked Angel. This caused her to lose her balance, and sent her falling out of the window.

"Angel no!" Rummy screamed. She started to run over to the window.

"Hey, you can't interfere with a battle between Servants! If you do then you forfeit!" Shinji jeered. But it didn't matter. The next thing Shinji and Rider saw, was Rummy sacrificing both her arms to catch Angel from a three story drop.

**Crack.** Rummy's arms both shattered as she caught Angel, but despite all the pain she felt and the tears rolling down her cheeks she didn't scream. She then used her broken arms to gently lay Angel on the ground. It was the worst pain she had ever felt. Angel just looked at her in awe.

"Y-you saved me." Angel muttered. "T-thank you."

"Of course Angel." Rummy replied. "You're my friend so of course I'd save you."

"Heh. F-friend or no friend, I d-didn't want you to break your arms for me ya' dumb bitch." Angel joked.

"Said the slut who just fell out of the third floor of a freaking castle." Rummy joked back. Shinji was confused, but Rider knew from seeing them before. This was their way of telling each other that they'd always be there for them.

"Rider, kill them now!" Shinji screamed. Rider turned to see Shinji's Command Spell start to glow. He was going to issue another order. However, fate was on Rummy's side. A bullet hit the castle wall behind Shinji's head, barely missing him. Needless to say, his order was interrupted. "W-who's there!? Show yourself!" Shinji yelled.

"Thank goodness we made it in time. Now Archer, what do you have to say for yourself?" This voice belonged to an older man with white hair and a white beard and mustache. He wore a three layered outfit of chain mail, a long sleeved black tunic, and a green chest plate. His black boots also were armored and came up to his knees. The green of his eyes informed one that he had been through many trials and had gained wisdom because of them.

"Who is that Angel?" Rummy asked.

"Unfortunately, that man is my Master."

"He looks kind of cool though."

"Ugh, please don't compliment him when he's just gonna' chew me out."

"Archer." Blackmore began. "I shall not apprehend you for this violation to the code of chivalry that you have made."

"Yeah yeah. Wait, what?" Angel said confused, for this was the part where her Master usually scolded her.

"I heard from a reliable source that you were there for that girl when she needed somebody." Blackmore's voice then took an understanding tone. "I am honored that my Servant was able to save such a young person from the depths of despair. And so, I am willing to overlook how you ran away from me earlier this morning."

"T-thanks I guess." Angel responded in shock from being praise by Blackmore, though she was still unsure of why her Master was here. Blackmore then turned to Rummy.

"It is a pleasure to meet you. I am Sir Dan Blackmore, a knight in service of the queen."

"And I am Rummy, a Master sharing a Servant with another."

"Wait, sharing a Servant?" Angel questioned, to which Rummy promised to explain later.

"Yes, I have been informed of your unique situation. Though you need not worry for I do not think any less of you because of it." Blackmore kindly informed Rummy.

"Guys, someone kind of just tried to kill me!" Shinji yelled in panic. This sentence was finished by another bullet hitting the previous one and Shinji screaming like a little girl.

"Oh stop your whining!" Called out the most familiar voice to every Master and Servant in The Grail War. Everyone looked up to see Konton lying on top of one of the castle tower's roofs.

"Mr. Konton Coded was the one who informed me of the situation regarding you Rummy, and of the match being fought here. He also informed me that Archer's opponent was a frequent user of dirty tricks." Blackmore then glared at Shinji, recognizing him from Konton's earlier description. "You are a disgrace to the laws of chivalry, and to honor itself! How can you even call yourself a man?! The entire country of England shall know of you as her new enemy."

This day was obviously not going well for Shinji. He lost his power over Pinochle, learned that his own Servant didn't like him, and now an entire country hated his guts. But he still had one ace up his sleeve.

"Konton, Rummy just interfered with a match between Servants! I demand that she be disqualified from The Holy Grail War!" Shinji ordered. This order though, only made the administrator burst out laughing.

"This coming from the kid who was just going to kill them outside the arena?" Konton said amidst his laughter. He then regained his composure, and began acting out a scene between two characters in response to Shinji's request.

"Ring Ring."

"Hello, this is Pot."

"Hi it's me, Kettle!"

"Oh hi Kettle, what's going on?"

"I'd just like to say that you're black."

"Well I'd like to say I've been fucking your wife!"

Shinji stared at Konton in shock. Blackmore let out a sign at Konton's use of profanity. Everyone else burst out laughing. Even Rider cracked a smile and started to chuckle. Konton realized that Shinji was struggling to understand the most recent verbal smack down delivered to him, so he decided to offer him a hand.

"Means no."

"What, why!?" Shinji demanded.

"Because nobody here likes you. And because you are just as guilty as they are if not more. Now close your food hole, I have a reason for coming here." Konton then jumped down. For obvious reasons, this startled Rummy. Naturally she was surprised when he floated down gently after falling halfway.

"Cheater!" Rummy jeered at Konton.

"I hope you realize I came down here to heal your arms." Konton retorted.

"I am not worthy." Rummy replied. Satisfied, Konton walked over to Rummy and touched her shoulders with his hands. Her arms then began to glow with a bluish light. Her arms, twisted beyond all natural positions, slowly began to return to a normal shape. This continued on for about five minutes. After that time had passed Rummy's arms were completely healed.

"Gotta' love my Admin privileges." Konton said to himself. "So, do you wanna' continue the fight? Sir Blackmore said he would allow it."

"Sure." Angel said. "I'm ready to kick some more ass."

Rider chuckled a little. "Then I will be your opponent for as long as you wish Ms. Angel Archer." And with that, the fight resumed with the addition of two spectators.

* * *

(Fight Music: The Clash by Sound Factory Carolina)

* * *

"Pika, return!" Rider yelled out. He then grabbed another sphere off his belt with his left hand.

"Oh no you don't!" Angel yelled as she transformed Backlace into a handgun and shot the ball out of his hand. _Yes! Now he has to go over to get that ball, but by the time he does he's gonna' be full of lead._

Rider then proceeded to activate the sphere in his right hand, calling forth his Charizard once more. His Charizard then took him into the sky again

"Crap! That's the same one he was holding while he was waiting for you to attack him from the castle!" Rummy exclaimed.

"Don't you ever put anything back?!" Angel questioned while turning Backlace into an anti aircraft missile launcher and going trigger happy.

"I just decided to do what a scout would do and Be Prepared!" Rider yelled while his Charizard slashed at Angel with blades of wind. "Air Slash!"

Angel barely managed to dodge these and take Backlace with her as Rider did the same to the missiles. "Like you're actually a Scout!" Angel said while snapping her fingers. The missiles then began to turn around and head back towards Rider.

"Mother of Arceus, those missiles are homing!" Rider yelled before his Charizard threw him off and took the hit from six missiles. The Pocket Monster then returned, and Rider continued freefalling. However, unlike Angel Rider hadn't been harmed before falling. This meant that he was able to think clearly enough to grab one of his spheres and summon another one of his mounts.

"Go Lax!" Rider screamed as his Snorlax appeared on the ground underneath him. He then used his Snorlax as a makeshift trampoline, and bounced up on contact with him. Angel however, took this opportunity to transform Backlace again.

"O hero of the past, I behest thee. Lend me thine power, and crush my enemies before me!" Angel chanted as Backlace took the shape of a certain Thompson Contender. "**Noble Phantasm Alter: Origin Shot!**" Angle then took aim and shot the Servant in the left shoulder. This caused Rider to fall off of his Snorlax trampoline. Angel took a moment to be proud of herself for hitting the guy but it didn't last.

"Wait, I shot you with the Origin Bullet. How come your Noble Phantasm Creature thing is still here?" Angel asked. Rider got to his feet holding his wound and began to answer her.

"I assume then that that shot was meant to disable my use of Noble Phantasm." Rider deduced. "In that case let me tell you something about my Noble Phantasm. The spheres you see around my waist are my Noble Phantasm: Monster Ball. The creatures within them however, are not my Noble Phantasm. They are my familiars, as you would put it. In other words, I may not be able to change my familiar but shooting me with that won't get rid of him."

Angel chuckled a little at this. "So basically this is your last stand?" She was getting thrilled by all the action going on. _This is almost as good as sex! Almost._

"I guess you could call it that." Rider told her.

"In that case." Angel began with a smirk. "Then here I come!" She began to transform Backlace into a minigun, and Rider called out to his Snorlax.

"Lax, Earthquake!"

The ground began to shake violently. Konton realized the danger and immediately used his Administrator tools to give a force field to each of the Masters and to himself. His reaction was justified as the castle walls began to crumble. Pieces of stone began to fall everywhere, making huge craters in the ground.

Angel finished Backlace's transformation just as a piece of stone began to fall over her head. Realizing her time was running out, Angel took aim at her targets and began to fire. As Angel was being crushed, the minigun bullets tore through Rider's Snorlax and then proceeded to tear through Rider himself. Rider's body disappeared from the bullet wounds at the same time Angel's body disappeared from being crushed to a bloody pulp. The Skirmish Match was over. It was a draw.

* * *

Rummy's Private Room

After saying her goodbyes and taking care of business, Rummy returned to her private room as tired as a fatherfucker. When she entered the room, she was fully intent on collapsing. However she wasn't fortunate enough to get the chance.

"Rummy, are you ok?! Saber and I were so worried about you! We searched everywhere for you!" As previously stated, she wasn't fortunate enough to get the chance to collapse due to an extremely worried and concerned Pinochle jumping on her with questions the millisecond she got back.

"I'm ok Nucks." She said in her cutesy tired voice.

"You don't sound ok Master." Saber told her. "Why don't you sit down and relax while you tell us how your day went?"

"Kay." Rummy replied with a yawn. She then took a seat on the ground as if she were about to meditate. She then observed that Pinochle's face turned bright red and he turned away. After wondering for a few seconds why he would do that, her sleep deprived mind came up with an answer.

"Oh yeah, I left my panties with Angel. Don't worry though, I'm too tired to care if you see it." At this utterance, even Saber began to blush.

"In any case Master, how about you change into your pajamas before we talk?" Saber asked, now embarrassed as well.

"Kay." Was Rummy's tired and spacey reply.

After the awkwardness had subsided, the three began to converse on how they each spent their day.

"So then he says." Rummy said, now beginning her impression of Konton.

"Ring Ring."

"Hello, this is Pot."

"Hi it's me, Kettle!"

"Oh hi Kettle, what's going on?"

"I'd just like to say that you're black."

"Well I'd like to say I've been fucking your wife!"

The three then burst out laughing. The things that guy said sometimes were just too hilarious.

"Oh man." Pinochle said as he struggled to catch his breath. "That was hysterical."

"I know right?!" Rummy said like an excited valley girl. Her reason for having this newfound energy was, of course, caffeine. "But anywayz, I'm pretty sure we shared all of the information we found out about Shinji's Servant today."

"I would like to agree with you as well Master." Saber stated. "I believe that we are very close to unraveling Rider's identity. It seems that we only need one more piece to the puzzle."

"Yeah, and it's all thanks to you Rummy." Pinochle said.

"Oh you." Rummy replied with fake embarrassment. "Well then, I think that I'm going to turn in fo' teh night." After she had finished her sentence, she immediately and literally fell asleep. Literally because she hit her head and legs on the floor, as she was lying on her front with her calves up in the air.

"Well, I'm really glad that Rummy's alright." Pinochle told Saber.

"And I am fortunate to have such amazing Masters." Saber responded. The two then proceeded to follow Rummy's lead and drift off into dream land. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

* * *

(Ending Music: Proof by Mell)

* * *

Omake: Author's Room

"Hello my loyal people and welcome to the Author's room. I'm sure you know the drill by now, so I'll just get right to it! Our guest is a guy of few words. Someone that proves that Shinji is an ass that even a mother can't love. His name is Rider!"

The only swivel chair that I can afford spun around to show that it was in fact holding Rider.

"What's up Mastersword?"

"Nothing much Rider. So then, if you could relive one part of this chapter, what would it be and why?"

"Hmm, that's a tough question. But I guess I'd have to say the second part of the fight I had with Ms. Archer Angel. After Shinji had given up on ordering me around."

"What did happen to Shinji during that part anyway?"

"He was rocking back and forth behind the Terminal in the fetal position."

"Elle-Oh-Flippin'-Elle! So anything else you wanna' mention?"

"Two things actually. First, I was slightly disappointed that this chapter didn't have any Kirei or Deadpool moments. They're one of my favorite parts of this fic.

"We love you too!" Screamed Kirei and Deadpool in the Live Studio Audience as they both cried manly tears and operated a booth selling official Rider and Pokemon merchandise.

"There, I wrote one in for you."

"Much obliged. And my final question is something the readers are probably wondering too. How did Angel get her hands on Kiritsugu's Origin Shot?"

"Well Rider, that is a very good question. And that question as well as many others will all be answered in the next exciting chapter of Fate:EXTRA Insanity Ball Z!"

"So in other words, you just put it in spur of the moment because it looked cool and you hope you can come up with some reason to justify it by the time you write the next chapter."

"That is not true! I totally have a reason!"

"If you do than why don't you tell me?"

"But if you wait as an added bonus we'll reveal your identity!"

"If they haven't figured it out by now they're hopeless."

"Goodnight Everybody!"

"But I wasn't finished talking."

* * *

**Author Note:**

**Hello once again everyone. I just have a few things to say, then I promise that the chapter will be over. I really made it long compared to my other chapters. I guess that's what happens when you work for over twelve hours in a single day. (Save me! TT_TT) But anyway, now for my notes. The move Hundred Thousand Volts that Rider's Pikachu used is the translation of the Japanese name for the Thunderbolt attack. I decided to call it as such to avoid using the phrase "Pikachu, use thunderbolt!" and because Hundred Thousand Volts sounds way more badass! The next thing is that I'm opening up a new omake starting next chapter. It will be called, Gilgamesh's Question Throne-Room! If you by chance include a question for any character in a private message to me, I may decide to use it as Gilgamesh forces the cast of this fanfic to answer question after question. But then again I may not. After all, I have plenty of questions for the cast as well. And lastly, I want to thank you all for being there for me. I already mentioned it, but I took off due to my wisdom teeth surgery. I'm sorry that I didn't let you guys know, but I'll be sure to let you know if this fic is going on hiatus from now on. Really though, at the end of the day I do all of this for you guys. I hope you all like what I made for you. If you so feel inclined, please review this story to constructively criticize/motivate me. Thank you very much everyone, and, as always,**

**Stay Awesome!**


	4. Chapter 3: The Legacy

**Well, it's finally here. This is the final chapter in the Rider saga! I honestly didn't think I would have made it this far without all you guys helping me. I know it sounds sappy, but I really mean it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me. Well, it's about time to get started then. Rider! Why don't you give the disclaimer?!**

"**Why thank you Mr. Mastersword." Rider began. "Mr. Mastersword does not own any of the songs mentioned in the story, characters in the story, or even the world the story takes place in. With the exception of anything he actually created for himself. Now then, without further adieu, enjoy your fanfic of questionable quality."**

* * *

?

(Background Music: Emotion from Pokémon Black/White)

* * *

There the two stood, on top of the mountain in the middle of the night. The blizzard was getting even fiercer than it already was. It obscured the battle taking place. It also obscured the boys, but if you looked close enough you could faintly make out their hats. One wore a hat of Red and white, while the other wore a hat of Gold and black. One could also faintly hear the orders that the boys called out to their familiars as they did battle.

_I remember._

At times the blizzard aided one boy or the other, at other times it worked against the both of them. The only constant task that the blizzard performed was that it prevented anyone from seeing what was unfolding. It kept the boys and their familiars in their own world, a world where they would not be interrupted by the petty concerns of everyday life. No, this world was a world where the only reality was the battle taking place right then. That was what was going on. That was what mattered. That was the only thing of importance left to him anymore.

_I know what happens next._

It was time for their battle to end. Both knew that the next move would decide the victor. The boy in Red sent out his greatest ally, a yellow electric familiar. The boy in Gold sent out his most trusted ally, the familiar that had accompanied him ever since his journey began. The two familiars let out their powers and a cloud of snow blew up surrounding everything. People from far away saw and heard the explosion which caused the cloud and began to wake up and panic, but the researcher who owned the mountain quickly responded to quell the chaos.

_Why am I seeing this again?_

The blizzard then began to clear the cloud. The boy in Gold watched, with bated breath, to find out who had won. But the boy in Red? He just pulled his hat down, preventing the boy in Gold from seeing his eyes. He already knew the outcome. And so the cloud dissipated, revealing the panting familiar of the boy in Gold, and the familiar of the boy in Red which lay on the ground, motionless.

_Don't go!_

The boy in Gold looked relieved. He now knew that he had won. But the boy in Red made no change to his expression. And as the boy in Gold opened his mouth to speak to him, the blizzard performed its' final task and blocked everything out in front of him. After the gust of freezing temperature had subsided, the boy in Red and his yellow familiar had vanished. The boy in Gold looked at the spot that his opponent had been in awe. He then said to himself and his familiar the only thought he could muster.

"But I never had the chance to learn his name."

_Why? Why did I run away!? I abandoned him. And I didn't even tell him what he had just done. He must have gone through his entire life without knowing who he battled that day, or the significance of his victory. So why? Why did I run away? I had so much that I wanted to say to him, so why? He deserved an explanation! Why do I always do this! If only I didn't keep people at such a distance, then I wouldn't have done it out of instinct._

_All I can tell myself is that if I had stayed the boy could have been in danger. That's the price of being a hero. I beat Giovanni and the Rocket Gang once, if they ever had a chance to rise again I'm sure they'd come after my friends and family for revenge. So that's why I entrusted all that I had to Green and Blue and cut ties with civilization. Professor Oak let me live on Mt. Silver so that nobody would bother me. Then after I told my mother goodbye one last time, I faked my own death and fled to Mt. Silver._

_Three years. I was alone with nobody but my Pokémon for three years. Then that boy with the gold hat came. I jumped the gun and thought he was an assassin sent from the Rocket Gang to take revenge. But through the battle, I realized that he was just another Trainer like me. Someone who truly loved and cared for his Pokémon. But after the fight, I fled out of instinct. I guess being alone for three years in the cold really does make your social skills give way to instinct. That is my greatest regret, abandoning that boy._

_I died soon after that. My Pokémon lacked the necessary strength to do battle, or even keep me warm. We froze to death later that night, and that's how we all ascended to The Throne of Heroes. I wish I was back there now. I made some great friends who helped me get my social skills back. Heroes like Diarmuid and Arturia became my best friends. They were the only ones I would talk to._

_But then after the two of them had been summoned for one of The Holy Grail Wars, the last one that ever used magic, Diarmuid absolutely hated Arturia. I never truly found out why that was. Though I was still able to maintain my friendship with both of them, they never made up, and we never hung out all together again._

_So here I am right now. Trapped in a dream before I fight for Shinji's life. I won't die if I lose, I'll just return to The Throne of Heroes. But Shinji won't be so lucky. If I lose Shinji will be stripped of his Command Spells and die. The world may be better off without people like him, but I'd prefer to have him live so that he can have the chance to change. I was like that too when I was eight. But I had to grow up fast though to face all the challenges I went through._

_I guess in the end, all I want is to fix the mistakes I made. That why if I get The Holy Grail, I'll wish that the me of the past had the ability to reach out. If I had just stepped up and changed something, if I had just stuck around and talked to that boy, if I had just tried to repair the friendship between Arturia and Diarmuid. Well then maybe, just maybe, I would see myself for what everyone calls me. A Pokémon Master._

* * *

Shinji's Private Room

"Wake up Rider!" Shinji yelled as he dumped a cold bucket of water on Rider's head. This of course was more than enough to wake the Servant up. "Our match is today since that stupid Konton screwed with our schedules. Listen up, you better win today you got that!" Rider just stood up.

"Yeah, I got it." He said to his Master. The very same Master then looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"Were you… crying?" Shinji questioned. Rider then put a hand to his cheek and felt moisture on his fingertips. This surprised him, but he still had to give an answer.

"I just had a dream about what happened before I died is all. And about the events leading up until right now as well." Rider replied. This made Shinji give an even more confused look.

"I didn't know that Servants could dream, or that they died." He said with surprising naivety.

"That's how the story of a Hero ends Shinji. They die so that another can come along and take their place."

"B-but I watch your show every week! How can you possibly be dead!?" Shinji said in a panic. _If he died then that means he might be a weaker Servant than I thought he was. This is just my luck! That is to say that my luck sucks!_ Rider just looked at him as neutral as ever.

"You have my identity confused with another. I am not Pokémon Trainer Ash." Rider bluntly stated. It was now time for a full Shinji freak out.

"W-w-w-w-w-what!? If you're not Ash, then who are you!?" Rider gave a sigh; it seemed that he had to give the title that he didn't deserve.

"My true identity is that of Pocket Monster Master Red." Rider told the boy. _He probably never played the original Pokémon games, that's why he doesn't know about me._ Shinji's face however, instantly lit up.

"Wait, you're a Pokémon Master?! That must mean that you're even better than Ash is!" Shinji squealed with delightful glee. "There's no way we can lose now! Let's go Rider!" Shinji then ran out of his room towards the Coliseum, but Rider stayed behind for a little bit. With how thick headed Shinji was, Rider knew that he would just think he was following him in his spirit form. Rider then went to the other side of the room. He then looked out the window and stared out into the distance. Tears then began to roll down his cheeks once more, despite his ever neutral expression. He then let out a sigh and said a few words to the only being there that would truly listen to him, the distance he gazed at.

"The only title I have truly earned is that of The Master of Nothing."

And with that Rider reverted back to his spirit form to follow his Master. As he walked his tears left a trail behind him. Just as Gold followed the path to meet him on top of Mt. Silver, Pinochle and his team would follow this trail of tears to Red's new Mt. Silver.

Once again for Red, losing would mean his death.

* * *

**Chapter 3: The Legacy of The Master of Nothing**

(Opening Music: Highschool of the Dead by Kishida Kyoudan and the Akeboshi Rockets)

* * *

Rummy's Private Room

The three of them were now up, and with an hour to spare! It was Pinochle's idea to wake up earlier so they could organize their information on Rider. This was a truly sensible idea that the two girls also agreed to. This agreement however did not stop Rummy's complaints about being woken up so early.

"(Yawn) Just five more minutes…" Rummy requested of Pinochle and Saber.

"Rummy, we really can't waste any time." Pinochle responded.

"Fine!" The girl said as she, reluctantly, got out of bed.

"Well then Masters" Saber began. "Let us begin deducing the identity of this Rider.

* * *

(Deduction Music: Examination Moderate 2004 from Phoenix Wright: Trials and Tribulations)

* * *

"Let's begin with what we know shall we?" Pinochle Questioned before presenting a set of pictures to the girls. "As you can see, his style of dress isn't too far removed from what a normal teenager would wear. However, it seems to be slightly modified, such as the addition of the belt and orbs, to allow it to be useful in actual combat. His choice of colors is mainly red, blue, white, and black. The last note about his appearance is that his eyes are also red."

"Well then Master, shall we review his fighting style?" Saber asked Rummy.

"Yeah, that might help." She replied.

"Then I'll begin." Saber said. "Our first fight with Rider ended very badly for us. He nearly killed me with the fire he shot out of his hand! What he say when he shot it out again?"

"He said Blast Burn." Rummy answered.

"Hmm, I believe that is correct Master. Now would you tell us about what you learned from your fight with him yesterday?"

"But of course Saber, but of course." Rummy began, as she took several colored sketches out and passed them around. "These are the creatures Rider used against me yesterday. He called them, in order, Charizard, Turtley, Pika, and Lax. I also know that that Charizard can use abilities called Fly and Air Slash, Turtley can use Hydro Pump, Pika can use One Hundred Thousand Volts, and Lax can use Earthquake. However, I suspect that Charizard was also the one who used Blast Burn. That's because flames are coming out of his tail. Therefore I have deduced that he must have power over air and fire, Turtley must have power over water, Pika must have power over electricity, and Lax has power over ground. But as an extra note about Lax, it didn't seem natural that he was using Earthquake. It felt like it was taught to him."

In light of all of this information, the three began to put their heads together, producing nothing but hot air.

"Damn it, who is this guy?" Pinochle questioned.

"I feel like he'd call us hopeless if he knew we didn't figure it out by now." Saber said, giving Rummy a little snicker which was dismissed as her being weird again. It was at that time that she noticed Rummy was still in her pajamas. "Master, why are you still in your pajamas?"

"Because I still don't have my panties or pantyhose back, and I am NOT giving every guy here a free show." She replied, which was logical seeing as her pajamas were a long white shirt with pink polka-dots and long white pants with the same pattern. Though only Saber and Pinochle would know that she was, in fact, not wearing underwear today.

"I'm not wearing underwear today.

No, I'm not wearing underwear today.

Not that you probably care

Much about my underwear

Still none the less I've gotta' say

That I'm not wearing underwear today!" Rummy sang, which prompted clapping from Pinochle, Saber, and Angel. At this point, Rin burst into the room shouting.

"GET A JOB!"

"Thank you honey." Rummy returned. "Oh by the way, what are you three doing here?"

"Wait three?" Pinochle questioned before a certain lance fell over and almost impaled him.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry!" Lancer said. "I legitimately didn't notice you there you…" At that moment Lancer's heart skipped a beat. As she gazed into Pinochle's eyes, she had a feeling that she only experienced maybe once or twice before.

"Save the romantic sub plot for later! We're still not done our deduction! And you still haven't told us why you're here." Rummy announced, now apparently the voice of reason. (God help us all.)

"I'm here to drop off your panties and such." Angel told Rummy.

"You can borrow them for a little while longer."

"Thanks yo."

"Ya' welcome hoe." After the two best friends had a little laugh and hugged with relief that the other was ok, Rin began to speak.

"I came here because your singing can be heard in the freaking Library! Konton let me in to tell you to shut up, and that everyone knows you're going commando."

"I'm just here for the musical number. I saw it a long time ago in Germany." Lancer explained. They would have continued talking about Broadway Musicals, but Pinochle called for order.

"I call for order!" Pinochle said, thus ending the uproar of why everyone came here. "Do any of you have other information about Rider? We're trying to figure out his identity."

"I got some." Angel began. "While I was fighting him, he seemed like a professional at what he was doing. Also, I got the feeling that he was holding back. Oh and one last thing, he said something about promising to only speak to those he respected after not speaking to someone he wanted to."

"Thanks Angel." Rummy started. "Anything you know Rin?"

"Well, Shinji said something about his servant yesterday. I believe it was about him going on many adventures, hanging out with these people called Gym Leaders, and always stopping this Team Rocket."

"Thank you Rin and you Lancer?" Rummy asked.

"Well, it's not much, but I think I saw him earlier talking to this purple thing." If there was a record player, it would have made a scratch sound effect right now. After a long awkward silence, Angel remembered something else.

"Also, he said his Noble Phantasm wasn't the creatures he commanded, but the orbs he kept them in. He called them **Noble Phantasm: Monster Ball** I think."

"Ok" Rummy began. "Well if we write off that purple thing as one of his familiars… I still have no damn clue!" Rummy shouted as she flipped the table that just happened to be there. "I feel like it's so obvious." She then walked over to the window. It had a beautiful view. She could see some people outside, the Archery Building, and even The Battle Tower.

"Wait a second." Rummy said. Then it all became clear to her. Her eyes widened in understanding and she completely froze in place.

"Are you well Master?" Saber asked. Rummy simply paid her no heed as she addressed someone not even in the room.

"Mastersword, change the music. I am about to blow your freaking minds."

* * *

(Deduction Music: Cornered 2004 from Phoenix Wright: Trials and Tribulations)

* * *

"I have just figured out Rider's identity!" Rummy exclaimed. This made everyone gasp in amazement. She continued to speak, not letting anyone else get a word in edgewise. "Exhibit A: Rider is dressed in a similar style to a normal teenager, leading me to conclude that he is a normal teenager."

"And that helps how?" Rin asked.

"You'll see, you'll see. Exhibit B: He uses his **Noble Phantasm: Monster Ball** to summon his creatures. Seeing as his familiars are not Noble Phantasms themselves, I can conclude that in his world there must be others like him with the some, if not all, of the same familiars. At the very least, I can conclude that in his world the inhabitants must have the potential to get the same familiars."

"And what does that mean for you guys?" Lancer questioned.

"It means that the creatures he has are commonplace in his world, that there are many others like him. Exhibit C: He calls his familiars by name. Turtley, Pika, and Lax. But, there is one name that stands out. That name is Charizard. From this, I can assume that those others have been nicknamed. I believe the reason Charizard has no nickname is because he was originally someone else's. Also, Turtley's nickname sounds different, so I assume that he was originally someone else's as well."

"Ok, so what does it all mean?" Angel inquired.

"I'm not done just yet. Exhibit D: Rider hangs around Gym Leaders, goes on adventures, and beats Team Rocket. These traits are all very similar to a certain character I've known since I was a kid. Yes, I believe that Rider is none other than **Satoshi** from the Pokémon franchise, localized in America as **Ash Ketchum**!" Rummy announced. Everyone began clapping, mostly out of surprise. Everyone that is, except for Pinochle. He was busy thinking about the deduction. Saber noticed this.

"Master, is something wrong?"

"Yeah, there's just one piece that doesn't seem to fit. Wait, actually there are two."

"Then you shouldn't leave it like this. You need to present your theory as well. We must consider all possibilities of the enemy's identity or it could lead to my defeat and your deaths.

"All right then." Pinochle said to her. He knew what he had to do, and he had the evidence to back it up.

"**OBJECTION!"**

* * *

(Deduction Music: Pursuit ~ Lying Coldly from Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth)

* * *

"Excuse me?" Rummy asked. "I've already figured out Rider's identity. What are you even objecting to?" Pinochle then wagged his finger at her.

"I'm objecting to your logic of course, because I think you don't know who he really is!" Rummy did a spit take and started to speak.

"Oh really, then can you tell me why my theory is wrong, despite me having testimony from Shinji himself!"

"I can." Pinochle said while looking cocky.

"Wait WHAT?!"

"Your testimony failed to take into account how much of an idiot Shinji is. I can testify to the same through personal experience. But even if he wasn't an idiot, it is still possible to mistake Rider's identity for Ash's due to how close it is to his real identity!"

"What?!" Rummy exclaimed with an over the top reaction. "In that case, why don't you prove it?" Rummy then hit the overturned table from earlier with a whip from out of nowhere. "Oh, and if you can't, expect to get whipped. Hard."

"Ash has had very few purple Pokémon, the most notable of which are both Muk and Gliscor. If it were Muk then the first thing Lancer would have noticed when she saw Rider talking to him wouldn't have been the color, it would have been the smell!"

"Ack! It still could have been Gliscor though. This proves nothing!" Rummy rebutted.

"But wait, there's more! Pokémon can't speak the human language unless they're of the psychic type. Barring a few exceptions of course. But seeing as Rider has, so far, been seen only using the original one hundred and fifty Pokémon, I doubt it is one of those exceptions!"

"A-are you claiming to know who the mysterious Pokémon is?!" Rummy demanded. Pinochle just shook his head.

"Unfortunately, I cannot claim to know that at this time. However, I still have one more shred of evidence to present."

"Then out with it! What else do you have to try and prove me wrong?!"

"Rider testified himself to vowing something unusual. He vowed only to speak to those he respected. What's more, he made this vow after failing to talk to someone he wanted to. Ash made no such vow."

"Then why don't you answer what all of us have been thinking?" Rummy questioned as she cracked her whip, and then held it high above her head. "Who is Rider?!"

Pinochle then let out a slight laugh. He then turned serious and began to speak. "The true identity of Rider… is none other than Pocket Monster Master Red!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Rummy yelled overdramatically as her theory was ripped to shreds. It was over, Pinochle had won.

"Most impressive Master!" Saber congratulated. She then saw Rummy crying in a corner. "You were great too Master."

"R-really?" Rummy said amidst the tears.

"Yeah. I couldn't have figured it out without your theory to build off of." Pinochle told her. After the two of them made up, the others explained they had to go. After saying good bye and wishing them good luck, the others departed. Now was the time for action. The three left the room and headed for The Coliseum, and the fight for their lives.

* * *

First Floor

Once the three had made it to the first floor, Kirei instructed to go through the door to the storage room. "But before you go, I would like to speak to the girl about something."

Rummy obliged. "What's up?"

"Listen, I've given it some thought, and I wanted to tell you today in case you die that you were right. I am Kirei Kotomine from Fate:Zero Sense and its' sequel Fate:Stay Away."

"I knew it! But why are you telling me this?" Rummy asked.

"Well, I just wanted you to know that you were right is all. Don't expect some sort of creepy romantic sub plot. I just wanted you to know that you were right." Kirei replied.

"Well thanks!" Rummy said as she started to leave. She then stopped and ran back to him. "Hey, after this me and a few friends are going to Angel's strip club, how about you and Assassin come with?"

Kirei laughed. "Wouldn't miss it for the world." Rummy then left for real this time. The other two hadn't heard her, so they asked no questions. They then entered the door to the storage room, ready to face Shinji and Red.

* * *

Coliseum

(Background Music: Victory Road from Super Smash Bros Brawl)

* * *

They appeared in a cybernetic elevator going down. The only remarkable feature it had was the pane of glass that separated Pinochle's team from Shinji's.

"So the losers finally show up." Shinji said. "Do you have any idea how long it will take for Rider to beat you? No time at all! Hahahahaha!"

"Make no mistake Shinji; this day will be your last." Pinochle retorted. "Now that we know your Servant is Red."

Shinji gasped. "H-h-how do you know that!?"

"Well, you weren't exactly the most subtle person Shinji." Red commented while rolling his eyes. "But that doesn't matter. Mr. Pinochle, thank you for telling Shinji off yesterday. If he survives, it will be a valuable lesson to him. Furthermore, I apologize for my actions in The Arena. I was under orders from Shinji and I hope you can forgive me."

"You are forgiven Red." Pinochle assured him. "Still though, who would have thought I'd have to fight one of my childhood heroes?"

Red smiled at this. "Thank you Mr. Pinochle. I wish it could have been under different circumstances, but I am glad to have met you."

The elevator neared The Coliseum. Once they were there, only a few of them would leave with their lives. This was how every week was to be for the contestants. They would spend most of their time training and doing recon, then they would fight to the death at the end of the week. Even though they were fighting earlier than the rest of the teams, the result would still be the same. No matter what, someone was going to die. This Holy Grail War was a death sentence. After all, only one person could win.

* * *

Screen Room

On the top floor of The Battle Tower was a special place created by Konton. This was where the other Masters and Servants had gathered to watch the battle taking place. The room was larger than the floors of The Tower, and was only able to support its' weight due to Konton's editing skill/him turning off gravity in relation to the room. Everyone was cheering for Pinochle Rummy and Saber, especially those that heard Pinochle's speech the other day. Snacks were being sold as well. The place was like a movie theater.

A blond haired boy stood looking at the big screen. He wasn't alone, there were others watching him. Not out of malevolence though, but out of a desire to protect him. The boy then looked around. It appeared that Rin, Rani, and Sir Blackmore were sitting together, and their Servants were discussing something together. The boy looked at them fondly, but was then brought out of his thoughts by Konton.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it is almost time for the match to begin. Please go to your seats to watch the most satisfying beat down of a jerkass ever." Konton announced.

"Master, we should return to our seats." Said the boy's Servant. He was a man of normal height, with blue eyes and short spiky blonde hair. He also wore white and blue armor with a circle of yellow objects near the top with an orange object in the center of the circle. He also wore a blue cape with a white symbol on the back, gauntlets, and full leg armor. His entire body, save for his face, was covered by his armor. The only other thing of notice that he possessed was a sword of European design fastened to his left side with a jeweled belt.

"Yes, I believe so as well. Let us go then Flynn." The boy, Leo said to his Servant Flynn Scifo. It was time for the match to begin, and he wanted to see what Pinochle was truly capable of.

"Then let us be off Master." Flynn said. And so, the two of them returned to their seats, just as the elevator had reached the Coliseum.

* * *

Coliseum

It was impossible! Red stared at The Coliseum and knew it couldn't be real. However, it was. The Coliseum had taken the form of Mt. Silver.

As the teams left the elevator, they each proceeded to different sides of The Coliseum. The result, an exact mirror of where Red was when he fought his final battle. This time however, it was going to be different. Maybe not the result, but this time he would be heard.

"I am Pocket Monster Master Red, and I would like to battle." Red began. "Are you ready?"

Saber looked Red straight in the eyes and told him. "Yes! Yes I am!"

* * *

(Battle Music: Trainer Red Epic Remix by DJTheFishhead, remix of Johto Champion Theme from the Pokémon franchise)

* * *

Red wasted no time in sending out Pika. "Volt Tackle!" Saber dodged this and proceeded to draw her sword at the electric mouse. She swung to behead it, but the little thing was just too damn fast. Saber then noticed that Red was busy chanting.

"Every challenge along the way, with courage I have faced. I have battled every day, and gained my rightful place."

_Damn it!_ Saber thought. _He's using this thing as a distraction!_ She then tried to close the distance between them, but Pika kept at her. This made her advance impossible, due to rabid electric mice. "Damn it you little runt, move!" Saber yelled as she punted the Pikachu right into Shinji's face. She then began to close the gap.

"Now it's here, the time is right, there's no better team." Red continued. Saber knew though, that there wouldn't be enough time for him to finish. She knew that she wouldn't be able to kill him like she thought last time, but disrupting his chant wasn't out of the picture. Saber readied her sword and swung at Red.

"Code Cast: Loss_lck!" Shinji yelled out. His code cast then took effect, making Saber's luck so bad that she tripped mid-swing. Pika, who had now returned to Red's side, took this opportunity to unleash electricity at her. Saber however, still had enough luck to dodge. This however, meant forfeiting her chance to stop Red's chant. _Damn it!_

"Arm and arm, we'll win the fight, now we'll fulfill our dream! **Noble Phantasm: Held Items**!" Sure enough, Pika was now holding something. "Now Pika, use Electro Ball!" Pika then formed a ball of electricity at his tail. He jumped high in the air and launched it at Saber. Saber dodged it, but the ground where it his exploded like a grenade and pieces of rocks did manage to scratch Saber up a bit.

"How did you do that just now?!" Saber demanded while, once again, trying to close the gap between the two.

"My **Noble Phantasm: Held Items** gives each of my Pokémon an item that has a specific effect." Rider answered while recalling Pika. "Pika's Held Item is the Light Ball, which boosts his Attack and Special Attack." Red then held up another Monster Ball. "And this, is where things get interesting. Go, Turtley!" Red's Blastoise then appeared.

"Ha! If you think that thing is faster than me" Saber began. She didn't get to finish, as Turtley had punched her back, knocking her into the ground.

"I am well aware of how slow Turtley normally is Ms. Saber, but his Held Item, Choice Scarf, doubles his speed." Red told her. "Now Turtley, Hydro Cannon!" The Blastoise then revealed his cannons and shot out what can only be described as a nuclear missile of water at Saber. Saber did more than just dodge; she used the force of the explosion to propel herself past Turtley and towards Red. Once she was in range, she sliced at him, inflicting a deep wound in his left arm. But that's not all; she even managed to hit three of his Monster Balls, thus disabling their activation mechanism. Red wasted no time in kicking her in the stomach, pushing her back out of range and making her puke on the snow. Turtley though, was behind Saber.

"Focus Blast!" Red called out. Turtley then put his forelegs together and drew them back, producing a red and orange ball of energy. He then pushed it forward at Saber, who couldn't dodge it. It was a direct hit. Saber ceased to puke out vomit, and instead began puking out blood.

"Saber!" Pinochle and Rummy called out. For Saber things were getting fuzzy. _I feel so tired. What's going on?_ Pinochle and Rummy continued to call out toward her, but Turtley neared her as well, intent on delivering the final blow.

"Turtley, Hydro Cannon!" Red yelled.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !" Rummy screamed at the top of her lungs. Then everything stopped. It was as if the world had fallen silent. But a few seconds later, the silence was broken. Turtley fell to the ground next to Saber, with a white sword with a yin-yang symbol impaled in the back of his head.

"T-that's one of Archer's swords." Rummy said to herself.

"W-what kind of Code Cast is that!?" Shinji exclaimed.

Red just sighed. "I suppose it can't be helped." He then returned Turtley to his Monster Ball. "You did well Turtley." Saber had begun to stand while all of this was happening. She readied herself for Red's next move. "Go, Saur!" Red had unleashed his Venusaur. "Use Leaf Storm!" As the name would suggest, a storm of leaves was fired at Saber. Pinochle quickly used his healing Code Cast on her and she barely dodged and began to charge at the Venusaur.

"Frenzy Plant!" Red told Saur. Saur then produced giant vines, made even more powerful from his Held Miracle Seed, which violently grew towards Saber. Saber slashed apart the vines as she ran towards the Venusaur. It was a match to see who was stronger, the Venusaur and his vines, or Saber and her blade. Saber neared the end of the vines and swung, beheading the Venusaur. She had proven to be the stronger one.

"Return Saur." Red called out while recalling the Pokémon. "Well, you've left me with only one option." He then began to take out his last Monster Ball. It was different than the others. It was purple with a white M on it. Pinochle wondered how they didn't notice it before. "You probably didn't notice it because I used my **Noble Phantasm Alter: Hypnosis** to make it look like the rest of my Monster Balls. But I digress, it' time for my last stand." Red held the Ball out toward Saber and began to speak.

"Powerful being of unnatural creation, I behest thee for thine aid! With thine assistance, our enemies shall be destroyed! Now, I summon thee! **Noble Phantasm Final: Master Ball!**" Out of the ball came a purple being as tall as a human. Pinochle and Rummy knew instantly who he was. Mewtwo.

"Mewtwo, use Sacred Sword!" It was then that Saber noticed that Mewtwo was holding a giant spoon. Mewtwo charged at her with the spoon, and at the last moment, it transformed into a sword. Saber was able to block it, and the two began sword fighting. Up, down, sides, no matter how she struck Mewtwo would always block it with his Held Twisted Spoon. "In case you were wondering" Red began. "The Twisted Spoon can take on the shape of any weapon, as well as increase the holder's psychic abilities."

Saber growled and began thrusting her sword at Mewtwo's heart. Mewtwo parried, leaving Saber open to attack.

"Use Psycho Cut!" Mewtwo's sword charged with psychic energy. He then swung his sword, launching a beam of energy at Saber. She took the hit, but used the opening from after his attack to land a blow on his right leg. Mewtwo staggered backwards, and began charging his psychic powers once again. He launched an array of psychic blasts at Saber that she deftly avoided. It was getting to the point where Red was running out of energy though. If the battle didn't end soon, he would lose. _This is going to be a gamble, but if I don't take this chance then it's over._

Red looked at Mewtwo who looked back. The two exchanged a glance. It was all they needed to understand each other during the heat of battle. Mewtwo changed his sword back into the Twisted Spoon and began gathering energy on the end of the Spoon. Saber realized that this could be her chance and charged at Mewtwo. Mewtwo's eyes turned blue and he raised the Twisted Spoon as Saber drew near.

"**Psychostriiiiiiiiiiiiiike!**" Red screamed. Mewtwo then hit Saber's left side with the end of the Twisted Spoon. Her sword flew from her hand and she hit the ground hard. There was no doubt that her ribs had been ground to dust by the impact.

"Hah!" Shinji exclaimed while Rummy and Pinochle stared in his direction in shock. "Psychostrike is a Special Attack from the force of Mewtwo's mind that inflicts Physical damage. Basically, he just ignored the Saber Class's magic defenses and hit you with all his power! Muahahahahaha! Now finish them Red."

But Red could not finish them. Shinji now realized the most important thing he would ever realize in his life. Rummy and Pinochle weren't staring at him, they were staring at Red. More specifically, they were staring at Saber's blade which had run through Red's heart.

"If I couldn't beat your familiar, I thought it would be easier to go after you." Saber said motionless on the ground. Red just laughed.

"It appears that that was the right course of action Ms. Saber." The fight was over. Shinji had lost, and Rummy and Pinochle had won.

* * *

(Background Music: Emotion from Pokémon Black/White)

* * *

A barrier appeared separating the two teams. Then holes began to appear in Red and Shinji's bodies.

**Master Shinji and Servant Rider: Pokémon Master Red, you have failed to defeat your opponents and thus have been sentenced to death. …Any last words?**

"No! You can't kill me! I'm only eight!" Shinji yelled, but the voice was tired of it.

**You are executed!**

The hole then grew, swallowing Shinji's whole body until nothing was left. He died instantly.

"Figures he'd die like a coward." Red said. "Well, it was nice knowing you all. I'm really bad at goodbyes though so, good luck I guess." The holes started to grow then, beginning the end of The Master of Nothing. But Pinochle had one more thing to say.

"When you were on Mt. Silver fighting Gold" Pinochle began, instantly getting Red's attention. "He had already beaten The Rocket Gang by that point. They tried to rise again, but after Gold beat their leader they disbanded permanently. So after you fought him, he returned to his duties as Champion. You didn't ruin his life Red, and Oak told him what had happened so he did understand the significance. But, I'm even worse at goodbyes so, good luck I guess." Red couldn't believe what he had just heard. _I've been such a fool. All this time, I was worrying about nothing. The boy, Gold, is ok. I'm so relieved to hear that. If only I could repay him for telling me this. Wait, I can!_

"Mewtwo" Red called out. He then produced a piece of paper from his pocket and tossed it to the Pokémon. Mew caught it, and Red's gloves which he threw next. "Give the gloves and letter to Mr. Pinochle, and I release you. You are free to do as you wish!" Red then turned to the three.

"I may be bad at goodbyes, but I still expect great thing from you. It was fun, but it's over now. Goodbye, my friends." The holes which had been growing on him then finished consuming his entire body. It was over.

* * *

Club We R Angelz

(Background Music: Everybody Pay The Music from the Panty & Stocking With Garterbelt OST)

* * *

Rummy hadn't lied; Angel had created her own strip club! It was in charge of holding the victory party for Rummy, Pinochle, and Saber. There was food, strippers, and even a dance floor for raving. After the battle, Mewtwo had decided to join the three, so he was here as well. _I guess I'll give Pinochle the note tomorrow._ Mewtwo thought. _He's having a great time dancing, so I won't bother him._ As he took another sip of his margarita he thought about how his life would change from here on out. But, he figured he'd think about that later, now was the time for relaxing.

Rummy was busy break dancing in her pajamas while Pinochle was doing the tango with one of the strippers. Saber was chatting with the other Servants and Angel was hanging with Rummy. Sir Blackmore and Mewtwo struck up a conversation as Leo and Flynn enjoyed the refreshments. Lastly, Rin and Rani had a chat about their expectations for the future and Kirei and Assassin showed those amateurs what real dancing looked like. But what of Konton? Well, he came by after cleaning up The Screen Room. He partied too, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. It was shaping up to be a pretty good day, despite losing a friend. Red, not Shinji. But this was a moment that, no matter who they were or how they acted, every Master and Servant could enjoy.

**Rider Saga End**

****(Ending Music: Hare Tokidoki Egao by Hitomi Harada)

* * *

**Author Note: Hey guys! It's me Mastersword! I just want to briefly say that I won't be doing any omakes this chapter, I think I'm canceling the Gilgamesh one (Though I will use him for some other sort of omake), and since school's starting tomorrow for me I'll probably only be able to update once a week. Other than that, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Review if you feel like it and, as always,**

**Stay Awesome!**


	5. Chapter 4: Those Who Have Found Out

**Welcome to chapter 5 everybody! I'm actually surprised I made it this far. This chapter is going to be a little bit different than the others though. If you remember back in chapter 3 Konton had Pinochle/Rummy fight at an earlier time than they were supposed to. Therefore, they have no opponent to fight now. So this chapter is going to have an original plot! It will build off of the chapters before it, and the rest of the chapters will build off of it. Therefore, it ain't filler. Well, time to tie up some loose ends, screw around, and find out what the fudge Rummy is going to do next. Let's have Leo, since he kind of is a character even though I didn't write about him for two chapters, do the disclaimer then.**

"**But of course." Leo started. "Mastersword does not in fact own any of the songs, characters, even the world of the story. The exception of course would be if he actually did create the song, character, or world. So then, you are off to enjoy your fanfic of questionable quality.**

* * *

Club We R Angelz

"Holy flaming fucking bitching shit-eating bastardizing flying skank of a motherfucking hippopotamus piece of crap! This is not fucking good!" Angel yelled to herself. She was looking through her strip club's records and realized that there was a decline in profits. This was mostly because a great number of guys had found love at the party the other day, and thus no longer needed to go to the strip club.

"Ain't young love just the sweetest?" Konton asked Angel, only to have a glass thrown at him which he deftly dodged. "Well, someone's PM." Angel held **Backlace** up to his head, clearly pissed off and not wanting to deal with his crap.

"If you so much as finish that fucking sentence, I'll blow you unclefucking brains all over fucking wall." Angel said to him as calmly as she could, which seeing as she was pissed off wasn't really calmly at all. Konton just backed away and started to leave, not wanting to troll her anymore. He was about to leave when he threw an envelope to Angel which she caught.

"What the fuck is this supposed to be?" Angle asked him. Konton smiled, though since he was at the door Angel only saw the back of his trench coat.

"A possible solution to your financial problems." Konton informed her. "Use it if you will. But please stop PMSing; it's scaring away your customers." Konton then immediately broke into a run with Angel on his tail. But that's another story for another time.

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Triumphant Return of The Baccano Referencing Titles, AKA: Those Who Have Found Out Whose Line It Really Is Anyway, It Was Gilgamesh's**

(Opening Music: Last Train by Knotlamp)

* * *

Rummy's Private Room

"Dear Reader, I am Pokémon Master Red. If you are reading this letter, then you have somehow proven your worth to me. Therefore, in this letter I shall disclose to you information that I believe you deserve to know. First is the existence of the Noble Phantasm Alters. On the orders of a certain scientist data was collected from various Magi from around the world. Each Servant was granted an additional Noble Phantasm via this research. At the time of this project's conclusion, the scientist disappeared. I however, do not know the cause of his mysterious disappearance, nor do I know the scientist's identity. The origin of the Noble Phantasm Alters is classified as Top Secret information. It was luck that I was able to attain this information. This brings me to why I have decided to tell you about them. Everyone's memories have been manipulated so that they accept them as normal. As my last will, I wish to give you an advantage."

"Keep reading Nucks." Rummy said. "I want to know what Red wrote next."

"I must admit that I am curious as well Master. I would like to request that you continue to recite the letter post haste." Saber stated.

"Give me a second." Pinochle began. "All this reading is drying out my throat." Pinochle then reached down near his foot and retrieved his water bottle. After drinking a sufficient amount, he continued to read the last words of Red. "Alright, alright, where was I again? Oh there I was!"

"There is a backdoor system that allows one to disengage a Noble Phantasm Alter. In order to activate it, one must repeat the following words.

Open file H8L3V2. Passcode X.

I shouldn't need to write this, but don't actually say the X. The X is a place holder for the Passcode. This Passcode is the name of the Magi whose power the Noble Phantasm Alter comes from. This function has been programmed in as a Code Cast; therefore using it is not illegal. The only other thing I have to tell you is that if I entrusted you with one of my Pokémon, you may use him or her as you see fit. I trust that you will take good care of my Pokémon. I wish you luck in this Holy Grail War. Signed, Red."

The three turned to Mewtwo, who was leaning against the wall. "I believe it would be best if I functioned as a sort of second Servant." Mewtwo told them telepathically. "After all, are you not sharing one Servant between two Masters?"

"He is right Masters. It would be most advantageous if we possessed two Servants instead of just one. I say we take him up on his offer." Saber told them.

"I think so too, how about you Rummy?" Pinochle asked.

"I don't mind. The more the merrier!"

"Then it's settled." Mewtwo told them. It was at this time that Rummy and Pinochle both got messages on their Portable Terminals. Both messages were from Konton, requesting a meeting at different times. Unfortunately, Rummy's time was in five minutes. She immediately disappeared from her room, leaving Pinochle with the two Servants and one heck of a headache.

"What was that for?" Pinochle thought out loud.

* * *

Screen Room

Konton stood looking out the window, waiting for Rummy to appear. She did, and she was pissed. The walk from the school to The Battle Tower takes fifteen minutes. On top of that, the elevator had broken down. She had to run up an endless amount of stairs just to get to him. Luckily for her, she had found the end via hacking. This was only after what would easily be around five hundred floors. Needless to say, she was both very late and very angry.

"What took you so long?" Konton asked before having a glass thrown at his head which he deftly dodged again.

"Fuck you." Rummy responded. Now with greetings out of the way, it was time for them to begin their conversation. Rummy sat down behind Konton as he continued to look out the window. After she had sat herself down and caught her breath, Konton began to speak.

* * *

(Background Music: Sis Puella Magica from the Puella Magi Madoka Magica OST)

* * *

"I've called you here to tell you something important. As you have probably noticed, many of the Servants have been replaced with characters from various media franchises."

"Yeah, so? I've already figured that out, so please tell me you didn't just call me out here to state the obvious." Rummy replied.

"No, I wouldn't call you here for something as trivial as that. I wish to inform you that your knowledge of otakuism will not help you as much as you think it will."

"And why would that be?" Rummy asked.

"You know what I thought when I first saw Rider? Hey, it's Pokémon Master Red!"

Rummy then realized what Konton was hinting at. Her body began to shake. "B-but that means."

"You know? I suppose that makes it easier to explain then. Your memories, in addition to being encrypted, have a filter on them that will prevent you from seeing the obvious."

Rummy's body was full of fear. She was a very unusual girl for sure, but she definitely valued her freedom. The thought that someone could control her mind so easily scared the living crap out of her.

"W-who could do something like that?" Rummy inquired.

"I don't know right now, but I do know that it was only done to prevent easy victories. There is also another reason I called you here though."

"What would that be?" Rummy pried.

"Angel is looking for you."

Rummy once again disappeared from the room she was in, running off this time to look for Angel. Konton just continued to stare out the window.

"Things are getting interesting."

* * *

Battle Tower Garden

"There you are!" Rummy turned around to see Angel yelling in her general direction.

"Wazzap?!" Rummy returned. Angel looked at her like she was an idiot. "But seriously, what do ya' need?"

"Well" Angel began. "Business at the club has been slow, so I've decided to add some new entertainment."

"You know, you are probably the one person I'd sell my body to benefit."

"While I will keep that in mind, that won't be necessary. I meant a comedy show or something."

Rummy looked sort of puzzled. "I thought you owned a strip club."

"Yeah well, seems like a lot of people found true love at the victory party."

"So, they found love in a hopeless place?" Rummy asked. Angel started to laugh a little.

"And that's why you'll be perfect for this." Angel said with a reassuring smile.

"Ok, I need you to abduct Konton, Kirei, Pinochle, and Saber. I've got this." Rummy told her friend. And after Rummy had Angel promise that she owed her one the deal was struck.

* * *

Several Hours Later At Club We R Angelz

A crowd of people had gathered to see what this new show the club was putting on was going to be. The newly found couples had been promised that it wouldn't be erotic, so they attended as well. Attendance was the best that the club ever had.

_I just hope that this works._ Angel thought. _If this doesn't work, I'm gonna' kill that motherfucking Konton! He said that if I put on this show that people will come back. If he lied to me, I know where he motherfucking lives!_

It was time for the show to begin. The spotlight shown on the audience, and a certain teen in a trench coat was in the middle.

**Good evening everybody, and welcome to our version of ****Whose Line Is It Anyway?****!** Konton said in his God voice. At this point, the four chairs on the stage turned around, revealing the forms of Pinochle, Rummy, Saber, and Kirei in that same order left to right.

**On tonight's show: He fights Grizzly Bears with his bare hands: Pinochle Obake!**

Pinochle looked startled. He turned to Rummy and said "Why is he telling such an obvious lie?" Rummy looked back at him like she was looking at an idiot.

_This is why I don't work with amateurs. JK!_ She thought. "After this, you and Saber are coming with me and Kirei and watching some Whose Line. It will make sense then, but for now just roll with it." Rummy told Pinochle. Konton then continued with his narration.

**She goes by the nickname "That Girl Who You Can Stab With Swords All You Like And It Won't Do A Damn Thing Damnit!" : Rummy Yuurei!**

Rummy did her signature motion for everyone, thus riling up her fan base.

**Her sword is bigger than yours: Saber!**

Amidst the cheering, Saber yelled "Damn straight!" to the crowd.

**And the Mad Monk, wait never mind that's Rasputin. The Priest who just won't die, wait that's also Rasputin. The guy who shouldn't even be in this fanfic, but is anyway because of why not: Kirei Kotomine!**

Kirei gave off a slight smile; he loved this show and was ready to upstage everyone else.

**I'm your host Konton Coded; now let's get this party started!** Konton said as he walked on to the stage. It was an exact replica of the set of the American version of the show! Konton sat down at the desk, and began his rant.

**Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway," the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, if the points were a character from Dragon Ball they would be Krillin.**

After a few laughs from the audience, Konton began to explain what was going to happen.

**Well if you haven't seen the show before, first of all look it up online. But anyway, these four are going to play some improve games. After each one I'll give the points, which do not matter, to some or all of them. At the end, I'll pick a winner who gets to do something special with me. The rest of them… **

**Well let's just say they'll probably need to change after we're done with them.**

At this point Pinochle didn't know if Konton was being serious of not. _If he is actually being serious, he gets my dry-cleaning bill._

* * *

**We're gonna' start things off with a game of ****Two Line Vocabulary****. This one is for Pinochle, Rummy, and Saber. What happens is that these three are going to act out a scene, but only Pinochle can say anything he wants. Saber and Rummy, are going to be given two lines each, and that's all they can say.**

**The scene is: The three of you are ninjas who are abusing your powers to peep at the hot springs. Pinochle you can say anything you want. Rummy, you can only say "It's getting hot in here" and "Why not?". Saber, you can only say "This is wrong" and "Shut your face!". Now then let's begin.**

"Ok everybody" Pinochle began "Our vast intelligence network, seeing as they obviously have nothing better to do, has informed me that there are hot chicks in that hot spring. Also, they are most likely naked."

"It's getting hot in here." Rummy said with excitement.

"Of course it's getting hot in here, we're outside of the baths and the steam is all around us."

"This is wrong." Saber said disgusted.

"Actually I'm pretty sure I can see the steam. I think I'm right on this one. But anyway, first we need to drill a hole in the screen."

"This is wrong." Saber uttered as if stating a fact.

Pinochle looked at her with obvious stress. "Well if you have a better idea then I would LOVE to hear it."

"Shut your face!"

"I'm ignoring you now." Pinochle stated. He then turned to Rummy. "Can I get you to drill the hole then?"

"Why not?" Rummy replied with her usual cheery attitude. Pinochle turned to Saber.

"Why can't you be more like her?"

"Shut your face."

"Oh yeah, that's right, I'm ignoring you. I forgot. Anyway, how's the hole going?"

"It's getting hot in here."

"Well, I'm going to assume that means that you're seeing boobs." Pinochle stated. Saber then walked over to Rummy and looked her in the eyes.

"That's wrong."

"Why not?" Was Rummy's inquiry.

"That's wrong."

"Why not?"

"That's wrong!"

"Why not?"

"That's wrong!"

"Why not?"

"SHUT YOUR FACE!" Saber screamed.

"Hey hey hey, quiet down. We don't want those girls to hear us." Pinochle scolded them. Rummy then walked up to him and gently stroked his cheeks.

"It's getting hot in here. 3"

"Are you trying to seduce me?" Pinochle asked in shock.

"Why not?"

"Shut your face." Saber said as if she was saying omg.

"Wait what?" Pinochle began, changing the subject. "The girls are onto us! We have to get out of here!"

"This is wrong!" Saber said with fear.

"I know. We're just a bunch of ninjas trying to look at naked girls without them knowing that we're doing so. What's so wrong about that?!" Pinochle said while panicking.

"It's getting hot in here." Rummy stated in a seductive tone.

"This is not the time to get horny from one of your weird fetishes! We need to get out of here now! Follow me!"

Pinochle and Rummy started to run offstage. However, Saber just looked at them.

"Shut up."

Pinochle then came back, grabbed her wrist, and proceeded to drag her offstage.

"This is wrong! This is wrong! THIS IS WRONG!"

Konton then sounded his buzzer. The game was now over, and the three returned to their seats.

**Good job. Ok, one thousand points to Saber to make up for her getting dragged off against her will.**

"Thank you Konton." Saber told him.

**And that my friends, is how you avoid a lawsuit.**

"It's getting hot in here." Rummy said while staring off into space.

"Shut your face." Saber said jokingly.

* * *

**Ok then, next is a game called ****If You Know What I Mean****. This is for Pinochle, Rummy, and Kirei. In this game the three will act out a scene, it's a recurring theme here. However, they can only speak in euphemisms, clichés, and double entendres. Usually this is done by saying "If you know what I mean," hence the name!**

**The scene is: The three are Knights of The Round Table. That's it. Anyway, Pinochle and Rummy will start us off. Kirei will join in a bit later. Let's go!**

"This armor is too tight if you know what I mean." Rummy told Pinochle, while acting like her clothing was extreamly uncomfortable.

"I have an extra suit if you want one, if you know what I mean." Pinochle said with a sly grin.

"Is the shield sturdy if you know what I mean?"

"It's built to last if you know what I mean!" Pinochle returned. Kirei then walked on to join them.

"Sorry I'm late; I was busy polishing my sword if you know what I mean." Kirei explained.

"Is that why it's so shiny if you catch my drift?" Rummy inquired.

"Well, the gleam of the sun also helps if you know what I mean."

"That sword is nice" Pinochle began. "But my sword slew the dragon up in yonder cave if you know what I mean."

"A shoddy craftsman blames his tools if you catch my drift." Kirei replied.

"So then, do you seek the holy grail if you know what I mean?" Rummy asked them both.

"Don't ya' also want to know my name and the circumference of an air laden swallow, if you get what I'm saying?" Kirei questioned.

"It matters not Sir Knight. Just as long as your quest is true, if you know what I mean." Rummy told him.

"In that case yes. I seek the holy grail if you know what I mean."

"Me too." Pinochle started. "I want to mount the grail on my wall and look at it all night if you know what I mean."

"A-ha! Well God save the queen if you know what I mean!" Kirei stated.

"Hail to the king if you catch my drift." Pinochle returned.

"Well, I need to go make fun of some French people if you know what I mean." Kirei told them.

"And I need to pull the sword from the stone if you catch my drift." Pinochle announced.

"You to go do that." Rummy began. "I'll just go have hot lesbian sex with the Lady of the Lake."

As if on cue, Konton sounded the buzzer right there. He and the audience couldn't stop laughing.

**Ok, sixty nine points to Pinochle for his sword in the stone line. I don't care what anyone says, I'm using that.**

"Mongrel, that sword line is fucking patented." Pinochle told Konton.

"You really need more practice swinging your sword if you know what I mean." Rummy said to Pinochle.

"Maybe he wants to have a swordfight with you Rummy, if you catch my drift." Kirei mentioned.

**Ok seriously, shut up or ima' die of laughter!**

"Tch, shut your face." Saber stated.

* * *

**Moving on, our next game is for everybody. This game is called ****Scenes From A Hat****.**

Konton then took out a hat that suspiciously looked like the hat of Jack Sparrow, except for the bloodstains that is.

**Before the show, we ask the audience for all sorts of shiz. One of those things is suggestions for scenes for this game. Ima pull out a scene from this hat and if one of the performers has something to say about it they'll come on down and say it.**

**And today we're starting with: What the Pharaohs really had buried with them.**

Rummy then came down center stage. "I don't care if you are my advisor, if I don't get my Cola I will not use that pyramid!"

Rummy left the stage, and Kirei took her place. "Let's see, gold check. Sarcophagus, check. Porn, check."

Now Pinochle took the stage, whispered something into Kirei's ear, and began miming a game controller.

"It's me death. I've come to take you Pharaoh." Kirei said.

"Yeah, in a minute. I'm almost done this match on LIVE." Pinochle replied. Kirei then mimed putting wheels on the room, hooking the X-Box up to a portable generator, and wheeling the Pharaoh and his games to the land of the dead.

**Ok next one: Worst presidential campaigns ever.**

Saber then took the stage. "If elected I will solve the worldwide economic crisis, stop all wars, and switch the country to green energy. But I would like to be referred to as "The Mac Daddy."

Pinochle then went up and began his scene. "Hello. I'm Orochimaru and I'm running for election."

Rummy then got up on the stage. "So don't believe in yourselves! Believe in the president who believes in you!"

**Alright, every guy in the audience take our some pen and paper: Things you can say to your Servant but not to your girlfriend.**

Pinochle motioned for Saber to join him. She obliged, and went up to the stage. "By the power of the Command Spell, get over here and save my ass from those yakuza!"

They started to go back, but Rummy also motioned for Saber. She rolled her eyes and went back to the stage. "Alright, take off all your clothes. We've got to recharge our mana before Berserker gets here!"

Kirei then walked down. Saber just stayed onstage since she was bound to be called back down anyway. "Alright, are you a legitimate woman or are you a genderbend?"

**Last one for now: To-Do Lists of Grail War contestants.**

Rummy got on the stage first. "Ok fuck this guy, check. Fuck that guy, check."

Kirei then took the stage. "Let's see, speak in intimidating voice to overcompensate for small penis, check. Act like a walking Deus Ex Machina Gary Stu, check."

Konton then went down and gave Kirei a brohug to show that there were no hard feelings. After an "aww" from the crowd, Saber was left on the stage. "Alright, give out my Servant's name to everyone I meet, check. Act like a king even while fighting to the death, check. Dye my hair blonde, check."

**And that's time! OVER NINE THOUSAND points to Kirei for still being a bro, and for his genderbend line. But minus half a point to Rummy.**

"What the frig?!" Rummy demanded.

**You were Kamina for the president one. But I said worst, not best.**

"Touché." Rummy agreed.

* * *

**Hopefully this next game of ****Quick Change**** will make it up to you. This is for everyone but Rummy, so just sit back relax and watch them make total fools of themselves. Saber and Pinochle are going to start a scene with Kirei joining in later. However, at any point I can say "change" and the last thing said or done must be changed. It's a really fun game to play with underprivileged alley cats, trust me.**

**The scene is: Saber and Gilgamesh are fighting over The Holy Grail, when Kiritsugu shows up and tells Saber to destroy it. You may fire when ready.**

"Now Saber, clearly you must understand by my extreamly violent tendencies that I truly want you to be my wife." Pinochle stated, imitating Gilgamesh.

"I would never marry the likes of you!" Saber returned.

**Change.**

"Let's get hitched."

"Wait really?" Pinochle began. "Score!"

"So then, what do you want me to do husband?"

"Just do whatever."

**Change.**

"Make me a sandwich."

**Change.**

"Let's get naked and wrestle."

**Change.**

"Go in my Gate of Babylon with my other treasures."

**Change.**

"Burn down the orphanage a few blocks over."

**Change.**

"Punch Konton in the face, 'cause I'm running out of ideas!" Pinochle yelled, stressed from how many times he had to change his lines.

"I shall!" Saber said, and before Konton could say change she ran over to his desk and punched him in the face.

"I came here when I heard the racket" Kirei stated while coming into the scene.

"How did you survive Master?" Saber questioned.

"Let's just say Kirei had a date with destiny." Kirei replied.

**Change.**

"Let's just say that he's taking the Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride."

**Change.**

"Let's just drop the innuendos and say I killed Kirei." Kirei told them.

"That's homicide!" Pinochle yelled.

**Change.**

"That's suicide!"

"What do you mean?" Kirei began. "It's not like I'm Kirei or anything. I'm clearly Kiritsugu."

"Riiiiiiiiiiight." Pinochle said sarcastically.

"So then, why are you here Master?" Saber inquired.

"Oh yes that's right. Saber, by the power of the Command Spell I order you to destroy The Holy Grail!" Kirei yelled, mimicking Kiritsugu.

**Change.**

"By the power of the Command Spell I order you to do the funky chicken."

**Change.**

"By the power of the Command Spell I order you to drop and give me twenty." Saber then dropped to the ground and did twenty push-ups.

"I meant twenty dollars." Kirei informed her.

"What do you need twenty dollars for Master?"

"I need it to pay my bar tab."

**Change.**

"I need it to buy a discount hooker."

**Change.**

"I need it to bribe Konton to end this game." This of course, instantly made Saber produce a twenty. Kirei then proceeded to Konton's desk and gave him the twenty.

**Bribe accepted, game's over. Forty Two points to Monty Python for telling us the meaning of life. Now time to announce a winner.**

* * *

**The winner is, provided she gives me the vid of the lesbian sex she had with the Lady of the Lake, Rummy Yuurei!**

"I'd just like to thank all my fans. If it weren't for them, none of this could have happened!" Rummy said while crying like she was accepting an Oscar.

**Now then Rummy is going to get to play a game with me. The rest of them have to do the Gangnam Style dance until we're finished. Starting now!**

Thus the three losers began to dance Gangnam Style. Konton grabbed a few pieces of paper and gave them to Rummy, while keeping a few for himself.

**This game is called ****Whose Line****. Rummy and I will act out a scene, but at certain points we will pull these pieces of paper out of our pockets and read the lines on them. They came from the audience before the show, so they're gonna' probably make no sense. Therefore, after saying the line we will have to justify it.**

**The scene is: A family goes camping on a mountain, but brother and sister get lost. Begin!**

Rummy then jumped to the ground and acted as if she was struggling. "There, I finally got you! No badger can escape me!"

"Hey sis, do you have any idea where we are?" Konton asked.

"Nope." Rummy said nonchalantly. "But anyway, what do you think we should do about the badger?"

"Just hide the stiff somewhere where nobody will find it."

"Hey! I didn't eat the badger's spleen yet!" Rummy furiously returned.

"Sis." Konton began. "Now is not the time to illegally nom badger spleen! We are friggin' lost!"

"Thank you captain obvious." Rummy snarked. "Actually I think that statement would promote you to general."

"Listen, I have a plan."

"This should be good." Rummy said sarcastically. "What is it?"

"Here's what we have to do. We need to ask the badger."

"The badgers around here are very wise."

"Exactly, so we take that badger you have and ask him…" Konton then pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and read it aloud. "What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning?!"

"Oni-chan." Rummy started. "That is single-handedly the best idea you've ever had!"

"I know right! You see, continents are fully surrounded by water. That means that, in a sense, continents can be called boats. Therefore, someone drunk on land can be called a drunken sailor!"

"You're so smart oni-chan!" Rummy squealed. "Hmm, wait the badger's trying to tell me something."

"You can understand it?"

"I speak fluent badger remember? Ok, it's telling me what to do with drunken sailors early in the morning. The badger says…" At this time Rummy pulled a piece of paper from her skirt pocket (They have them 'cause she got Wade to sew them in, but that's another story.) and read it aloud. "If you grind up a leopard's femur it acts as an aphrodisiac."

Konton gave the badger a shocked look. "I guess it means that the leopard femur will get them so horny that it will sober them up."

"Exactly!" Rummy exclaimed.

"Ok this knowledge is great and all, but we won't be able to use it if we don't escape the forest."

"I thought we were on a mountain."

"Whatever!" Konton announced, obviously stressed.

"We could still use the knowledge here." Rummy informed him.

"How so?"

"Well, I could get drunk. Then you could use the aphrodisiac to cure my drunkenness!" Rummy stated while doing her signature motion.

"But then you'd still be horny. It would just replace one problem with another."

"Well then, I could just fuck you and I'd be fully cured!"

"And on that awkward as fuck note, we need to do something to get out of here. It's time to take action!" Konton said, changing the subject to something less incestuous.

"And what will this action be?"

"This is gonna' blow your mind. My new plan is…" Konton then reached into his pocket, did you know what, and read the paper out loud. "Follow the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road."

"Seriously?" Rummy asked Konton with a skeptical look in her eyes.

"Yeah, seriously. It is our best option."

"Ok then, but only if we can say what we've always wanted to." Rummy demanded

"Wait, what do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb!" Rummy began. "I've read your diary! I know how you really feel!" Runny reached into her pocket and held a line. She then showed it to Konton. "Let's go."

"Alright then sis!" Konton said as they began to skip down the road. They then joined hands and said in unison…

"CARDGAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!"

With that the game was over. The losers stopped dancing Gangnam Style and everyone took their bows. The show had done wonders for the club, and it was now no longer in economic peril. All in all, it was a good day for everyone.

* * *

(Ending Theme: Style by Nishino Kana)

* * *

**Author Note:**

'**Sup dawgz. I have a few announcements to make, one of which is important enough to cancel your regularly scheduled Author Room. First, I obviously wasn't able to update in a week like I said I would. This isn't because I don't care, I really do care! It's because school is eating all of my time. I will update as frequently as I can, but please don't hold me to speed standards that I cannot achieve. At least I update more than Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged! (Even though I'm not as good) Next I'd like to announce that as part of one of the classes I am taking I get to teach elementary school kids. At the risk of sounding unmanly they are sooooooooo kawaii-desu! 3 But, this is really another reason why my updating might not be as fast as you want it. Hopefully I'll have more time next year (if this fic continues until then). Now then, I have one good announcement to share with the readers that aren't sharpening their pitchforks for the angry mob against me. I have decided to write a new fanfic like this one. I assume many of you are familiar with Soul Eater, seeing as how Assassin in TIM's new fic is Black Star. Well, I'm going to take various characters and oc's from stories I've created in the past (Don't look at them! I wrote them when I was awful at writing, I mean more so than I am now!) and insert them into the story of Soul Eater. It will also be a way for me to use story ideas that I either decided not to use in the end, and ideas for stories I haven't even made! Therefore, expect it to have an original plot, while still existing in the Soul Eater world. I plan to have this fic take place at the same time as the regular series does. The main characters of the actual series will still go on their adventures, with a few modifications here and there, and the main characters of the fic will have their own adventures. For this fic, I'm going to write the three prologue chapters and post them all at once. That way, You won't be subjected to endless flashbacks. Don't worry about this taking even more time away from this fic though, Fate:EXTRA Insanity is still my top priority fanfic. The Soul Eater one is just something on the side to say I love you guys, and for me to get better at writing and use Ideas that I want to. One last thing, Rummy and Pinochle will be one of the teams. So everyone, look forward to the Fanfiction Dot Net premier of "Soul Eater AIN'T"! (Another Idiotic New Tale)**

**And as always,**

**Stay Awesome!**


	6. Chapter 5: Takes a Sudden Turn

**I HAVE RETURNED! Ok, now that I've got that out of my system, I'm ready to start with Chapter 6 of Fate:EXTRA Insanity.**

"**Do you really think that that's all you have to do?"**

**Oh hey Rummy, it's great to see you again… Wait, what's with the knife?**

"**You abandoned us, your characters, for a whole fucking month and you think that you can just waltz in here like nothing happened?"**

**To be fair, I do have an excuse Rummy.**

"**Well, out with it! How the fuck could you possibly justify this shit?!"**

**Well, I was in my school play. That took three weeks and left me no time to do shit. Then Black and White 2 came out, so I had to play those. Oh, and I've had a lot of work for my PFE (Professional Field Experience) class. For that one, I have to teach elementary school kids.**

**Rummy sighed. "Please don't tell me that that's all. Or else you're going to die." She then did her best Alucard smile. "And everyone will remember you as someone just as bad as Shinji."**

**Well, next time don't cut me off. How did you get so much power anyway?**

"**Fuck you, that's how."**

**Ok, if you would stop quoting Hellsing Abridged for a minute, I would tell you that I've also been having a hard time deciding what direction to take this fic in. Having the whole thing set up like it was in the game, with the same thing each week over and over and over again, would make this fic more repetitive than the first Assassin's Creed game!**

"**But then you probably would have updated more if you didn't have to make these changes right?"**

**Yes but then you'd have to kill Angel.**

"… **Fine, you win this round. But I will be back." And with that Rummy disappeared.**

**Well now that that's over, I really am sorry about this shit. But I really have done work on some ideas that I have for this fic. I literally have a book with a bunch of Servant profiles written up and ready for use. But now that things have calmed down, and that I've figured out the general direction that I want to take this fic in, I believe everything should move along smoothly.**

**Since Rummy kind of hates me, I'll do the disclaimer. I**** do not own any of the songs, characters, even the world that this story takes place in. The exception is of course if I actually did create the song, character, or world. Well then, now that that's out of the way, enjoy your fanfic of questionable quality!**

* * *

?

The pod opened and the form inside it ran to the super computer's room. "Damn it, why did this have to happen now! I was so close to winning!"

In five minutes he reached the room, though he was noticeably more out of breath than he would have been had he simply just walked there. He tried to enter the room, but the automatic door wouldn't allow his entry. Frustrated, he kicked the door as hard as he could. This produced the expected result, and after two minutes of nursing his injury he was ready to try another approach.

Ten minutes later, he dropped down inside the room from an air duct. "And now I feel like James Bond." The form announced to himself whilst rolling his eyes. He then ran to the computer, put in swordfish for the password, and had his worst fears confirmed.

"Damn it! This shouldn't be possible! The Grail is a frigging program this time around, why the bloody fuck would this even happen!" The form was freaking out now. He only had one option left, and he really didn't want to take it. But he had no choice. The form began imputing new commands into the super computer. He then inserted a flash drive into it.

"This will only work for me, but I'll be able to stop it myself." He told himself, trying to reassure himself that everything would be ok. In truth, he had no idea what was going to happen. This was a huge gamble he was taking, and if he failed everyone would die. Naturally he was included in everyone, but he couldn't care less about that. If _they_ died however, things would get both problematic and complicated.

After everything was ready, he executed the programs. This time however, the door actually opened for him. And so he ran back to his pod. After getting into it, he only had one thought in his head.

_For the love of god, please let this work!_

And with that the form drifted to sleep, thus reentering the virtual world.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Takes a Sudden Turn**

(Opening Music: Complication by ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D)

* * *

The Battle Tower

"Mewtwo, use Psycho Cut!" Rummy ordered. Her new Servant obliged and swung his Twisted Spoon, now in the shape of a sword, at Saber. Saber blocked this, and took a swing of her own at Mewtwo. Another block was made. They then decided to step things up, clashing their swords so fast that they seemed to be blurs of color.

"Alright Mewtwo, fall back and use Psycho Cut!" His Master told him. And so, he jumped back and fired a sword beam at Saber. Saber dodged it by leaping directly up. She then jumped right at Mewtwo and landed a strike to his chest. Mewtwo fell to the ground while Saber landed on her feet.

"So Rummy, think that's enough?" Pinochle asked her. He was getting a little agitated, and his voice slightly reflected that.

"Well fine. I guess we've done enough training for now." Rummy replied. "Mewtwo, use Recover." Various orange orbs appeared around him. These same orbs were then absorbed into Mewtwo's body. He sparkled a little then he jumped up, completely unharmed.

"Master." Mewtwo began. "I can still continue fighting if you wish it."

"Nah, it's cool yo." Rummy informed him. "Besides, it's almost time for Angel's match!" Mewtwo nodded, and so the four went up to the Screen Room to see their friend fight.

* * *

Screen Room

After hacking their way up to the room, the two teams split up to prepare the room for watching Angel's fight. Pinochle went to save their seats, Saber went to get food and drinks, Rummy started dancing for some reason, and Mewtwo put his psychic powers to good use by powering up the big screen. After all of these important tasks, save for Rummy's dancing, were completed they all sat down and began watching the match.

* * *

Coliseum

Sir Dan Blackmore and his Servant were currently riding down the elevator with their opponents. Their opponents appeared to be a teenage boy and a young girl. The girl was dressed in expensive clothing, giving off an air of superiority. Her eyes were a deep emerald green, and her long blond hair was tied into two long pigtails. She was also pretty short, but Sir Blackmore got the feeling that someone would die if he pointed that out.

The boy on the other hand gave off an air of poverty and misfortune. He wore an expensive looking butler suit, but it was obvious that the girl had provided it for him. His hair was light blue and his eyes were a slightly deeper shade of blue. He was also surprisingly beautiful. Together, the two looked like an older brother and younger sister. But this was clearly not the case. This was The Holy Grail War. No matter who they were, they still had to fight to the death like the rest of them. It was sad that one so young had to perish, but those were the rules.

"Hey boy, are you ready for this?" Angel questioned. "When I'm done with you, there won't be a fucking thing left."

The boy smiled and nodded. "I believe that I have prepared myself enough Archer. I certainly hope that you've done the same."

"Huh?" Angel responded. She didn't expect that for a reply. _Well, I guess he is in a butler outfit. How lame, I won't even have a chance to bang this good looking guy. This sucks and blows._ "Whatever! You sure seem confident. Any particular reason why?"

"Well of course! You see, I am defending my Ojou-Sama. And for that…" The air around him then shifted to that of a killer. "I won't hesitate to kill you."

Angel wasn't sure whether to be shocked, scared, both, or some other fourth option. Thankfully for her, they had reached The Arena. This time it took the form of an elaborate mansion. The kind that only super rich people ever get to see, and that unbelievably rich people ever get to own!

"Mmm, feels just like home doesn't it Archer?" The girl asked her Servant.

"Yes it does Nagi Ojou-Sama. Why, it's an exact replica of your estate!" This shocked the girl a little. She then looked around rapidly and came to the same conclusion.

"Holy cheddar cheese you're right! Why didn't I realize?!"

"It's not that you didn't realize Ojou-Sama, I just spend a lot more time cleaning the estate than you. So of course I know the whole place by heart." The girl then looked at her Servant with a sweat drop on the side of her head.

"You really are amazing."

Sir Blackmore however, had realized something based on their conversation. "Wait; am I to understand that you two were acquainted with each other before you entered The Holy Grail War?" This got their attention.

"Why yes, yes we were." The girl informed them. "But that's another story for another time. After all, we're supposed to be fighting."

"She's right." Angel said while removing her panties. "Let's just get to the action. We're gonna' have to do it sooner or later, so let's do it!" This solidified Sir Blackmore's resolve. However, Nagi and Archer were a little distracted.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-why did you just take off your panties?" Nagi asked with a face a red as Mars.

"Oh that's right, I keep forgetting that people around here aren't used to me with my panties off." Angel said to herself. She then addressed Nagi. "In short, they're my Noble Phantasm."

This however, caused Nagi to blush even more. _How can she be so indecent?_ She immediately hid behind her Servant, tightly gripping his arm. "Hayate, get rid of this floozy!"

Hayate sighed. "At your command Ojou-Sama."

* * *

(Battle Music: Mass Destruction from the Persona 3 OST)

* * *

Angel wasted no time it transforming her panties into Backlace. She pulled the trigger and fired three shots at Archer. All of which missed. This was because Hayate was now directly behind Angel. Angel turned around and curved a shot at him. This time however, it wasn't a normal shot.

The bullet connected with Hayate's shoulder. _Well, it's basically over now._ Angel thought to herself. "You might as well give up now."

"And why would that be Angel?" Hayate questioned. "You see, I have suffered far worse wounds. A gunshot like this is almost nothing to me." He said with a smile. After Angel did a double take, and Hayate noticed that Backlace's shape had changed, she resumed her explanation.

"Well, I just shot your ass with my **Noble Phantasm Alter: Origin Shot.** To put it in a way that you can understand, I've just sealed all of your Noble Phantasms!" Angel announced with a triumphant grin. Hayate however, still didn't seem fazed.

"I agree." Hayate complied. "A Servant's most powerful assets are their Noble Phantasms. So by sealing them any normal Servant would be forced to surrender."

"Ok, so this is the part where you tell me why you aren't a normal Servant right?" Angel questioned. It seemed that Rummy was rubbing off on her. "So then, why not share it with the fucking class. What's your fucking excuse Archer?" It was clear how irritated she was.

"Eh?" Hayate questioned. He honestly had not expected that sort of response. It really wasn't logical. I mean, it wasn't as if he was in some sort of anime, or a fanfiction based off of it. (Don't tell him, he'll crack) "Well, I guess if you're asking for my excuse it's because…"

He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence.

* * *

**By the name of the world I call forth your power.**

"Konton, we're in the middle of a fight! Practice sounding badass some other time!" Nagi yelled out to the voice. It however didn't stop.

**A power to the past, to the future, and to the present.**

At this point both parties had disengaged and began to wonder the same thing. What the fuck was Konton doing?

**I access the absolute database and invoke the power that destroyed their bonds and ended their lives.**

Everyone in the virtual world could hear this. But nobody had a clue why Konton was doing it. While he was prone to blasting Metallica over the speakers, much to the dismay of everyone's eardrums, he had never done something like this before.

Then Rummy made an observation.

"Wait, that sounds like an activation key for a"

**And now I delete the consistencies and replace them with disorder!**

**NOBLE PHANTASM: Code Drifting Classroom!**

"Noble Phantasm."

* * *

(Background Music: Navras by Juno Reactor)

* * *

Widespread panic is a very interesting thing. Isn't it interesting how something as reinforced as the status quo can be obliterated by something as small as a bunch of people screaming? Soon more people start screaming, then more, then more. Yes, soon you have an entire population screaming their heads off. But then screaming isn't enough. Things always escalate quickly within widespread panic. People will be breaking into stores, stealing property. People will be beating up anyone that they come across for no reason over than their own fear. People will kill, rape, and decimate all of the women and children that they can get their hands on. And this was all caused by a few people screaming.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ON YOUR HAND?!"

In this case though, it was caused by holes appearing on everyone in the virtual world. They were the same shade and style of the ones that had ended the lives of Shinji and red just a few days before. The similarities did little to console them.

The holes began to grow, increasing the chaos even more. However not all were affected by this madness. Certain people possessing cool heads, such as Sir Blackmore and Pinochle, were thinking something else entirely.

_Why would Konton do something like this?_

_There's no way he would do this for kicks._

_There has to be a reason!_

There was indeed a reason. Unfortunately for them, they lacked the time to discover it. Five minutes. It only took five minutes for the holes to devour them all. Maybe it was in fact, best that they didn't know why he had done it.

* * *

Admin's Room

"Wait a minute; did you just murder all of the characters in the story?" Kirei questioned. Konton sighed.

"No, I didn't murder everyone Kirei."

"Then why did you do it?"

"I had no choice!" Konton yelled.

"Actually I'm pretty sure that you did. Just like how I decided to steal your poptarts from the freezer."

Konton looked at him with realization. "So you were the one that took them. You freaking prick!"

"Anyway, we should probably get back to the plot now. After all, if you don't come up with a satisfying answer for doing all of this then you're probably going to be hated by all of the readers."

"I don't know what you mean by readers Kirei, but I'll tell you why I did it. However, you'll need to step out of the pod." Konton told him. It was true that the admins could leave their pods at any time and return to the game, but why would that be necessary?

"Yeah, just like Mastersword said, why is that necessary?"

"Because it can hear us."

"Excuse me?"

"We've wasted too much time already, are you coming or not?" Konton asked.

"Fine." Kirei answered. Their forms then disappeared from the room. Kirei would soon know the answer he sought.

* * *

Emiya Residence

_Ouch._ Rummy thought to herself. _What the heck is wrong with my head? Wait a minute, how am I alive?_ She opened her eyes to find herself in a certain shed in the back of a certain house.

"Wait, how come people go to Shirou's house when they die?!" Rummy shouted. Seeing as it was the first thing that came to her mind, it wasn't really well thought out. Clutching her head, she slowly stood up and walked out of the shed. Once in the yard, she saw that she was indeed at Shirou's house. Upon closer inspection however, she saw that there were a great number of doors scattered throughout the yard. They were all standing upright, with frames and hinges attached to them as well. The similarities ended there however, as they came in all different shapes and sizes. Rummy got the feeling that all of these doors were still functioning. A feeling that if she opened one, it would lead somewhere.

"Since when was Shirou part of Monsters Inc.?" She asked herself. She then heard footsteps headed in her general direction. Rummy didn't have Mewtwo with her right now, so if it was an enemy she knew that she would be royally screwed.

Rummy did what she considered to be the stealthiest action possible. She hid under a cardboard box. _Hah hah hah! Now nobody shall find me!_ She thought to herself. This illusion of victory lasted approximately one and a half seconds. After which, the box was lifted off of her body.

"Eep!" She squealed, preparing herself for the worst. However, she then realized that she recognized the figure.

"Hey, you're that girl who was fighting Angel!" Rummy said.

"Yeah I know that." Nagi informed her.

"So, do you have a freaking idea of what's going on?"

"Not really, but we do know a few things."

"Wait, who is this we?" Rummy asked the girl. Nagi sighed, and then began to explain herself.

"Leo and his Servant are here too."

"Oh. Well do you have your Servant? I can't seem to find mine." Rummy then saw Nagi grit her teeth as if holding back unimaginable rage.

"No. Hayate isn't here." She said with anger in her voice. This must have been a touchy subject for her. "At any rate, we should probably go to the dining room. It'll be easier to talk there."

"Ok, sounds good." Rummy replied. The two left for the dining room, and while they were traveling, countless thoughts plagued Rummy's mind. Why am I in Fuyuki City? Why are these people helping me? Are my friends ok?

Why is this girl trying to hide her tears?

* * *

Shirou's Dining Room

Once at the dining room, the two were greeted by Leo's bright visage and the sight of his Servant making something for them to eat. "Welcome fair lady. I'm so glad that you are safe." Leo told Rummy with a smile.

"Thanks broseph! I'm glad that I'm safe too!" Rummy replied, joining Leo at the table. This tipped off Nagi and Leo's Servant that those two were on completely different levels of etiquette. "So then, mind telling me what's going on?"

"But of course. After all, we need to stand together during times like these." Leo then clapped his hands, and his Servant put several freshly cooked soufflés on the table. "Thank you Flynn. Now then everyone, please help yourselves."

It took three seconds for them all to grab forks. It then took two seconds to grab the soufflés from the center of the table. Two seconds then went to bring the first bite up to the mouth. But it only took one second for Nagi and Rummy to spit it out.

"What's the big idea?! Are you trying to poison us?!" Nagi screamed at Flynn.

"I assure you Lady Nagi that I would never dream of doing such a thing." Flynn said in a panic.

"Ya' know what, if you want something done right you've gotta' do it yourself! I'll make us something to eat!" Nagi screamed. And so she went to the kitchen to cook up some food. She made steak for all of them. It was met with similar results.

"Ugh Leo, you wouldn't happen to be o good cook would you?" Rummy asked, forcing her words through the bad taste in her mouth.

"I'm afraid not. I usually had my servants cook for me before I entered The Holy Grail War. After I got in, Flynn cooked for me." Leo then leaned into Rummy and whispered the next part to him. "But having Flynn cook for you is like playing Russian roulette. So I love it when I can get other people to cook instead." Rummy laughed in agreement, she too thought that his Servant's cooking was comparable to walking through a minefield.

"Well I guess it can't be helped then can it?" Rummy asked out loud. This confused everyone. What did she mean? It was only clear when she entered the kitchen and tied an apron on herself what she had meant. "I'll try and whip something up for us, so just sit tight ok."

And so Rummy spent about five or ten minutes in the kitchen. When she came back, she held a tray full of sandwiches. These were received way better than the previous dishes.

"It's simple I must admit, but they still taste amazing! Tell me, how did you get to be so good at this Rummy?" Leo asked her.

"Well I went to a normal High School. They teach you stuff like this there. That and I didn't do something complicated because that would give me more chances to screw it up." Rummy told him while doing her signature motion. Leo smiled, but Nagi and Flynn didn't know whether or not to feel insulted. "So anyway, about what you know." Rummy said, trying to get back to the point before she ingested an unhealthy amount of toxic waste.

"Oh yes." Leo began. "As I'm sure you've realized, it appears that we have been transported to a replica of Fuyuki City."

"In case you didn't know." Nagi toned in. "That's where the previous Holy Grail Wars took place."

"Oh I knew." Rummy informed her. "So is that all that you know Leo?"

"There is still more to tell." Leo replied. "One of the main differences between this place and Fuyuki City are the strange doors appearing everywhere."

"Yeah, I was wondering about those. Do you know what's up with them?" Rummy asked.

"Yes, yes we do." Leo stated. "After opening a few, we discovered that they lead to many different worlds. But one of the doors we opened lead to the world that my Servant Flynn originally came from. This lead us to develop a theory, we believe that the doors lead to the worlds that our Servants come from. If that is the case, then there should be nine hundred and ninety nine doors, one for each of the participants who summoned a Servant."

"But didn't that number drop to one hundred and twenty eight pretty quickly?" Rummy asked. "I thought the number was just a glitch."

Leo shook his head. "We currently don't know the exact number of doors, but we estimate that it is around nine hundred and ninety nine. You do bring up an interesting point though. I wonder how I missed something like that."

"Well, putting that aside for now, shouldn't we just be able to go check the number of doors? I mean sure, it'll take a while but why not?" Rummy inquired.

Leo sighed. "We can't."

"Hm, why not?" She asked again.

"You see, it appears that there is an invisible miasma covering the city." Leo informed her.

"… Wait what?"

"Like I just said, there is an invisible miasma covering the city. It isn't strong enough to affect you if you're just going somewhere and then coming back, and it barely even fazes Servants." Leo took a deep breath before continuing. "The problem is if you're in it for too long. Apparently, prolonged exposure to it can cause hallucinations."

"How is that even possible?" Rummy wondered out loud.

"Unfortunately it gets worse." Leo continued. "Eventually, the miasma causes complete insanity. And if you're in it for even longer, you disappear."

"Disappear?" Rummy asked. "To where?"

"We don't know that yet." Leo told her. "And we only knew about the hallucinations because Nagi began having them. Rummy turned to Nagi, who was looking at the ground. She seemed depressed. _Were the hallucinations that bad?_

"They were." Nagi told Rummy. She hadn't realized that she actually voiced her thought. "I was looking for my Servant Hayate in the woods. After a while, I felt a strange presence around me. I turned around, but nobody was there. The feeling stopped for a little while, so I continued looking. A little bit later though I felt it again, but this time it was stronger. I turned around again, and I saw nothing. But this time, when I turned back, I saw a faint figure in the distance. I don't remember everything about it, but I do remember that he was really tall and unnaturally thin. It looked like he might have been wearing a suit, but I'm not sure. What I do remember though, is that it didn't have a face." Nagi began to shake and tears started forming in her eyes. "Then all I can remember is the fear. After seeing him I felt so afraid, more than I'd ever been before. I started running, but whenever I looked back he was there, just standing there. But every time he got closer without even moving! I ran and ran for my life, but it was too much! I couldn't escape him! And then this symbol started popping up everywhere. I can't remember what it looked like, but I do know that it was horrifying." Nagi was now crying with horrified eyes and her hands on her head. She was shaking like a tree in a hurricane! "Eventually I got away from the woods, but he was still chasing me! I must have screamed so loud that the entire city heard me! But then, it looked like he grew tentacles from his back! Horrible evil tentacles that shot at me like bullets! I screamed louder than I ever had before!" Nagi then burst out crying. There was no way she would be able to continue her story. Rummy gave her a hug and tried to reassure her.

"Don't worry Nagi, you're safe now. I'll keep you safe."

"Th-thank you R-Rummy nee-chan!" Nagi screamed as she dived deeper into her embrace.

"Luckily, we were in the area at the time and were able to bring her back here and calm her down without much difficulty. Additionally, it appeared that the hallucination made her forget about her Command Spells. Had she remembered, she could have summoned her Servant and fought the strange being." Flynn stated. "She most likely would have won too, seeing as how only Servants can harm other Servants. After all, it seems that that thing was only an illusion."

"I couldn't use a Command Spell like that even if I wanted to!" Nagi retorted.

"Why not?" Flynn questioned. "Transporting one's Servant to their side is a common use for Command Spells."

"It's just that… well…" Nagi began to blush. "Hayate promised that he'd always protect me. So using a Command Spell to bring him to my side is like saying that I don't trust him."

"I see. In that case please accept my apologies, I didn't mean to pry." Flynn responded.

"It's ok. I forgive you." Nagi told him.

"Anyway" Leo began. "We estimated that Nagi was out in the miasma for a length of time from one and a half to two hours before she began to experience the hallucinations. Exposure to the miasma for any time within that timeframe is dangerous. That's why we couldn't go out to check the number of doors."

"Then how is it that we aren't affected here?" Rummy asked, while still consoling Nagi.

"For some reason, any place such as a residence, a shop, or any place at all that is enclosed or isn't public repels the miasma. In other words, this house is a safe haven." Leo answered.

"I see. Thank you for telling me this Leo." Rummy told the boy.

"The pleasure was all mine. But anyway, what are you going to do now Rummy?"

"Whatchu' talkin' 'bout Leo?" She inquired.

"It appears that The Holy Grail War is over, considering how that traitor Konton did this to us. So what do you want to do next?"

Rummy had to think for a moment. "I guess I want to find my friends. Oh, and my Servant. Unlike you guys, I don't even have the option of recovering him with Command Spells. After all, Pinochle always had the Command Spells, not me."

"Do you have any plans for after that then?" Flynn wondered.

"I guess that I'd like to find out what's causing this miasma and stop it. Think you could help me with that?"

"I believe that would make it easier for everyone." Leo stated with a smile. "Now then, it appears that is already night time. Would you mind sharing your room with Rummy Nagi?"

"Nope." Nagi said, having calmed down mostly. "Follow me, it's this way." So Rummy left with Nagi for a good night's rest. They didn't have any pajamas to change into, so they slept in their clothes. Until Rummy got too irritated by them and decided to sleep naked. That night they would dream of things that could happen in the future. And so, the two girls drifted off to their well deserved sleep.

* * *

In the Woods

"SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME!" Screamed the man as he ran through the forest. **Too slow.** Schlick the sound went, as the tentacles impaled him. Death was instantaneous. That man never even stood a chance. After all, he had been separated from his Servant by Konton's transportation. This is the fate that would have befallen Nagi, had Leo not arrived in time to save her.

The tall slender being withdrew its' tentacles from the corpse. Blood rushed out of the body, staining the forest floor. The being then began to disappear from view, as if it was never there.

"It seems like that one was another disappointment." Came another voice. The being had once again made itself visible in response to this newcomer. "We need to find some suitable proxies now don't we?" Questioned the newcomer. The monster however, did not reply. Though, the newcomer knew that he wouldn't.

"It's alright; I can see everything through your eyes. Er, well, your lack of eyes. But the point is that we need to collect one of each of the seven servants. Then it will be easier to infect everything." The newcomer then walked up to the faceless man. The faceless one was much taller than the one with a face. But this didn't matter. To them, there was little that mattered.

"Just try to stop killing everyone ok. After all, the more the merrier right?"

* * *

(Ending Music: Dear You from the Higurashi no Naku Koro ni soundtrack Thanks/you)


	7. Chapter 6: Our New Life

**Wazzap Dawgz?! Welcome to chapter number seven! To be honest, I'm glad to be able to write this story for you guys. Heck, it even gave me a bunch of ideas for some new fanfics! But, I won't just sit here and talk about all of those ideas. After all, you guys are here for a reason. So then, Nagi read the disclaimer!**

"**Whatever." Nagi began. "Mastersword doesn't own any of the songs, characters, or the world that this story takes place in. Unless of course if he made it up himself. Now then, let's get back to the plot so enjoy your fanfic of questionable quality."**

* * *

In the Woods

Thunk. The sound of the girl landing on the ground. Not on her ass though, but on her feet. She began to walk around, exploring the forest.

"Honestly, why can't Master do this herself?! It's super boring!" The girl complained. In the moonlight her white hair and red eyes were revealed. Her white bodysuit with various red markings were also easy to see, though the suit did not cover her heels and toes. The only other features one could make out were her large and wide white neck warmer and also her big brown mittens.

The white haired girl continued to look around the forest for quite some time. Despite her grumbling, she was able to get a good idea of how to traverse the forest. If she was ever to fight here, she would have a decisive advantage.

But all good things must come to an end; none know that better than the dead men. And while she wasn't dead, she had once been called such. So when she heard footsteps coming closer, she knew what was coming.

"Hey mister, who are you?!" The girl asked the man, his form uncompromised by the darkness.

"Just a person who wants to see this world scream my dear." The man said. He then snapped his fingers and the suited monster appeared. "Now, why don't you let me here you scream?"

The monster summoned its' tentacles and pierced her body. Letting it fall to the ground like so many others. Another corpse added to the pile. But, fate had not abandoned the girl just yet. The man watched as the wounds in the girl healed within seconds.

"Impossible, those should have killed you! You're a Servant aren't you?!" The man screamed. The girl just gave a twisted smile and began to laugh.

"That's right. I'm the Servant Berserker. By the way, I thought you were going to make me scream. Why is it the other way around?"

The man began to laugh as well. This in turn made the girl laugh more. It was a truly distorted sight to behold. Killers and victim laughing together.

"Well then, how about joining my little group of friends? You seem to be powerful enough, and you're more than willing to embrace insanity." The man proclaimed, his eyes and slasher smile now shining through the darkness.

"Depends on what you and your 'friends' want? Why do you want the grail?"

The man began to laugh harder than before. After a minute he calmed down and answered the girl. "We don't really care about the grail; we have our own goals to fulfill."

"Well that's too bad for you then." The girl said while cracking her knuckles. "Because I have my own goals too!"

Elsewhere tremors could be felt throughout the city. Some woke up and panicked, some refused to wake up and stayed asleep instead, but one girl knew exactly what had happened.

"Ugh Berserker, why must you make things so difficult?"

* * *

**Chapter 6: Our New Life**

(Opening Music: Summer Freak by FLOW)

* * *

Emiya Residence

Nagi woke up holding tightly to Rummy. She had heard the noise in her sleep and had gotten scared. So she had latched onto the closest thing available, Rummy's body. As Nagi woke up however, she noticed how Rummy's pajamas felt like skin. She got up out of bed and put on a change of clothes that she had acquired earlier from one of the stores. In other words she broke into it. Now that Nagi was fully awake, she realized what Rummy 's pajamas really were. She blushed furiously and ran out of the room, trying to convince herself that she had not been violated.

An hour or so later, Rummy woke up. She got up out of bed and put on her shirt and skirt. She couldn't find any underwear, so she began to ponder why people wore underwear in the first place. After deciding that she was better off not wearing it on that day, she left the room.

* * *

Shirou's Dining Room

After preparing breakfast for the group, Rummy sat down with the rest of them to eat. It was a simple western breakfast of French toast, bacon and orange juice, but it was a good one none the less.

"So what are your plans for the day Leo?" Nagi asked the boy. He smiled, which irritated her, and then answered the girl.

"Well, I believe that we should try and find some of Rummy's companions. After all, they may help us discover what the cause of this miasma is. They may even help us put a stop to it. Any complaints Ms. Sanzenin?"

"Not really." Nagi shrugged. "But just know that I'm not doing this for you Leo!" _Tsundere_ Rummy thought, obviously she was correct. With that all out of the way, the group finished breakfast and packed some things they would need into backpacks. They decided that they could not stay out for too long, for obvious reasons. Therefore they would not go too far from their base of operations, or B.O.O. for short. Once they were ready, they left the manor and began their reconnaissance.

* * *

Tohsaka Residence

(Background Music: Blinded by Light from the Final Fantasy XIII OST)

* * *

"Berserker, duck!" An Indian girl called out to her Servant. The Servant obliged, and was able to dodge her opponent's attack. Berserker then proceeded to lift the assailant off the ground and slam him back onto it. Despite his best efforts, the assailant was soon pinned to the ground by Berserker.

"Rani, watch out!" Pinochle called, as Saber blocked another scavenger from ending the girl's life. Of course they fought back, but Saber's blade was much too strong for them. One, two, three, four. She delivered blow after blow to each of her opponents. This wouldn't last long.

"Saber, dodge!" Rin then called out, seeing the Assassin class Servant approaching Saber from behind. Her Servant, Lancer, made short work of the Assassin with her lance. Lancer then joined Saber and Berserker in repelling the rest of the attackers. While Saber served as their main offensive, Lancer would disarm anyone who tried to sneak up on them from behind. Once disarmed, Berserker would floor them whit her apparent expertise in wrestling moves. This lasted for quite a while, until eventually they stopped coming.

Rin breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God that's over! I mean seriously, who attacks completely out of nowhere like that?!"

"Well Sun Tzu, Oda Nobunaga, Sir Francis Drake and George Washington to name a few." Rani innocently replied.

"I wasn't really asking a question!" Rin snapped. Before the attack, she had been enjoying some alone time and also taking a shower. Because of the attack, she had to run downstairs in a towel. Her body was still soaking wet and now it was freezing cold. To top it all off, her hair was wet too, so the top of her head felt like a frigging iceberg. She had every reason to be pissed off. But unfortunately for her, Rani didn't understand sarcasm.

"Oh, so that's what you meant. Sorry for the confusion then." Rani apologized.

"Ugh, forget about it. It's fine Rani." Rin told her, slightly feeling guilty. "Anyway, I'm going to finish my shower. Any objections?"

If Rummy was there, she would probably say something like "OBJECTION! I'd like to come with you. And then after we're done, we should totally have some hot lesbian sex, take pics, and post them on the internet." However, she was not here, so Rin simply went up to finish washing herself.

"So who do you think they were?" Lancer asked Saber.

"I have no idea. How about you Rani?"

"No clue. But maybe Pinochle has found one." So all the ladies began to stare at Pinochle. Pinochle sighed and began to gather his thoughts. _They seemed kind of odd even by this war's standards. They also seemed like they had no idea what they were doing. And even though there were a bunch of them, it didn't seem like they were a unified team. I think I've got it!_

* * *

(Background Music: L's Theme C from the Death Note OST)

* * *

"Let's take into account the fact that they all acted weird. Also, they didn't seem to be following orders from anyone. It was as if they were all acting on their own. Most importantly though, they acted completely batshit insane." Pinochle then took a seat in a conveniently placed armchair. "The miasma outside can cause hallucinations with prolonged exposure. As demonstrated when we found Rin up a tree screaming something about worms raping her. If the initial hallucinations are that bad, who knows what staying in that mist longer than that could do to a person."

"If that's the case than why were the Servants also acting like that?" Lancer questioned.

"Well, I have a few theories that explain this. My first theory is that if a Master goes insane then their Servant will too. This is the simplest theory out of the three for obvious reasons. After all, a Master is linked with their Servant.

My second theory is that the Servants were just following orders from their Masters. If the intention of the order and how the order was actually given conflicted due to the insanity, there is a chance that the Servant would follow the order while under the effects of the insanity. It's similar to how Mad Enhancement works.

My final theory is that the miasma DOES have an effect on Servants. However, the effect takes longer to materialize. In this case, how long it would take a Servant to go insane probably depends on the Servant's individual skills, statistics and personality.

However, with all of this evidence I believe that I've made clear that our assailants had all gone insane due to the miasma!" Pinochle finished. In awe of his deductive abilities the girls began to clap for him.

"So then, what should we do?" Berserker asked. It was a good question. After all, they had just gotten there yesterday and had not made plans yet.

"Well, I think we should try and find my other Master." Saber proclaimed. "She needs me and I won't abandon her!"

"Personally I don't mind what we do, just as long as it's not boring." Berserker replied.

"We should try and find Konton so we can beat the shit out of him and make him fix all of this. Then maybe kill him for good measure." Lancer stated, clearly pissed off at how Konton had acted and not willing to let him make his case until he was six feet under. Though at that point, making your case would be rather difficult, due to being both buried and dead.

"I would like to get back to The Holy Grail War myself. So I believe we should either secure a master hacker or an administrator so that we may do just that." Rani informed them.

"Sounds like we all have different goals." Pinochle began. "But we can all work towards them together."

"Hmm, interesting." Rin said as she came down the stairs, now fully washed and clothed. "So what do you propose our immediate course of action should be Pinochle?"

"I think we need to scout out the area. After all, in order for us to find anything that we're looking for we need to actually look for it."

"Yes, and people die when they are killed." Rin sarcastically commented. "You didn't need to explain why we should do some recon, it's obvious enough."

"Well then, let us be on our way." Rani stated. And so they left to scout out the surrounding area to look for clues that could help them fulfill their goals.

* * *

Shopping District

Rummy's group stared in shock. Surrounding them from all directions, were civilians.

"What gives? There weren't any people here yesterday." Nagi observed.

"Apparently they were just waiting to show up." Rummy explained, though Nagi wasn't buying it. What Nagi was buying though were various anime, manga and sets of clothing from the stores. Rummy then decided to shop with her and both of them went into teenage girl mode. This of course meant that Leo and Flynn had to carry everything and anything that they bought.

After a few hours, with the miasma not really infecting them due to them being in various stores, Flynn and Leo noticed something strange. The crowd of people had unknowingly parted to let a single man through, and for some reason they couldn't get a good look at the man.

"Master, I think that that man may have something to do with the miasma?" Flynn asked Leo.

"It's worth looking into, that's for sure. Ask the cashiers to hold their purchases for us Flynn, and give them as much money as it takes to get them to do it. I'll tell the girls while you do that." Leo decided. It didn't take long to get everyone together, and so they commenced stalking the man.

* * *

(Background Music: First of the Year (Equinox) by Skrillex)

* * *

The four began to follow the man through the crowd. The closer that they got to him, the more they were able to see of him. He was wearing jeans and a purple jacket. Eventually, he entered an alleyway. They continued to pursue him; however it had become considerably harder to remain undetected. They had to duck behind buildings and hide in bushes quite a few times. Eventually, the man walked down a set of stairs into a café. Obviously, the four followed him.

The café was a dimly lit secluded place. There were people there but their identities were odd. All of them were children, and all of them were asleep. Rows upon rows of tables all had children sleeping in their seats, with their upper bodies resting on the tables themselves. Finally, on one of the support beams had several black tally marks on it.

"Welcome to my home kids." The man said, revealing to them that he knew they were there. "I'm glad you decided to stop by. You see we're just about to have ourselves a party. How would you like to join us?"

"I don't believe we came here for any party." Leo stated. "We merely wanted to ask you a few questions."

"Aww, don't be like that." The man begged. In a second he was in front of Leo, with his hands on the boy's shoulders. Leo then felt an ominous aura emitting from everything surrounding him. The children, the man and even the café were giving off an evil vibe that left him frozen with fear. "It'll be fuuuuun."

The man then jumped back, for where he once was now occupied by Flynn's sword. "My Master said that he would have none of this. If you continue to threaten us, I will have to stop you myself."

"Oooooooh noooooo!" The man uttered sarcastically. "You're too strong for me! Whatever shall I do?!" His eyes then glimmered with an evil shine. "Oh wait, I know. I'll just **CALL 911 NOW!**"

The man snapped his fingers and a tall man without a face dressed in a black suit appeared behind him. The newcomer launched his tentacles at the four, which Flynn was only able to block with sheer luck. But the newcomer would have none of this, as he wrapped his tentacles around Flynn's sword and disarmed him.

"We have to go now Nagi!" Rummy screamed. But as she looked back she saw Nagi fall to her knees, an expression of terror emblazed on her face and tears that flowed down her face like a mighty river. She stared at the newcomer in horror, and her breathing became erratic. Nagi was experiencing total fear.

"No." Nagi cried. "Please don't kill me. I didn't do anything to you. Why do you want to kill me? I'll never bother you again. Please don't kill me. I'll give you all the money you want. How have I wronged you? Please don't kill me. I'll do anything you want. Please don't kill me. Just please don't kill me."

Rummy slapped Nagi across the face. "Get a hold of yourself Nagi! We've got to run! Flynn lost his sword and neither of us have our Servants! If we stay here, we'll all die!"

"Die, death, dying. I don't want to die. You want me to die? Why do you want me to die? **Please don't kill me.**" Nagi wasn't responding sensibly anymore.

_Wait a minute, tall, thin figure, wearing a suit and no face?! _"You're the one who tried to kill Nagi in the woods!" Rummy yelled.

"What?!" Leo shouted. "But that must mean that we're all hallucinating now!"

"Hehhehheh! It means no such thing." The man told them. "This is my Servant, The Operator. Tough he's better known as Slenderman. He's an Assassin. And I assure you, he's just as real as you and me."

"Leo, get the fuck out of dodge!" Rummy yelled.

"I cannot let scum like this exist!"

"Do you even KNOW who the fuck Slenderman is?! He's like the god of killing people! And to top it all off, he's been summoned into the Assassin class! We have to run!" Rummy screeched.

"Perhaps, but then again, why not have an Assassin kill this Assassin?"

"Leo, have you gone mental on me? YOUR SERVANT IS A MOTHERFUCKING S-A-B-E-R!"

"Um, Rummy, I didn't say that." Leo informed her.

"Then who did?!" Rummy demanded. Unbeknownst to her, the answer would save her life.

* * *

(Fight Music: Assassin's Creed III Main Theme from the Assassin's Creed III Soundtrack)

* * *

A new man had just entered the room, one wearing a costume that was too complex to take in under all this stress. All they could tell that it was white, had a hood and also had some blue. This newcomer proceeded to charge at The Operator. Tentacles were then launched at him, but he jumped on top of them and proceeded to run on the tentacles towards Slenderman.

"Damn it, stop him!" The purple jacketed man yelled. "Use it Assassin! **Noble Phantasm: Line 3!**" Fire then came completely out of nowhere and threatened to engulf the newcomer. Luckily, he was able to jump back just in time, landing in front of Rummy and Nagi.

_This flame is strange._ The cloaked man thought. _It behaves in ways a normal flame would not. Considering that it appeared after Assassin was ordered to use his Noble Phantasm, I can assume that the fire either is the Noble Phantasm or is linked to it._ The cloaked man then felt a tug on his robe. He looked down and saw that Nagi had grabbed hold of it.

"Mister, does this mean that we get to live?" Nagi asked. The fact that fear had reduced her to asking permission to live sickened him.

"Of course you will." The cloaked man said with a smile. He then removed her hand from his robe and charged at Assassin once again. Fire once again came after him, but he threw a smoke bomb and disappeared. This lasted for all about one second, as the man with the purple jacket began to get strangled with what appeared to be a rope held by the cloaked man. The Operator saw this, and launched both fire and tentacles at the newcomer. He however, had predicted this. He then pulled the purple jacketed man right next to him, pulled out his tomahawk, put it under the psycho's neck and called out "You will leave these people and never bother them and I again or your Master dies!"

Rummy couldn't believe what she was seeing. This guy was ordering Slenderman around. Fucking Slenderman! She shat even more bricks when she saw Slenderman dissipate the fire and recall his tentacles. After The Operator had vanished from existence, the cloaked man threw his captive out the door.

"Run, now! And don't ever let me see your face again!" He ordered. This order was then carried out, and the jacketed man ran away with his tail between his legs. Nagi however was still crying. But these were no longer tears of fear. Yes, now they were tears of joy.

Nagi threw her arms around the man and began to cry uncontrollably. The man simply let her stay, and cry for as long as she needed to.

"So why did you help us?" Leo asked, sensibly confused that a random Servant just decided to show up and save their lives. The man looked at him and began to respond.

"It is because you have done nothing to earn death that I came to your aid. True, my Master did ask me to assist you, but I would have helped you anyway." The man smiled.

"In any case" Flynn began, while straining to remove his sword from the wall Slenderman had embedded it in. "We are grateful for your help. Thank you sir."

"I am no sir. I am merely a Servant of the Archer Class." This however piqued Rummy's interest.

"But didn't you say that you were an Assassin?" She asked.

"I am." The man answered. "I belong to the Assassin's Order; however my class in the war is Archer. All the members of the order are most compatible with the Assassin Class, as we are skilled in the art of assassination, and the Archer Class, as we frequently act alone and use ranged weapons." The man then saw that Rummy was giving him the universal look of 'I have no idea what you just said.' So he tried to explain one more time. "Basically I can be an Archer because of the Independent Action skill that members of the order possess even within their legends."

"Ooooooooooh!" Rummy exclaimed with realization. "That makes sense!"

"In any case" Leo began. "Why would your Master want to help us?"

"My Master wishes to forge an alliance with you. Also we share similar goals of putting an end to this miasma and discovering the purpose behind Konton's actions."

"Very well, in that case tell your Master to meet us at the Emiya Residence. There we shall discuss all prospects of an alliance between us." Leo decided.

"Thank you." Archer said. And after Nagi calmed down and let go of him, he disappeared.

* * *

Ryuudouji Temple

Pinochle and his harem had decided to investigate Ryuudouji Temple. This was a logical conclusion, as it did stand atop one of the city's leylines. On their way there, they noticed several of the strange doors that apparently were everywhere. Some of them were normal wooden doors, some of them were curtains, some of them were large and intimidating double doors and some of them were actually gateways.

"I wonder what's up with all of these doors." Pinochle remarked. "What purpose do they serve?"

"Let's find out then shall we?!" Berserker exclaimed and before anyone could stop her, she had opened a red and white door. What they saw was impossible to prepare for. It was a cold mountaintop. A snowstorm was blowing, and it was hard to make anything else out.

"Wow! This door leads to another world!" Berserker happily announced. "I'm gonna' go make snow angels!"

"Berserker, we don't know if you'll be able to return if you go through that door." Rani informed her Servant. This was too late however, as Berserker was lying down happily in the snow and making her snow angels. The rest of them couldn't help but stare at them. She was actually pretty good at it!

But this didn't last very long. Berserker got cold like any sane person would have several minutes ago and came back out to join the rest of the group. "S-s-s-s-soooooo c-c-c-c-c-coooooooold." She shivered.

"Well I guess we know that we can come back through the doors now." Rin stated. Pinochle however took another look at the mountain. It seemed familiar to him. Once he realized this, it took little time for him to reach a conclusion.

"I just realized something." Pinochle said.

"Feel like sharing with the rest of the class Nucks?" Lancer inquired.

"Yes, yes I do." He began. "That mountain… is Mt. Silver."

"Mt. Whatnow?" Berserker asked. Rani however had realized the significance.

"Mt. Silver is where you fought Rider correct?"

"That's right Rani." He replied. "I fought Rider here, and he turned out to be my childhood hero, Pokémon Master Red.

"That must have been hard for you." Lancer surprisingly stated. "I've gone through similar things, losing someone you care about I mean, so I know how it feels."

Saber smiled upon hearing this. "Thank you very much Lancer, for your words of encouragement."

"H-hey, don't get the wrong idea! We've just had similar problems in the past, that's it!" Lancer yelled. Saber smiled some more, she loved teasing Lancer like this. But it wasn't as funny if you take into account just how much trouble Lancer had with expressing her emotions. Saber of course had no way of knowing this, but the damage was still done.

"Hey, I hate to spoil all this, but we are running out of time." Rin informed each of them. So with that, they all went back to their B.O.O. to relax and reflect on their new information.

…

Except for the fact that they didn't.

Schlick. The sound rang out. Rin had no idea what it had meant until she looked down and saw the red thing impaling her left arm. Pain. Her mind then filled with pain. She began to scream louder and louder. The thing then was pulled out and behind her they saw him. He was a boy of about eleven, clothed in a white robe. He went barefoot and had no jewelry of any kind on his body. His hair was pure white and he had a bandage on his forehead. One of his eyes was blood red with a black iris and a white pupil. The other eye though, wasn't there. He had six strange cybernetic wings with red tips; this was what had pierced Rin's arm. Finally he had a golden halo over his head. It was as if the boy was an angel of death, sent there to bring them to the next world.

"I am the Servant Caster." The boy began in an unflinching emotionless voice. "I have been tasked by my Master to kill any and all participants in The Holy Grail War that do not comply with his wishes."

Rin, still trying to grasp the situation, turned to the boy and called out. "What?! What the fuck could your Master possibly want from us?!"

The boy looked down at her with his one eye for a second, as if trying to tell if she was serious or not. While this was going on, the three Servants were preparing for battle. Things were about to get ugly. Once the boy had decided that Rin had been serious, he once again used his monotone voice to tell them

"Why, your sanity of course."

* * *

(Ending Music: Zetsubou Billy by Maximum The Hormone)

* * *

Omake Author's Room

"Hello there everyone! I'm Mastersword, and welcome back to The Author's Room! This omake has been on hiatus for quite some time now, hasn't it? But never fear! We're back in business now! So say hello to our special guest, Archer!"

"Hello there Mastersword."

"Right back atcha' Archer." Suddenly though, a certain blond haired gunwoman walked on stage.

"Sup bitches? I'm here for my interview." Angel exclaimed before noticing the man sitting in the chair. "Mastersword, is this some kind of fucking joke? You called for Archer right? I'm Archer!"

"Archer is my Servant Class as well." Archer replied.

"Oh." Angel said in realization. "Well we can't just call you Archer this fic is so insane that you'll probably be fighting another Archer at some point! And what happens if more Archers are introduced? I was an Archer before it was cool!"

_Bitch please_ thought EMIYA.

_Bitches please_ thought Gilgamesh.

_I can totally see up her dress from here_ thought everyone else in the audience.

"Well, I guess you're right." Mastersword told her. "So Archer, what else do they call you?"

"My name is Ratonhnhaké:ton." Archer informed them. This left everyone with little but an awkward silence.

"I heard gay. I swear I heard the word gay in all of that somewhere." Angel said.

"I'm just concerned with the poor souls who have to spell that." Mastersword said.

Archer sighed. "You can also call me Connor if you want." He then grumbled under his breath "It's all anyone calls me anymore."

"Well why didn't ya' say so?!" Mastersword exclaimed. "Well then Angel and Connor, we're all out of time so let's do the interview next time."

"Fine." They both said with irritation.

"Until next time then folks, see ya' soon!"


	8. Fate EXTRA Insanity Christmas Special!

**Hello everyone, and Happy Holidays! Once again we'll be taking a break from the plot, but this time it's for a Christmas Special.**

"**Ya' know, I think a better Christmas present to give to them would be the next actual chapter. Since you kind of left off with Rin getting randomly stabbed." Rummy pointed out.**

**Well I have part of the chapter done anyway, so you can expect it soon.**

"**So you're telling me that you aren't even going to bother finishing it until you get done with this Christmas tangent?" She began. "And people say that I have problems!"**

**Pipe down and I'll let you play the lead.**

"**This is the single greatest idea that you've ever had Mastersword."**

**Glad to hear your approval! Now on with the disclaimer!**

"**Mastersword doesn't own any of the songs, characters, or settings mentioned in this fic. Unless of course, he actually created it. Now Happy Holidays and enjoy our fanfic of questionable quality!" She announced with a smile.**

* * *

Aestus Domus Aurea (AKA Saber's Noble Phantasm)

The theater was packed full of people. Each one of them either a Master, Servant, Administrator or somebody else that Mastersword decided was important enough to attend. For instance, several members of the Hellsing organization, the Assassin's Brotherhood, and Espers from Academy City were attending the production. But what was this play you ask? Well, it was quite simply the most clichéd idea ever. They were doing "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens. In fact, Charles Dickens himself was there as well! (He was summoned as a Caster but that's not important right now.)

Anyway, the house lights flickered, signaling everybody to get to their seats. So after purchasing copious amounts of overpriced unhealthy food, the patrons returned to their seats. Soon after this, the house lights went dark. A lone boy in a trench coat walked onto the stage. It was Konton, who was dragged out of his hiding spot earlier by Pinochle. He cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we thank you for coming to see our production. I am Konton Coded and I will serve as your narrator for tonight. Now then, I could give a long inspirational speech, but that's what Pinochle's for. So I'm just gonna' get to the good part. And now, our story begins." And with that Konton altered the audience's perception so that they would feel like they were in the story. (In other words he pirated Animus software from Abstergo.) The story would now unfold.

* * *

Back in the Day (AKA Victorian England.) Hoemance Inc.

Our story begins at the building of Hoemance Inc.. This was the company owned by Ms. Rummy Yuurei. It was painted bright red and had a large number of statues of Rummy surrounding it. In fact, the statues were also all over the whole city! London was pretty much her bitch. Why she named her company after a joke from chapter 2 that probably none of you remember is beyond me.

Inside of the building Rummy was busy playing Fate EXTRA CCC on her PSP, despite the fact that it hadn't been released yet. Rummy did this a lot. She always got games before they were released, and once she got them she would kill you if you interrupted her.

"Um excuse me Ms. Yuurei." A voice called. Rummy's response was to take the closest thing on hand (besides her PSP) which was a gold ingot, and throw it at the voice at supersonic speed.  
This caused the voice to stop. After somebody had applied a phoenix down to Pinochle's lifeless body, he once again attempted to talk to his boss.

"Ms. Yuurei, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Seeing as how you avoided death again I suppose I have no choice." Rummy sighed. "Wadda' ya' want boya?"

Pinochle was shocked at the turn of events. Normally she'd have already murdered him again. And so, he began to speak his mind. "I was just wondering if I could take tomorrow off for Christmas, since it's in the script and all."

"Why of course Pinochle. You know I'd do anything for you, so take the whole week off!"

Pinochle looked at her, dumbfounded. "Wait, what?! Really?!"

"Fuck no! Muahahahahahahahahahaha!" The teenage girl laughed while picking up her stuff and leaving Pinochle behind to suffer in silence.

* * *

On the way home Rummy saw her nephew Leo, who invited her to Christmas dinner. She responded to his generous invitation by kicking him in the gonads, stomping on his face and stealing his wallet. However, she wouldn't as easily be able to avoid the charity collectors. Oh how she hated them for no reason.

As she jizzed in her pants to the thought of the charity collectors dying in a fire, she found herself confronted by them. Asuka, Flynn and Ratonhnhaké:ton stood in front of her. She could never pronounce the name of that last one, so she just simply called him Bob for the sake of convenience.

"What do you want?" Rummy frankly asked them, knowing full well what the answer was going to be.

"We were wondering if you would like to donate money to help the Iroquois Confederation." Flynn began, wearing a smile that could sell ice to the Eskimos. "Recently the Iroquois have been devastated with famine, disease and sparkly vampires. Your money will go to giving them food, vaccines and hiring Alucard to massacre the entire Cullen family. Will you help us?"

Rummy thought for a moment. "As much as I like the idea of murdering vampires I'd prefer to do it myself. So I'm gonna' go with not a friggin' chance."

"But think of all the people that will suffer because of your greed!" Connor shouted at her, fed up with her from the past few weeks. Rummy walked up to him and spoke in his ear.

"Fuck you, and fuck your village Bob. If I burn it all to the ground then I'm pretty sure that you'll stop pissing me off about it." She then left, now jizzing in her pants at the thought of committing Native American genocide. Connor however was just as pissed off as you'd expect.

"This means war." Connor said to nobody in particular. He and Asuka then left to come up with various plans to take revenge while Flynn just sighed as now he would have to do their shared of work as well.

* * *

Rummy's Bedroom

After series of events such as getting home, eating dinner, slashing her wrists and cuddling with kittens Rummy went up to her room to get changed for bed. This took no time at all and she was now wearing short pajama pants and a tank top. Why was she wearing this during winter you ask? Well her heating system was so efficient that she thought it was too hot. That's right, while several other residents of the city struggled to keep warm at night she complained about the heat. It should be obvious why very few people liked her.

She got into her bed and turned off the lights to go to sleep. It was then however that, you guessed it, a ghost appeared in her bedroom.

"Rummy. Rummy." The spirit said in an ominous wail.

Rummy however remained asleep.

"Ruuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyy ." The ghost moaned, slightly raising his voice in an attempt to wake her up.

Spoiler alert: It didn't work.

By now the spirit had had enough of these shenanigans. So he went up to Rummy and began violently shaking her while screaming "Wake the fuck up!"

"Bad touch!" The girl exclaimed before throwing the ghost across the room only to hit the freaking wall.

"Now that I've got your attention" The spirit began. "Recognize me?" It was true as the ghost was someone that Rummy had known while he was alive. However, it was also someone who Rummy wasn't so happy to see.

"Damn it Shinji, even in death you have to piss me off don't you." Rummy stated, still drowsy from being woken up. "I thought that people were supposed to die when they were –"

"NO!" Shinji yelled. "We are not using that joke!" Rummy rolled her eyes at her supposed inability to make the joke in one of the only possible situations where it would ever be relevant.

"But regardless, you should be dead. So why are you bothering me now?"

"I was about to get to that."

"I don't think you understand. Let me break it down for ya all smooth like." Rummy decided before picking up a conveniently placed pare of sunglasses on her nightstand. "Yo I'm talkin' straight up passed the fuck away! I'm talkin' passing dead, judging by the river of Styx! I'm talkin' fuckin' bitchin' by the pearly gates motherfucker!"

Shinji sighed. "First Hellsing abridged, and now JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Abridged. Why must you keep making references that nobody gets?"

"Whatever, just tell me why you're here jackass." Rummy said, her sunglasses miraculously disappearing off of her face.

"Well, you're gonna' be visited by some spirits tonight to teach you the true meaning of Christmas. That's pretty much it. Now if you excuse me, I have to collect my paycheck." Shinji then disappeared and Rummy sighed. _Even in death Shinji's still an asshole._ She thought before attempting to sleep again.

* * *

A while later Rummy woke up again feeling that someone else was there. She was right, as a teenager clothed in red was standing there. Rummy instantly jumped for joy. "Holy shit, Red you're alive!"

"Yes, yes I am." Red smiled. "I'll be your Ghost of Christmas Past for tonight, so shall we get started?"

"Yeah! We have so much to catch up on later though." She announced. Rummy jumped up out of bed and joined Red. The two then began their excellent adventure… by jumping out of the window.

* * *

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Red and Rummy appeared at the old school that she had attended. It was in fact Hogwarts. "I remember this place!" She exclaimed. "I used to play in the courtyard all the time! Then I always climbed up the walls since I thought I was in Assassin's Creed! But I absolutely loved what they taught me here! Magic is awesome!"

"Yes. That is what you thought Rummy." Red began. "But still, it didn't change the fact that you were miserable. Your father had beaten both you and your sister Rin several times when you were younger. That's why your mother sent you here. Remember now?"

"Yeah." Rummy said, beginning to tear up. "Then mom was murdered by dad out of a drunken rage. Rin was left all alone, and after the others heard about my situation nobody liked me anymore. It was so lonely."

The two were now in an empty classroom. A young version of Rummy had her head on her desk and was loudly weeping. Just then another girl entered the room. She tapped Young Rummy on the shoulder, causing her to look up and immediately go ecstatic. "Oh my God Rin! It's you!" The young Rummy said before embracing her older sister.

"Yep it's me alright!" Rin informed her. "How would you like to spend Christmas with me for a change?"

"I'd love it!"

"Really warms your heart doesn't it?" Red asked Rummy.

"Yeah. But in a few years Rin's going to die in something called The Holy Grail War. Insane cultists will kidnap her, and the next time I'll see her will be at her funeral." Red sensed that he had stepped on a landmine, and so tried to fix this as best as he could.

* * *

Club We R' Angelz

"Oh hey look, it's the next plot point!" Red exclaimed, pointing at the club. This distraction worked somehow and Rummy began gazing into the windows of the club. She saw a lot of people dancing, drinking and partying. Though since it was a club that should be obvious. Angel was in the middle of the dance floor with Past Rummy. The two were having a dance off and Angel's sister Stocking was DJing.

"I remember this." Rummy said. "We had a dance off and then this guy came in to interrupt it." As Rummy had predicted, a man clad in gold jumped in to the middle of the dance floor and proceeded to show off his epic dance moves. After being thoroughly impressed his personal fangirl brigade appeared out of nowhere to shower him with admiration.

"Behold mongrels! I, Gilgamesh, am the greatest dancer of all time! And clubs haven't even been invented yet!" Gilgamesh shouted. Past Rummy noticed how much adoration he got from his fangirls. In a start of darkness moment, she decided that she wanted them for herself.

"And that's why I decided to marry Gilgamesh, to extort his assets!" Rummy stated with a cute smile and her signature motion which I'm sure you've all forgotten by now.

"But it didn't last right?" Red questioned.

"Yep. I ran out of a use for him."

* * *

Hoemance Inc.

Gilgamesh stormed out of the door. "I can't believe I've put up with you for all these years! It's over!"

"Oh really?" Past Rummy asked raising an eyebrow. "And why is that?" These questions just infuriated the King of Heroes even more.

"**BECAUSE YOU'RE EVEN MORE SELFCENTERED THAN ME!**" The king yelled before slamming the door. Past Rummy just yawned and went right back to playing Persona 5.

"You really were twisted back then." Red remarked. Rummy was taken aback at this statement.

"Back then?! I'm insulted! I'm just as twisted right now as I was back then, if not more so!" On that awkward note Red disappeared and Rummy was returned to her room to await the next spirit.

* * *

Rummy's Bedroom

She didn't have to wait long though, as Berserker was there already. Apparently her bedroom had turned into a prison while Rummy was gone. What was stranger was the fact that the albino girl didn't seem bothered by it at all. Rummy sighed and walked over to the phantom.

"So, you gonna' take me on a life changing fieldtrip or what?" She frankly asked. However Berserker was watching TV, listening to heavy metal and shooting a machine gun at marked targets. Rummy's solution was to throw another gold ingot at the TV, smash the sound system with a sledgehammer and throw a grenade under the machine gun. After being slammed against the wall by the force of the explosion Berserker hastily agreed to do whatever Rummy wanted as long as she didn't hurt her again. So with the Ghost of Christmas Present in her party they began the next segment in Rummy's adventure… by once again jumping out of the window.

* * *

Pinochle's House

Pinochle's house was a stereotypical run down house that was only one step above being homeless. Except for the humongous east wing attached to it for some reason. It was even bigger than Rummy's mansion!

"Sooooooooooooo Spirit. Whatcha' bring me here for?" Rummy asked the ghost.

"Well, you may not know this but this is actually the house of your employee Pinochle." Berserker replied. Rummy cast her a look of disbelief.

"There is no way that Nucks is that loaded. I'm calling bullshit."

"Hm?" Berserker wondered. "Can't you see how poor he is?"

"Can't you see the freaking east wing?!" Rummy screamed, pointing at the wing.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Berserker replied. Rummy sighed and decided to drop the issue. "Let's look inside." The albino suggested.

"So you bring me all the way out here to spy on people?" Rummy questioned. "I'm beginning to see why you were in a prison." Regardless of her statements however, Rummy moved in to peep at the window. Inside it she saw Pinochle and his wife Saber along with their kids. They had enough to make an American Football team.

"Why is it that poor people always have so many children?" The protagonist asked to nobody in particular. "You'd think that they wouldn't because of how much they cost wouldn't you?"

"Tell me about it." Mewtwo said as he passed them by on his way to meet Slenderman's Master for their annual Christmas Eve poker night, and thereby satisfying their cameos in this chapter. Rummy quickly put this weirdness out of her mind. Except for the fact that she didn't

"Wait, how come that guy could see me?"

"Because we're standing outside a house. Usually people can see other people."

"I thought these people couldn't see us."

"That only applies to the other Ghosts."

"So basically you have no magic."

"That is not true! I so have magic!"

"Yeah, uhuh, just keep telling yourself that." It was then that the two of them shut up. They had noticed that the people inside were talking and wanted to properly eavesdrop. They focused and began to hear the conversation unfolding.

"So then the family says 'We call it the aristocrats!'" Announced Pinochle, finishing up a joke he was telling to his wife.

"Thanks Nucks, I needed that." Saber smiled. Their oldest son Hayate and their oldest Daughter Rani were almost done setting the table for dinner. Once they were done, the family sat down. Their meal was basically what you'd expect in an over-exagerated story such as this, which is to say close to nothing.

"Mama, Nagi hasn't come down. Should I go up to get her?" Hayate asked Saber.

"Yes that would be nice son. Just don't forget her cane." She replied. Hayate nodded and then walked upstairs to fetch his younger sister. As this was going on, Pinochle decided to give grace.

"Oh Lord, we thank you for what you have given us this day. Thank you for watching over us as we go about our days. May you reign in peace forever, Amen." Hayate then returned, and a red carpet then rolled out on the floor. Down the carpet strutted Nagi, wearing something that can only be described as a pimp's outfit. She even had a diamond cane! Nagi snapped her fingers, and an army of her personal servants replaced the chares with thrones, the table with a solid gold one and the food with first class cuisine. Rummy found this shocking. But what made even less sense to her was that nobody else seemed to realize that Nagi was excessively rich!

"Such a shame isn't it?" Berserker asked Rummy. "If nothing is done soon little Nagi over there won't live to see another Christmas." Rummy gave Berserker another one of those "what the fuck are you talking about" looks.

"If the cause of death is related to the mafia then maybe." Rummy concluded.

"Don't be insensitive!" Berserker chastised. "She was born with a few birth defects. Didn't the cane give you a hint?"

"Really? 'Cause however I look at it I only see a pimp cane."

"Ugh, whatever. My job's done here anyway. See ya' later." Berserker said before disappearing into thin air.

* * *

Rummy then noticed the two figures standing behind her. She turned around to see Both Slenderman and Caster. "Let's just get this over with." Rummy stated.

"Yes, that would be ideal." Caster informed her in his monotone voice. "Now then, let us go back to the future." The three then proceeded to return to Rummy's bedroom just so that they could jump out of the window to begin their journey.

* * *

Graveyard in the Future

Once arriving at the misty graveyard, Slenderman looked at Rummy as if trying to communicate.

"Um, what the heck is he doing?" She asked. Caster then pulled out his I-Phone.

"Give me a moment, I have a translator app." Caster replied. A few seconds later he spoke again. "Either he's informing you that this graveyard holds your fate, or he's saying that that dress makes you look fat." Rummy then slapped Slenderman.

"I'm wearing pajamas asshole!"

"In any case, we should move." Caster instructed. Thus the three party members moved through the graveyard. Where they were going, Rummy didn't know. After a bit, Slenderman pointed to a grave. Rummy looked at Caster who took the hint and began looking up a translation.

"Either he's saying that this is the grave of little Nagi, or that there's a hyena in his trousers." Rummy walked over to examine the grave while Caster walked over to examine Slenderman's pants. "There's no hyena in his pants, so that should be her grave." He said in his emotionless voice.

"Really? Because there's no grave here." Rummy informed them. This cause Caster and Assassin to wonder.

"Perhaps it is located somewhere else." Caster offered as an explanation.

"Or perhaps she didn't die at all because NOTHING IS WRONG WITH HER!" Was Rummy's counter offer.

"In any case, we have more to show you." So the three continued walking until Slenderman stopped and pointed at another place.

"Either he wants you to look there, or he believes that capitalism will one day lead to a dictatorship which will inevitably lead to nuclear war."

"Anything else?"

"Well he also could be saying that he likes turtles, but I chose not to mention that because that's just silly." Caster informed her. Rummy then looked at the place where Slenderman had pointed to. It was another grave. Her grave.

"Oh, such a plot twist." She sarcastically remarked.

"Read it." Caster requested of her. Sighing, Rummy obliged and began to read her headstone.

"Here lies Rummy Yuurei. Date of birth: Back in the day, Date of death… Wait this can't be right. This thing says I'm gonna' die tomorrow."

"Keep reading." Caster told her.

"At twelve o'clock am on December 26th, two people broke into the Yuurei manor. Rummy's remains were found in her bedroom." Rummy's eyes started to widen as the epitaph grew more and more disturbing. "The words 'She's raping my brain' were found written in blood all over the walls along with mysterious symbols heavily implying that she had gone insane. Among these were Nazca lines, the seal of Solomon, a Mandelbrot Set and The All Seeing Eye. Her body itself had numerous stab wounds, similar to what a spear and a tomahawk would produce. Her throat was slit and her eyes had been stabbed by two knife-like objects in a way that appears to indicate that they were stabbed at the same time. The bones from her right arm were found in an alley being gnawed upon by stray dogs. Her corpse was also scalped, and all of her money was stolen." Rummy was gasping for breath as she began to read the last part. "Reports confirm that a Native American in a white hooded robe and a Half-Japanese girl in a skin-tight red suit were at the crime scene. However nobody cared to pursue this further, as the entirety of London was celebrating that the Iroquois had just received enough money to fix all of their troubles. Requiescat in Pezzi."

"This can't be right." Rummy said, turning around to address the two ghosts. However, they were nowhere to be seen. "If I change then will this not happen? If that's how it's gonna' be then I'll change!"

* * *

"Not so fast Rummy." Another voice called out. Rummy looked in the voice's general direction and saw two men. She knew exactly who they were.

"Kirei! Deadpool! What the fuck are you doing here?" She questioned. Kirei laughed a little at this.

"You see Rummy" The psycho priest began. "Assassin and I are the Ghosts of Christmas Deus ex Machina, and we are here to satisfy both you and the readers who don't want to see the same ending to the same story over and over and over again."

"Well then." Rummy started, walking up to Kirei. "What do you propose we do to fix this problem?"

"Simple." Deadpool remarked. "We're going back in time to change history so that none of this shit ever happens." Rummy flashed them an intrigued smile.

"So what are we going to change specifically?"

"Basically we're going to alter time so that you aren't a stereotypical Assassin's Creed target. In retrospect it was pretty retarded to do that in the first place in a story that has an Assassin in it, but I digress. Let's start by fucking with your childhood!" Kirei exclaimed. And so began the journey of the partners in time.

* * *

Back in the Day

The first thing the trio had to do was take care of Rummy's father. Deadpool volunteered for the job. And so, he just simply strutted into Rummy's old house while her father was beating his wife and kids.

"What the fuck do you want!?" The obviously intoxicated man yelled at him. Deadpool just pulled out one of his katanas.

"Your life buttmunch." He then sliced the wife and child beating asshole right down the middle. Rather than do the sensible thing and scream or call the police, the remaining family members captured Wade in one big group hug. And after Rummy's hot mom offered to blow him on the spot, the two got married and Deadpool became Rummy's new father.

"That explains so much." Kirei stated in awe. The team was now ready to move to their next destination, Hogwarts!

* * *

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Kirei placed numerous booby-traps around the school. These weren't just any booby-traps though. They were programmed to activate only when Rummy walked near them. Because of this, Young Rummy ended up saving people's lives literally every time she set foot out of her room. This made her popular with basically everyone, and she made many lifelong friends. Dumbledore even gave Rummy a medal for saving everyone's lives on a daily basis. She even saved him a couple of times!

"Way to make me popular by turning the school into a deathtrap Kirei." Rummy congratulated the psycho priest.

"Oh I aim to please." He replied.

"Onward to the future bitches!" Deadpool called out.

* * *

The Holy Grail War

They were now transported to the Holy Grail War that Rin had lost her life in. Kirei and Deadpool gave Rummy temporary Admin powers to allow her to aid her sister from the shadows, by killing all of the old Servants. This resulted in Lancer taking a poisoned arrow to the knee, Berserker getting decapitated by a lion, Caster being lit on fire in a natural gas storage tank, Rider catching the plague and Assassin being murdered by Ezio Auditore da Firenze. Saber and Rin's Archer were fighting their final battle.

"Hey fuckface!" Rummy yelled at Saber. "What's worse than Unlimited Blade Works, and Gate of Babylon?

"Let me guess" The old Saber began. "My face?"

"Oh you wish! UNLIMITED GATE OF BABYLON WORKS MOTHERFUCKER!" Need I say any more?

* * *

Club We R' Angelz

The three entered the club with sunglasses on to completely obscure who they were. For some reason this worked. They proceeded to party like it was 1999, but at the same time they informed Stocking of how much of an ass Gilgamesh was being. Because Stocking hated guys like that after some incident in the past that I won't even go into, she kicked his bitch ass out of the club, thereby averting the entire romantic subplot.

"Shouldn't we move on now?" Rummy asked Wade.

"Just give me a minute, I'm about to shake my moneymaker." Wade replied. Rummy sighed and gave the two men more time to act like they were on Jersey Shore despite how much she and the author hated that show.

* * *

Pinochle's House

While relaxing in her room, a paper airplane landed in Nagi's window. Normally such an object would have been shot down by a flamethrower by one of her numerous bodyguards, so the fact that it had made it to her was very significant. Curious, she opened up the paper airplane and saw that something was written there. She then began to read the message in the airplane.

Dear Nagi,

It has come to my attention that you have lots of money. This is a good thing. However, what isn't a good thing is that each one of your family members seems to not realize that you are freaking loaded. It is in your best interests to inform your parents and siblings of your infinite amounts of money. This will allow all of you to now be as poor as everyone believes you to be, and it will in a way also save Christmas.

Sincerely,

Team Three Star

"Sister! It's time for dinner!" Hayate called out while entering her room and bringing her cane to her.

"Thank you onii-chan, I have an announcement I need to make anyway." Nagi smiled. The two then left for dinner.

"So is that it?" Rummy asked Kirei from their hiding spot.

"Nope. We may have lowered your notoriety, but we still haven't eliminated the true problem."

"And what pray tell would that be?"

"The Iroquois." Kirei informed her. "We have to solve their first world problems too."

"I'm pretty sure that sparkly vampires are at least a second world problem." Wade interjected.

"Let's just finish this up." Rummy replied. And so, they left to do just that.

* * *

In America

This last task was simple enough. In order to combat the famine, Kirei opened an Outback Steakhouse restaurant near the Iroquois. That took care of the first problem. Wade then used his Admin powers to give the Native Americans regenerative abilities like he had. Therefore all diseases were tricked into thinking that they were an army of Deadpools and therefore ran the fuck away.

"And now for the fun part." Rummy said while putting on some hunting goggles and picking up a machine gun. Rummy was later joined by Kirei, Deadpool and the entire Hellsing organization as they massacred all of the Cullen family. Because of fuck sparkles. With that done, the Iroquois were faring better than ever.

"Thanks guys." Rummy told Kirei and Wade. "I hope the readers like this."

"Don't worry." Kirei assured her. "It's about time someone did something different with this Christmas story. The fact that you did it means that you can act like a hipster when everyone else starts doing it."

"I guess so." She replied. "Now let's go home."

And so Team Three Star left back for Victorian London using a time space travel method that I could never explain if I wanted to.

* * *

Rummy's Bedroom

Rummy woke up and jumped out of bed. She had no time to waste. She had to check to see if the changes they made had stuck. After running to the window and throwing it open she spotted a small boy walking in the street.

"Hey boy!" Rummy yelled at him. "What day is it?"

"It's Valentine's day!"

"Wait, what the flying fuck!" The girl exclaimed.

"Just trollin' ya'. It's Christmas." The boy then ran away, shielding his virgin ears from any further obscenities. Rummy then grabbed a few things and jumped out of her window (sense a theme here?) to land on the ground in the streets below. She had some work to do.

* * *

Jolly Old Victorian London

The first person she saw was Leo. Rummy immediately tackled him and pushed him to the ground. She then leaned forward and whispered into his ear. "Tell my sister I'll be there for dinner tonight." Then she jumped up and took to the rooftops to get to her next destination, leaving Leo to wonder what Pandora's box he had opened by inviting her.

She then ran into the charity collectors. They approached her and Flynn started to speak, but Rummy just held a hand up to his mouth to silence him. Believing that things could turn violent, Connor took out his tomahawk and Lancer materialized her lance. But Rummy just held out three bags that were filled to the brim with gold coins.

"I don't want to hear a word out of any of you. Just shut up and take my money!" The rich girl exclaimed. This donation was extremely appreciated, and Connor even ended up inviting Rummy to join the Assassin's Brotherhood because of it. She replied "Fuck Yeah!" and then went back to the rooftops to find her last target.

She got to Pinochle's house, but it was empty. Rummy was shocked, what the frig had happened to them? Had she failed?

"Nope they just moved right next door to you." A certain golden witch replied.

"Wait, why the heck are you here?" Rummy questioned.

"I'm appearing in the next chapter anyway, so Mastersword decided to write me in. See you soon." Beatrice, The Golden Witch of Rokkenjima told her before disappearing into a cloud of golden butterflies. Not needing another word, Rummy proceeded in the opposite direction that she came to get to Pinochle's house.

* * *

Pinochle's Mansion

Rummy felt a sense of envy upon arrival. His house was twice as big as hers, and was made of jewels and valuable metals. _Clearly he's overcompensating for something._ She thought before heading in. Unfortunately the door was locked. Therefore she did what any sensible person would do at a time like this.

Break a window and jump in.

Once in, she disabled the guards with a sleeper hold. Yes guards. Pinochle now had his own police force. _He's just overcompensating Rummy, he's just overcompensating._ The girl told herself so that she wouldn't explode from envy. She then proceeded to the living room where they all were, opening their presents. Pinochle and his family were shocked for obvious reasons.

"How did you get in here?" Pinochle asked.

"Oh I have my ways. Anyway, I'd like to make you my business partner."

Pinochle did a double take. "Wait, seriously?!"

"And also I want to join your harem."

Now Pinochle did a spit take, Hayate covered Nagi's ears and Rani just sat there continuing to open her presents like a boss. "What the heck are you talking about?! I don't have a harem!" Pinochle retorted.

Rummy loudly groaned and stomped toward him. "Look, it doesn't matter what you think Pinochle, regardless of what you want the readers will still ship us!"

"What the heck is that supposed to mean?"

"Ugh! Why can't you know about the fourth wall like I do?" She complained.

"Um hello!" Saber began. "Pinochle's wife over here! What the fuck is wrong with you lady?" Rummy was tired with this shit so she decided to put an end to it. The jumped at Saber and held her on the ground.

"What the fuck are you –" Saber didn't get to finish this sentence, as Rummy had shut her up by French kissing her. She deeply kissed her for over twenty minutes, and once their lips were unlocked, Saber blushed.

"I… I think I'm in love." Saber announced.

Pinochle just sighed. He realized there was no point whining about it. After all, this could be considered the best Christmas ever. "Well I guess that's that. Welcome to the family Rummy."

Truly, this was an awesome Christmas.

* * *

Aestus Domus Aurea

"And that is how the west was won!" Konton concluded. The audience was silent for a moment. But before Charles Dickens could shout something to the effect of "They raped my story!" Ezio appeared out of nowhere and assassinated him from behind. Now everyone could clap. The cast took their bows and Rummy got several flowers. After all, this was something they had earned via plagiarism.

* * *

(Ending Music: Merry Freaking Christmas by Relient K)


	9. Chapter 8: Prelude To Madness

**Haisai everyone, welcome to chapter 8! Here we will bring the long-awaited conclusion to the Fuyuki Saga!**

"**Don't lie to everyone Mastersword!" Rummy yelled back.**

**Boo! Hiss! Fine, this chapter won't bring the conclusion. But at the very least it will advance the plot. There, Happy?**

"**Elated." Rummy replied sarcastically.**

**Well since you're here, at least do the disclaimer for us.**

"**Is that really necessary? I mean by now they should know that Mastersword doesn't own any of the characters, worlds or music within this fic. Unless he created it himself. Do I really need to tell them that again?"**

**You just did Rummy.**

"… **I don't like you."**

**Well anyway, without further adieu, enjoy your fanfic of questionable quality!**

* * *

Ryuudouji Temple

Rin fell to the ground in pain. A pool of blood began to form. Pinochle was the first to rush to her aid; he tore off his sleeves and used them as makeshift bandages for her arm.

"Th-thank you Pinochle." Rin told him. "But how are we going to escape this?"

"I'll figure something out. Just relax right now; we can't afford to have you lose more blood." He responded.

"A-alright, I'll try."

The assailant gave them a strange look. "Why do you care if she gets hurt?"

Pinochle looked at him and said. "Because she's my comrade. I'd risk my life for her! We have to stick together if we want to survive in this strange world!" This only made the newcomer appear more clueless.

"But why should you care about a being other than yourself? All beings must die, that girl is no exception. So why do you care if I kill you all now? You all shall die at some point so why do you all care when?"

More than anything, this confused Pinochle. "Are you saying that you don't care if you die? That you don't know why people wish to live? Are you suicidal or something?!"

The boy just looked at Pinochle like he always had. An expression with no emotion. "Your confusion makes no sense to me. But it matters little, for you are going to die here regardless of what you desire."

"Master, get behind me!" Saber ordered. Pinochle obliged, and the Servants readied themselves to fight. Without a spoken word the Servants charged at the assailant. It was time to decide their fates.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Prelude To Madness**

(Opening Music: No Pain, No Game By Nano)

* * *

Ryuudouji Temple

(Fight Music: Eternity from the Blue Dragon OST)

* * *

Saber lunged forward and jumped in the air, swinging her sword down on Caster. Caster however was able to block it with his wings. But this was only a distraction, as it allowed Berserker to lift him up and throw him against a tree. Lancer then took this opportunity to impale him with extreme prejudice. She stabbed and stabbed and stabbed at him, but the boy wouldn't even flinch.

"Why won't you die?!" Screamed Lancer.

"Because" The boy began before kicking the Servant off of him, pulling her spear out of him and arming himself with her lance. "I am stronger than you shall ever be Lancer."

"Come again?" Lancer replied, seething with rage.

"I merely stated a fact Lancer. It is impossible for you to defeat me for I am stronger than you will ever be."

This however, caused Lancer to lose it. "You're just like all of them." Lancer said while crying and emitting murderous aura. "I was supposed to be the best. I was supposed to be the one people looked up to. I was supposed to be the fucking hero! But no! They gave it all to him!" She then stopped screaming and started emitting a different sound.

"Lancer" Rin began "Why are you laughing?" Indeed the girl was laughing. Lancer had gone off the deep end.

"Because no matter what the FUCK I do, that bastard gets all the credit. It's so funny how hopeless I am, and how helpless I was. I mean come on; my life is so FUCKED UP it's hilarious! It's like something out of a comedy!" Lancer only stopped her rant to see Caster in her face, and to feel her flesh pierced by her own lance. She gently touched Caster's face. With a smile gracing her visage, she leaned to Caster's ear and began to whisper. "Hey you remind me of Arael, the one who defiled me. Well how about I teach you what pain is then? But not physical pain, nothing like it at all. The pain I went through, the pain of having my mind raped by a demon claiming to be chosen by god. That is the pain you will feel." Lancer then kissed Caster on the lips and pushed him away. Her eyes then began to glow pure white.

"No, stop! You can't use that now!" Rin yelled.

"**Noble Phantasm**"

"Don't do it Asuka!" Her Master begged.

"**Angel of Birds.**"

* * *

(Background music: The Hallelujah Chorus from George Friedrich Handel's Messiah)

* * *

Asuka then began to scream in pain. She hunched over clutching her chest and then her back burst open with several glowing structures growing out of it. From a certain angle, they looked like wings. Then it happened. A light began to descend onto their battlefield. Pinochle looked at the light, and then heard his Servant calling out in pain.

"Make it stop! Make it stop!" Saber screamed. Pinochle was about to go oven and help her, but he heard more screams.

"No, please don't hurt me anymore! Ganta save me!" Coming from Berserker.

"Why why why?! Please not again! Anything but that! Help!" And Rin.

"Wh-what the fuck is going on?!" Pinochle screamed.

"It appears that this light has the ability to replay painful experiences in the minds of those within its' range." Rani informed him.

"Then why would Lancer use it when we're in the crossfire?" Pinochle wondered.

"It is because of Lancer's skill of Irregular Mental Pollution. While normally the skill shuts out all forms of mental interference, in her case it grants her greater power with how much she goes insane. The crazier she gets, the more powerful she'll become."

Meanwhile Asuka hadn't noticed any change in Caster's face. "How?" She cried. "How can you just ignore all this pain I've felt?!" She then turned to the two sane Masters. "That goes for both of you two! I want fucking answers!"

"In that case, permit me to start." Asuka glared at Caster as he began to speak. "My **Noble Phantasm: Dark Barrier** prevents any of your attacks from affecting me."

"That's a bluff and I know it! There's no way that your Noble Phantasm protects you from everything!"

"I never said it did." Caster retorted. "But it does protect me from everything at your party's disposal."

"No, there's no way." Asuka said as she cried harder. "There's no way!" Caster then appeared in front of her.

"And even if I didn't have **Dark Barrier**, your Noble Phantasm works by forcing others to relive painful experiences from their pasts."

"Yeah, so it should work on…" Asuka stopped, realizing what Caster was trying to say.

"That is correct. I am incapable of feeling any emotions. Therefore, you have no offence against me. Your lives end here."

Asuka collapsed to the ground in a fit of tears. Her Noble Phantasm disappeared, leaving one Master crippled and all Servants mentally unfit to fight. They had run out of options. Caster lifted Asuka's face from the ground.

"I envy you Lancer." He then picked up her spear and impaled her back with it. Caster turned to the rest. "I won't even need to use my Noble Phantasm on you. What a useless end." It was true; they literally had nothing that could stand up to Caster's **Dark Barrier**. They were as good as dead.

But still Pinochle stood up to him.

He walked up to Caster, grabbed him by the collar and threw him into the same tree he had made an indent in earlier.

"Don't you dare call what we're doing useless! We've sacrificed a whole lot to get here! We're literally in the middle of a tournament where only one of us gets to live in the end. Coming from that, it's taken a whole lot to get us to trust each other. But we still did it! And if you think you can just waltz into here and kill us for no damn reason, you've got another thing coming! I bet my life that I won't die today, so just try and take it!"

"Ok." Caster replied. His wings then extended towards Pinochle, intent on taking his life. That was the end for our hero.

…

Except for the fact that it wasn't.

The wings stopped millimeters from Pinochle's body. Caster then returned them to their usual form and looked at Pinochle.

"It appears that my plans have changed. Berserker has informed me that Master wishes to discuss something with us. I have succeeded in my goal to spread insanity to your group; therefore I have nothing left to do with you. Goodbye." And like that, Caster disappeared in a blinding flash of light. Pinochle looked up into the sky, it was already getting dark. He then looked at his friends. Save for Rani, all of them had been broken in some way. Pinochle sighed. _This is going to be one long night._

* * *

Emiya Residence

Rummy yawned as she woke up from her rest. It was already the next day. She sighed. That meant that they had already been in Fuyuki City for about three days, and she still had no clues at all. She didn't know why they were in Fuyuki and why and how Konton sent them to Fuyuki. Heck, she didn't know if she actually was in Fuyuki or some sort of replica in the virtual world!

But what was really bothering her was that she didn't know where her friends were. Angel, Blackmore, Lancer, Rin, heck even Rani who sometimes awkwardly followed them around for some reason was missed too. Of course she missed Saber and Mewtwo as well, but she really missed Pinochle. She felt odd. "Why would I miss him more than my own Servant?" The girl wondered out loud. It wasn't love. She wasn't that kind of heroine and she knew that much.

Then what was it?

Rummy sat for a moment and pondered this. Then she saw the clock and noticed that the time was around three pm. How the flip had she slept so long? This of course triggered the memory that the new Archer would be here with his Master by now. She sprang up and ran to the dining room, only to run into Nagi on the way who informed her with an embarrassed shriek that she was naked. So after running back to her room and putting clothes on, the girl resumed running to the dining room.

* * *

Shirou's Dining Room

When Rummy arrived she saw both Leo and Flynn sitting at one side of the table, and Archer and an unknown man sitting at the other. The man was wearing jeans, a white hoodie and some black shoes. "Wait, he's sitting at the table so how did I know his shoe color?" The girl thought. Regardless, she sat down next to Leo and made herself comfortable.

"So, what I miss?" The lone female questioned. The unknown man spoke first.

"Well I'm Archer's Master, Desmond Miles." The unknown informed her. "And you didn't miss much; we were just about to discuss a possible alliance."

"Indeed." The blond haired prince sitting next to her replied. "So what do you propose then?" It was obvious that Leo didn't trust them. The thought made Rummy uneasy.

"Well then." Archer began. "Allow us to explain our circumstances. We wish to find Konton and assassinate him."

"Agreed." Leo said. "Just make sure to torture the way to get back into the .PH. out of him before you do off him."

Rummy was now shocked beyond belief. Sure Konton had dumped them into this place with no reason given, but weren't they jumping the gun a bit?"

"No we aren't." Both Archer and Leo said in unison. Rummy really needed to stop voicing her thoughts out loud. Archer decided to continue. "The Assassin's Brotherhood is dedicated to stopping corrupted people with power, Templar or not. Though I would like to believe otherwise it appears that Konton has gone mad with power. Therefore I must abide by my oath and take his life."

"We think that Konton has the key to returning everything to normal, seeing as how he's an Admin and all." Desmond stated. "Anyway I'm not asking you to agree with us, but can you at least see where we're coming from?"

Rummy sighed. She wanted Archer to join their side, but she also wanted to talk to Konton about what he did. They wouldn't have the chance if he died. Still though, it looked like she wouldn't be able to get through to Leo.

"Ok." Rummy said. "I respect your reasoning even if I don't agree with it. I only ask that you respect mine in return."

"Agreed." Desmond replied.

"Even though your reasoning's wrong?" Leo stated with monotone, not even looking at her.

"Excuse me?" Rummy glared at him. She had had it with his attitude.

"Just like I said, you're wrong." Leo said now looking at her and sounding irritated. "That bastard betrayed us. If you betray someone once, you'll obviously do it again and again as long as they continue to give you the chances to do it. People are like that Rummy. You can't change that."

Rummy had no idea how to respond. Was Leo really this biased toward his enemies? Did this mean that if she did something that he considered betrayal that he would hate her without a second's thought?

What happened to him to make him this unforgiving?

"Anyway, does this mean that it's ok if we move in?" Desmond said, breaking both the awkward silence and the tension.

"Oh, uh sure." The prince informed him. "We don't have much but make yourselves at home." It appeared that Leo had gone back to normal. She would have to thank Desmond for diffusing the mood later.

"Oh by the way, the name's Yuurei, Rummy Yuurei." She stated, holding her hand out to Desmond.

"Nice meeting you too Ms. Bond." He joked, shaking her hand. He had gotten her reference. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

Shopping District

"Excuse me, but why are we doing this?" The boy questioned.

"Because it's fun obviously." The woman responded.

"But it's so hard." Stated the boy.

"I don't mind at all." Laughed the woman in a peculiar way.

"Ugh, this is getting so hard. Could you at least help me a little?"

"Of course not. You're a gentleman aren't you?"

"Well yes but"

"But nothing! Now hold still and let me put it in."

"Wait what! But it's too big! I won't be able to take it!"

"Opinion ignored. Better get ready, here it comes!"

"Oh no! Nooooooooooooooooo!"

"GODDAMN IT CASTER, YOU'RE JUST FORCING HIM TO CARRY YOUR BAGS! STOP MAKING IT SOUND LIKE YOU'RE FUCKING HIM!" Angel yelled at the top of her lungs.

"Boo. You're no fun." Said Caster, right after putting a large and heavy statue of an elephant into one of Hayate's bags and making him fall over. "What's the fun in shopping if I have to carry my own stuff?"

Angel was pissed off at this woman. Normally she didn't mind her, bet she tended to drag her jokes on for far too long. That was the one thing Caster did that pissed her off. It reminded her of a certain afro'd priest. This was just the kind of shit that he would pull. Angel then felt a hand on her shoulder; it was her master Sir Dan Blackmore.

"Archer, please remember that we are in the presence of children." He then gestured over to a certain little brown haired girl wearing a black and pink dress with a one winged eagle printed on it. She also wore a small black crown to the side of her head and had a cute little fang that would stick out of her mouth on occasion.

This was Maria Ushiromiya, the Master of Beatrice the Golden, a Caster class Servant. How a nine year old girl had managed to enter this war was a total mystery to her. Then again, how she managed to be summoned as a Heroic Spirit also was a total mystery to her so she decided to keep her mouth shut.

"Uuuuuuuu! Beatrice is amazing! Hayate is amazing! Angel and Mr. Blackmore are amazing too!" The girl cooed. That uuu sound Maria made didn't make sense to Angel, but she didn't mind the kid in general. "Maybe I should tell her to stop making that sound?" Angel thought. However, she then felt an ominous sense that if she told her to stop, it would not end well. Therefore Angel wisely chose to let Maria continue on as she pleased.

"Oh Maria, you're so awesome!" Caster returned. The two then began to spin around in a circle together while laughing.

"Um Angel, would you mind helping me out of these?" Hayate questioned from beneath the mountain of bags.

"Oh, sure." Angel responded. It took a good ten minutes to dig him out. "Just what was that witch buying?" She thought.

"Thank you very much!" Hayate said.

"No problem, just be sure not to become her bag bitch again kay?"

"O-ok." The boy replied. It hadn't been long since then entered this world. Thankfully after he met up with Angel and her Master they decided to form an alliance instead of finishing their fight. Yesterday he found Maria wandering out in the miasma by herself so he decided to bring her home with him. Sir Blackmore agreed to let her stay, and her Servant appeared to them later that day. It turned out that her Servant hadn't shown up until yesterday, not even back in the .PH.! But that was in the past now. Beatrice had told them that she needed them to meet up with someone in the shopping district today, and they were there to do just that.

"I've been expecting you." Said a teenage girl to the group. She wore a blue school uniform, and had pink hair. The girl seemed friendly enough, but Hayate got the feeling that something was wrong with her.

Oh how right he was.

"My name's Yuno Gasai, but you can call me Berserker." She continued. "Now then, why don't we sit down? This could take a while."

* * *

?

"Oooooh, throwing the yandere queen and the endless witch into the mix. People gonna' die." Wade remarked.

"Not that much of a surprise." Kirei stated. "After all Mirai Nikki did just get an anime and Mastersword recently got into Umineko. I am disappointed that he reused the guys carrying shopping bags for girls joke again though. I thought he was better than that."

"Ahh who cares! The point is that we're back. Update soon my ass. He totally lied during the Christmas Special!"

"Well Mastersword does have a social life."

"He's in another play isn't he?"

"Hit the nail on the head."

"Damn it Mastersword! Why must you be so obsessed with acting! The world needs more of my awesomeness!" Wade screamed.

"Thank you very much for making my ears bleed Wade." Kirei sarcastically stated. "Anyway, we have been kicking some major ass in Fate: Stay Away haven't we?"

"No joke! Why, how about we bring Avenger over here to troll them all some more?"

"Don't you think he'd notice that?"

"Good point. But I'll find a way to make it work." Wade smirked.

"Deadpool, there is no doubt in my mind that you will. Anyway, since Konton told us to lay low we should probably just do the usual." Kirei said.

"Go to club and fuck sluts?" Wade asked.

"Yes. Very nice." Kirei confirmed as the two headed for the red light district.

* * *

Emiya Residence

It was now nighttime and Rummy and the others were fast asleep. Leo however, couldn't sleep. So he sat outside on the porch gazing at the stars. They shined so brightly despite being so far away. He secretly wished that he could do the same. To shine from afar, so that no one could get in close enough to hurt him. Sighing, he looked up and tried to find some constellations that he knew. …He couldn't. After all, the night sky in Japan was different from the one in his home country. He didn't want to give up though, so he intently gazed at the heavenly bodies. Perhaps he believed that if he could identify even one of them that he could become one with them. Still no luck though. It seemed that he would never find his stars.

"That one right there is Pegasus."

Leo turned around to see his Servant pointing at a group of stars. Upon closer examination, Leo saw that it was indeed Pegasus! The prince smiled. "Thank you Flynn."

"So then Master, why are you up so late?" The Servant asked.

"I couldn't get to sleep. I was too busy thinking-"

"About what happened earlier with Rummy right?" Flynn said, cutting him off. Leo chuckled.

"My my, aren't you the perceptive one?" The prince then fell silent. "Hey Flynn, if I talk to you, will you listen?"

"Of course Master. It would be my honor."

"Ugh no, don't worry about the formal stuff now. It's not like we're in public and everyone else is asleep. Just call me Leo ok Aniki." Leo requested.

"Alright then Leo, I'll listen." Flynn didn't need to be told twice to drop formality. He had dealt with royalty in the past after all.

"Well" Leo gulped. "It's about why I acted the way I did earlier."

"I don't mind. I'm ready for anything."

"Ok" Leo then took a deep breath. "As heir to the Harway family eventually I gain a whole lot of political power. Back when I was a child, no, back when I was younger many people tried to take advantage of that. I still remember when I found out that my 'friends' were only nice to me because of who my parents were. It was like hell on earth. And that's not even half of it people constantly tried to kidnap or even murder me to get back at my family" Leo's eyes then narrowed. "Or in the case of my relatives it was to seize my power for themselves." Tears fell from the princes cheeks. "And worst of all, my older brother is always so cold to me. You'd think that he would be there for me right Aniki? Right?"

"Yeah, he should be regardless of circumstance." Flynn agreed.

"Thanks." Leo returned. "Anyway, add to all of that the fact that my mom is dead and that pretty sums up all of my issues."

"You've been through a lot Leo." Flynn began. "You've been betrayed all your life so it's no wonder that you hate traitors. I understand completely."

"Y-you do?" Leo questioned, blinking in surprise.

"Yeah. Someone who used to be my boss tricked me into hurting the ones who I cared about. Then he betrayed me as well." Flynn confessed. It had now dawned on Leo that Flynn had it just as bad as he did, if not worse. "But thankfully everything worked out in the end. My friends forgave me, and we were able to save my world in time from my boss's mistakes." Flynn then turned to Leo. "Things got better for you too it seems. Your past may have been hard, but now you have me here for you right? And don't worry, I'll always be loyal to you."

Leo chuckled a little. "Of course I do you big lug. I won't forget that." The two spent some time together stargazing after that.

"Hey, I think I should tell Rummy about this tomorrow. So that she might see where I'm coming from you know?" Leo told him.

"Sounds like a great idea Leo."

"Anyway, will you be there with me when I tell her? I think it would help." Leo requested.

"Of course I will Leo, not as a Servant, but as a friend."

Later after Leo and Flynn went to sleep, Rummy woke up. She was still dazed, but she heard a voice calling out to her. No, not heard. It was more like she felt it. Still dazed she put on some clothes and followed the voice to wherever it would take her.

* * *

Ryuudouji Temple

Rummy walked all the way to the temple in her daze. Said daze however broke when she saw the bloodstains on the steps closer to the top. She quickly noticed that they were dried though, so she calmed down somewhat. Now that she was awake however she noticed him at the top of the steps facing down at her. She knew exactly who it was.

"Hello Konton Coded. Care to explain why you fucked up our lives, or are you just here to taunt me?"

"And I thought you were the one who didn't want them to kill me." Konton sarcastically rebutted.

"Oh,I don't want them to kill you. But I still think that you owe us an explanation." Rummy then thrust her fist out at him. "And also I think that we've earned the right to kick your ass."

Konton smiled at her. This caused Rummy to roll her eyes and groan. "If you even try to confuse me with more of your abstract bullshit, ima choke ya myself."

"If that's the case then what do you want me to say?" He began. "Is there some _magical_ phrase that will make you not hate my guts?" The sarcasm was beginning to push Rummy off the edge. She stuck up for this mother fucker, and this was the thanks she got?

"All I want" Rummy started, taking a deep breath so that she wouldn't do something that she'd regret. "Is for you to tell me why. Why did you do all of this? Why is this world plagued by insanity mist? And in that line of thought, why are we in Fuyuki City? Just answer me Konton. That's all I ask."

Konton looked down at the ground. Sighing, he spoke.

"I can't."

That was it. The one thing she wanted, the one fucking thing, had been denied to her. Rummy's blood started to boil. Rage spread throughout her veins, eating away at her very being.

"And why pray tell, can't you?"

"…" Konton mumbled something.

"Speak up." She ordered, seething with rage.

"… can … us."

"SPEAK THE FUCK UP KONTON MOTHERFUCKING CODED!"

"IT CAN FUCKING HEAR US!" This utterance got Rummy's attention, and served as a sedative for her rage.

"What? What can hear us?" Unfortunately however, it merely replaced that rage with confusion. Konton looked at her directly. A new air surrounded them, one that she had never truly felt from him before. Then he opened his mouth, and spoke two words.

"The virus."

"W-what?"

* * *

(Ending Music: La Divine Tragedia By Makyoku)


End file.
